[Chynnadoll2855]

Well me and my fiance have been together for 3 years and I love him sooo much but as of lately I have had this need to want to take care of a something. I really think I just need c cat or a dog. Me and my fiance want to travel and see the world. We want to do so much that you cannot do with a baby. I want to get up and go to waffle house at 3am just because damn't lol. My fiance agree. Fyi i'm 21 and he is 23 just thought I should throw that in there. Anyways everyone around us are trying to have kids or have It sucks because I just don't fit in the whole suburban life thing but I do want kids. When is the right time how can I stop these feelings of wanting a baby right now? Me having doubt tells me i'm not ready.

[shezbut]

I would say that now isn't the right time for you. You have to be ready and willing to make a lot of sacrafices (sp?) when you are expecting to add to your family. You are only 21 years old!

In my experience, in our early 20's, we still have so much to learn about in life: goals, abilities, and develop healthy ways to work through disagreements that you and your fiance occasionally have. When you're approaching mid-late 20's, than you may be more ready emotionally. Maybe not. I was 31 years-old when I had my first. A few of my friends also waited until their early 30's ~ and they were glad that they did. There are also a couple of married couples that I've known who purposely chose to never have children.

Those who chose not to wait, and had children in their teens and 20's are already becoming grandparents in their early 40's. Wow, that amazes me!

My point is that we all have different expectations, desires, and hopes towards raising our own families. It's very important that both you and your S.O. are on the same page and seriously agree on these core issues. Forget what your neighbors (and extended family members) are thinking...focus on you and your fiance's beliefs. That's what's important!

That's my opinion ~ best wishes to you and your fiance!

[whenwillitend]

From my own experience I would say, it's not up to us to decide when the time is right. I wanted a baby when I was in my early 20's. I wanted it so bad. But I wasn't even in a relationship, just randomly dating. Now I'm glad it didnt' happen. Then at 24 I got married. About a year later we decided to try for a baby. Without really thinking ti through. We just both wanted to have a baby. It really wasn't a good time. We didn't have our finances in order, and my mental health was anything but stable. It didn't happen then either. We tried and tried and tried. A year and a half later, when we were in a much better spot, financially and health wise, I got pregnant. We had our first son. Fast forward to 2008. My husband was deployed, and while he was overseas we talked about having another baby. It had been six years. This time we went at it more rationally. My husband came home in January. I got pregnant on the first try and our second son was born in October.
What I'm trying to tell you is that, no matter how much you plan, and want, and try, life might have other plans for you. You have absolutely no control over if and when you will be blessed with children. So try not to obsess over it.

And to be honest, I don't think now is the right time for you anyway. You are still very young, and you clearly have plans for these years. Enjoy life, enjoy each other, enjoy being this young. Don't worry about what people around you are doing. THEIR life is not YOUR life. We're all different. The right time for THEM is not necessarily the right time for YOU.

You do have to make sacrifices when you have kids. It really depends on how ready you are to make those sacrifices, when you even start trying.

Phew, I hope all this rambling made any sense.

[Yoda]

It is better if you complete your education and have financial stability before having children. I was thirty when I got pregnant and that was a good time for me.

I think there's pro's and cons for both. Having them when you're young means you've more energy, and also granparent's have more energy too to be part of a support network! And of course, you could always have your own time after they've grown up, and go travelling then - like a second childhood!!
But having them a little later might mean that you're more stable, mentally and financially - and if you went travelling now then you'd have such great memories and stories to tell your children.

I don't think personally there is a correct time to have kids, other than what feels right to you both. My personal situation showed me that sometimes things don't work out when leave it too long - I thought I'd have my kids in my 30's, but sadly I got cancer at 30, and that stopped all chances. I was unlucky, but it did teach me that for all of my best laid plans for my life, nothing is guaranteed.

[Leed]

I had my first child when I was 21, and while I was delighted and wouldn't change it, I really should have waited. I was too young, and too nervous and didn't know enough. We had bought a house by then as we'd been married for 3 years. But we still should have waited.

Having kids that young is just too early. There are so many things that you could be doing, such as traveling, going wherever you want to, doing whatever you want to, plus you have much to learn.

It is RUDE for people to involve themselves in when you want to have children! That is a PERSONAL choice, and it's between husband and wife, and it should be decided in the bedroom -- not in the neighbors living room or on the phone! That just drives me nuts. People need to mind their own business.

If you want to take care of something, get a puppy -- but remember that you can't leave an animal alone either. When you travel you'll have to either take it with you or leave it in a kennel -- which I think it kind of cruel. They end up broken hearted, won't eat or drink until you come home. So maybe goldfish is better. You don't get quite as attached to a fish. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Timgt5]

As others have said there is no universal "right time" for a child it varies by circumstances. There are a few questions you should ask yourself before you consider this massive undertaking.

1) How much of my lifestyle am I willing to sacrifice to have baby? Once a child comes into your life he/she becomes the center of your world. That means less time with friends, less going out, less travel at least for the first few years. Children need a lot of attention and you have to be prepared to give that attention. Keep in mind that 0-5 years is critical to the formation of that person's character and potention emotional and mental health. So if you are not ready to committ to making the child the most important thing in your life above all else, you are not ready to become a parent.

2). How financially stable are you? Can you make all of your current expenses consistantly with money left over? If you cannot emphatically and honestly answer yes, then no you should not be parent. Having a baby raises your cost of living, a lot, so you better make sure you can keep the little tyke fed, in diapers, etc... Also having a good 4 or 5 door car with a roomy backseat is a must when dealing with getting a car seat in and out of the car.

3) Are you healthy? Kids require a lot of energy, before having a child it is best to make sure you are at a healthy weight and generally fit. The extra weight you have to carry for that period of time is going to be uncomfortable to say the very least, you want as strong and healthy a body as possible. Once you have good healthy eating habits, it will make it easier for you to get through pregnancy and will benifit your unborn child as well.