Can't cry anymore

I have been reading a book by Deepak Chopra and came across a few paragraphs about forgiveness and emotional debt. I realized that in the last year, I haven't cried. I haven't cried over little things or big things. My husband has screwed up and done some thing that was very traumatic to me while drunk and he was blacked out. He pushed me around and yelled curse words in front of the kids. I never cried about it. What is wrong with me? He has hurt me very badly but I seem to just push the negativity aside and keep moving. Why can't I face what happened? This was 2 months ago. We are still together and went on like nothing ever happened. We have 2 kids and almost 6 years of marriage. Is it normal to just ignore the bad? What kind of emotional debt did I just create and how to I get rid of it? I am scared it could happen again. I have anxiety every time I see him get a beer. I take propranolol to help with my panic symptoms.
I seem to think that was nothing. It could be worse. He isn't always like that. And I need to let it go.. and so on and so forth.

What does it mean when you can't/ don't cry? Is it shock? Or am I emotionally abset from my marriage because he has hurt me so badly? I'm scared I flipped a switch. Maybe I don't care enough about his problems anymore to make them my own?

(((ssaunders95)))

I'm sorry that your husband was abusive and drunk to the point of blacking out. That's not good at all. Is drinking a very regular part of his life? How old are your children?

I would definitely start with a recommendation that you seek professional assistance. Not just for yourself, or your hub, but also for your children. Children pick up on all SORTS of things. It's not uncommon for children of abusers to become abusers themselves as they become older. Other children of abusers fall onto the other side of the spectrum and frequently become involved throughout their lives with other abusers. NOT a good atmosphere for children to be present.

You deserve to be treated well. You deserve love and affection ~ not physical and emotional harm. Your children are the most important aspect...THEY need you to protect them from physical and/or emotional harm & children pick up on the intense negative emotions very early in life.

I'd leave a note saying that you had to leave to protect your kids and yourself from his abusive ways. Don't tell him where you intend to go, or give a phone number, because he will quickly lose his temper and go bananas!! Instead, tell him that you'll contact him _____. Get in with a T asap, by yourself and your children. Let them help guide you on where to go from there.

You don't need to let it go ~ it *could* be worse. Please get out today! (((gentle hugs)))

If your husband is drinking to the point of blacking out, he has a drinking problem. I'm a recovering alcoholic, so I know what I'm talking about. I used to drink like that too, and believe me, that's a DANGER SIGN. Obviously he drinks ALOT -- and blacking out is serious. It can lead to alcohol poisoning, and that can kill you. One day he may never wake up.

You might suggest that he call AA -- but it would probably make him mad because I doubt he thinks he has a drinking problem. You know his moods. If you think he'd be ok with you suggesting it, go ahead.

But the next time he gets into a violent mood, do like Shezbut says. Gather up a bunch of stuff, grab your kids and get OUT OF THERE and don't come back. Go stay with someone you trust, and dont' let him know where you are!! Hopefully he won't be able to find you either. He has got to learn that he cannot do this anymore.

Alcoholics have got to LOSE something in order to "hit bottom." They've got to lose family,or jobs, or car, or house, etc. if they don't lose something, they'll never realize the consequences of their actions. They dont realize that drinking affects others too -- not just themselves! So best of luck my friend. My thought & prayers are with you. God bless. Hugs, Lee