[sesame]

Earlier in the week, my boyfriend broke up with me. We got into a small fight, and he called me over the phone to say that we were over, no longer in a relationship, etc. He didn't respond to my messages, and when I called him, he said he'd block my number and shut off his phone if I kept trying to call him. We weren't talking after that.

Later in the week, I was playing music for this small public event. This guy I knew came to see me, and there was a bit of sexual tension between us. He didn't stick around for long, but he asked me to walk with him to his car. I agreed. It was cold, and I forgot my jacket. He offered me his sweatshirt and put his arm around me as we walked. When we got to his car, we briefly kissed.

A few days later, my boyfriend got in contact with me, and upon discussing things, said he "never broke up with me." However, as stated above, he made it explicitly clear that it was his intention to do so. I didn't tell him about the kiss.

I'm not sure whether or not I feel guilty about what happened, and I'm not really sure where to go from here. I don't know if I want to be in a relationship anymore. Things just feel different between us. I told him that things between us just felt off, and I mentioned the idea of an extended break. My boyfriend started crying, begged me not to break up with him, and talked about killing himself, stating that every decision he ever made in life was a mistake. Even just sitting next to him, he was emanating absolute misery. I don't know what to do. I'm worried about him hurting himself. At the same time, I don't want to essentially punish myself by staying with him out of pity.

[mazing]

I don't see that as cheating if you had broken up.

As for the relationship, you really do need to think about you first. As you siad you shouldn't stay our of pity. In the long term, staying with him if you don't want to be in the relationship is just going to make things worse. Maybe a break could be a good thing if you talked about it first and came up with some guidelines and reasons. Eg, are you going to date other people? Are you going to stay in contact during that time etc. Sometimes it can really help yuo work out your priorities and whether you should really be together.

Good luck with it all

[Leed]

You did NOT cheat. Lets make that clear from the outset. LOL He said he broke up with you, and that was that! So you did nothing wrong.

As for staying with him, are you sure you want to? Don't stay out of pity. That's not a relationship. And you can stop him from hurting himself either. I seriously doubt he's going to do that. He's just trying to "guilt" you into staying. Don't stay because of that. If you want to date others, then do so. You're too young to be tied down to one guy anyway. Why waste your youth on one person? You're supposed to be having fun, not playing like you're married! Go out with others. Enjoy yourself. Don't tie yourself down.

I wish you the very best. Take care, okay? Hugs, Lee

[Vibe]

The break-up could have been a misunderstanding. I still wouldn't see it as cheating, even if it were.

However, this guy sounds emotionally manipulative, so my best guess says that you really were broken up.

As for the relationship in general, if your only reason for staying would be his threats, then that's even more of a reason to get out. Things sound pretty messed up. If you want to fix them, he's got to be open to that too. Most people aren't really willing to change though. You have every right to move on with your life though, and really, that would be my decision. If you'd been together forever, had serious ties, were engaged, had kids, or this behavior was sudden; then I'd look into the options more closely. As it is? Run.. before you can't get away so easily.

May not be cheating, but you two don't sound like a particularly healthy relationship pair. Something to consider.

[jennifersullivan]

hello friend, i dont think it is a good idea to stay in a relationship out of pity, it is unhealthy for you both. However, if someone says they will kill themselves you can only believe him. May i suggest alerting a councelor or someone in his family of his intentions and then do whats good for you ( whether that is break up with him or not) i cannot say

[Harley47]

Bless your heart Sesame.

Lee nailed it. You didn't cheat, not even close. Way I see it, once a party ends it, it is over. If anything, congrats on finding someone you clicked with, as I see things. But please put that fear to rest...you did not cheat, and to me, it speaks to a strong moral character that you're concerned about something so relatively innocent.

As far as staying...I know the prospect of him hurting himself is scary, but you cannot be his hope for a normalcy, you know? You can't be his anchor. A relationship based on fear and pity is not a relationship at all, and it will drag you down with it. He needs to seek professional help if he truly does feel this way (that is, of course, assuming he is not using it as an excuse to not lose you...it is low, but I have seen it done ), and you should try to encourage him through whatever help he gets as a friend. But you are not bound or obligated to him out of this...that is not healthy.

Please know I wish you the best, and you're in my prayers.

Hugs,
Harley

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by sesame

My boyfriend started crying, begged me not to break up with him, and talked about killing himself

That is really bad form. Threatening suicide to induce a girl to stay in a r/s is bad, manipulative, and dishonest. What do you know about him? Do you know his medical history? Has he had other suicide attempts before? Does he have access to drugs in order to OD? Whom does he live with?

The thing is, it CAN happen. One of my former bf's OD'd, seriously, when I left him (he did not threaten me - he just OD'd and ended up in a hospital). He eventually died from suicide, long after we were not together anymore. So it CAN happen. But it also can be an empty threat - my mother threatened suicide just because she found it appropriate at the moment when she did not want me to visit my paternal grandparents. She did not do it - she just threatened. Some people issue empty threats. So I am trying to understand where the guy is - is he issuing empty threats or is he seriously troubled and in need of medical care right away? But any which way it is not your fault - remember that.

Regarding the kiss - do not even give it a second of your time.

You didn't cheat by any stretch of the imagination. Your bf or whatever he is since he did make it clear he wanted to break up - is manipulative. I can't say for sure what he was thinking initially by his so called break up with you, but from his behavior, it seems to me like it was him trying to manipulate you from the very beginning. If he told you all of those things initially, you had no reason to think that he was still considering you his gf! The fact he denied it later and then begged you to not break up with him using suicide and crap on you - clearly he's not only manipulative, but wishy washy at best, not knowing what he wants.

Do NOT stay because of his threats of self harm and suicide alone. If there is anything to be redeemed with the relationship, ok maybe but at best you need a break from him for a bit. Let him get his head straight first and then go from there. That is only if you want to remain in the relationship. Not just to keep him from hurting himself. Thing is, even if you did stay for that reason, he will have just learned that that behavior works in getting you to stay and I guarantee it won't be the last time he pulls that on you.

I hope this helps. *hugs*

[shortandcute]

Well I would not consider it cheating under the circumstances.