just found out my husband cheated. what do i do?

My husband and I have been married for 5 months. He is currently deployed in Afghanistan. I just found out last night that a couple of months before we got married he cheated on me, they didn't have sex but they did mess around. He had told me about this insident except when he told me he said it happened before him and I met. And I'd asked a few times if he's ever cheated(it was a long distance relationship) he always said no. So not only did he cheat but he has lied about it a few times. What do I do? We are married mow and it happened 9 months ago. And I know it has not happened since. =(

I am so sorry this happened to you...please accept that from me.

I am curious, and I do not mean to offer false hope, but are you certain that this is the case? It seems to me that he would've never mentioned it had he wished to keep it from you, thus I am wondering (and hoping) that perhaps what you found out last night may be wrong. Again, I do not wish to offer false hope nor do I mean to seem like I'm doubting you, as that is certainly not the case. I only wish to be sure.

That being said, if I were you, I would confront him about this. He owes you an honest explanation of what happened. As far as long term goes, that is up to you. You must understand though that if you choose to try to work through this, it is going to take time. Forgiveness does not mean that the emotions instantly vanish. They will be there for some time. Both you and him would need to acknowledge that, and you would need to be patient with both him and yourself as things try to heal. He would need to be patient to you, and he would have to do everything in his power to rebuilt what he has destroyed. Additionally, understand that trying to fix it is not a guarantee it will work...it is only trying.

I implore you to talk to him...get all you can out of him regarding it. Give yourself some time to cool off and to think. Don't make a decision until you're able to process everything with a level head and all the facts available to you. Then, and only then, do what you think is best for you.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I wish you all of my best.

Hugs,
Harley

Hi ~ If it was a long distance relationship, how did they get together to "cheat?" Did they actually meet up somewhere?

I'm sorry this happened (if it really happened) but like Harley said, you need to talk to your husband about this. People like to talk and people can be CRUEL. I cannot count the number of people who have done things like this when the other was stationed somewhere else -- they tried to break up the marriage by making up some stupid story and getting the wife or husband all upset!! This is the cruelest thing I've ever seen happen. But it DOES happen. Friends or acquaintances get bored and stories get told.

It's my opinion that you should wait until he gets back home to talk to him about this. He shouldn't be worrying about this while he's in a war zone! The ONLY thing he should be worrying about is getting home in ONE PIECE. If he frets about this while he's out on patrol or something, he could put himself or someone else in danger. How would you feel if something happened? I think it would be better to wait -- if you can -- until he gets home. This isn't THAT important that it cannot wait. This happened before you got married --- not after. So wait. Don't endanger his life.

God bless and please take care. I wish you the very best. Hugs, Lee