[athena2011]

I have recently been doing a lot of thinking about my tendency to go silent at times. Here's what comes up: 1) I have nothing interesting to say, 2) I'm introverted and I just have to suck it up and accept that, 3) people will always prefer to hang around extroverts, because they're just so much easier to be with, 4) I make the most extroverted people go silent because I make them so uncomfortable, 5) and forget even trying to talk to another introvert, it will be like two lifeless statues facing each other, 6) once I go silent, I may as well leave because things will just get worse when I start getting anxious about it, 7) I wish I was happy being isolated because isolation is what this affliction causes, 8.) sometimes I can stumble across something to say that might turn into a decent conversation but that's hit and miss and totally unpredictable, 9) I can't believe I just go brain dead with absolutely nothing to say around people that I thought I was comfortable with, 10) I'm just bored, tired or need a bit of time to recharge, 11) I'm just exhausted/depressed/borderline/anxious/traumatized and once I solve those problems, I'll be happier and have lots of stuff in my head worth talking about, 12) I just need to get out more, 13) I need to find meaningful work/hobbies/activities then I'll be more interesting to others then maybe they won't clam up around me, 14) stop seeing myself through my Mom's/sister's/father's eyes. THEY are the problem, not me. 15) why do I care what judgemental people think?, 16) stay away from people who are bad for me, even if that includes my family - they'll just rub salt in the wound, 17) just make a concerted effort to surround myself with people who are not judgemental/vain/aggressive/narcissistic/abusive/liars/impatient/mean/stuck-up/insensitive/flakey and I'll be less nervous around people

Can anybody relate to this? What does silence mean to you? Do you have any coping strategies that work for you?

[happiedasiy]

Dear athena2011,

What is a child to do when the family turns on them, makes the child seem to be the bad element, the scapegoat, the ridicule?
Nothing, silence because they have no power.
Start with 14. And find your voice.
You know lots of musicians are introverted on some scale and they have an unique sense of the world. Whether you are a composer, song writter, or play an instrument. I think music will set you free.

As for people, find likeminded persons and your shell will crack wide open.
As for family, it maybe painful but I think you know toxic when you see it.
This is not who you are. Fly like your avatar and rise above all the pain of your past.
Tell your story and be free.
Harmony and Hugs.

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by happiedasiy

Dear athena2011,

What is a child to do when the family turns on them, makes the child seem to be the bad element, the scapegoat, the ridicule?
Nothing, silence because they have no power.
Start with 14. And find your voice.
You know lots of musicians are introverted on some scale and they have an unique sense of the world. Whether you are a composer, song writter, or play an instrument. I think music will set you free.

Thanks for your comments. It is interesting advice since music has been the one thing that I have tried to use to help me through this. Unfortunately it hurts to play piano (back, hamstring, arm, hand pain), I have been suffering over the past two weeks from horrible back pain due to standing in a choir/ensemble for long periods (performing/practising). Fortunately the burning in my feet went away. I'm not sure if the back pain is due to the anxiety of performing solo parts or the fact that my muscles are not used to it. Probably mostly the second because I get the same pain when I wait in line for a long time. I know that I get the same pain from anxiety though, so it's probably some of that as well. It doesn't help that I can barely hear the accompanist over the sound of my own voice, my poor memory especially under pressure, and my fear of not being able to hit particular notes. Anyway, in spite of all this, I keep at it. I suppose it is because I am in fact desperate to 'find my voice'. Perhaps also because I have had some small successes - getting through a solo and having people tell me I'm a 'natural' performer. Getting the vocal projection up and getting rid of the breathiness. Getting rid of my tendency to go flat in a certain low range. Writing several songs. And probably the most important benefit of all is the fact that it gets my energy levels up. Something I am in desperate need of if I am to have any perseverance with anything. I still have a long way to go, but I suppose that's just life. Probably very few of us are born with a natural talent and a passion to go out and share our gift with others.