[melstar]

This is the letter that I recieved yesterday via email from my soon to be ex.
Dear Melissa,
Ugh… this is so exhausting. What part of good bye don’t you understand? I want nothing to do with you anymore. I need time away from you. Do you really think you can just walk right back into our lives? After I’ve adapted to a lifestyle without you, now you want to come back and flip my world upside down again?
After reading and re-reading your letters the two questions that come to mind are:

• How have you changed?
• What about B?

What I’m interpreting from your letters is that you want to go back to the way things were before; before B came into our lives. The way things were when it was just the two of us having fun and enjoying single life. Back when I would and did do anything for you. Well, things are different now. The past is in the past. There is no going back. We have responsibilities, something you never could handle well. Parenting comes first. You haven’t given me any indication that you are ready or willing to accept the accountability that comes with being a parent. You say you miss B and you love him. That’s easy to do. Yet you don’t put forth the effort to stay in touch with him. Meanwhile I’m busting my *** to make sure he is cared for and taught good manners and respect, while keeping up my busy career, and doing a damn good job of it all.
Your letters reveal the typical Melissa that I know and have known for 10 years. You can’t stand being told “no”. Now it seems you are trying to manipulate me with religion; a religion that I’m not so sure I believe in anymore.
I don’t believe in destiny. What I do believe is that every one of us is given opportunities. I believe we all have the freedom to make choices in our lives. We have the freedom to choose between good and evil, the freedom to make mistakes and the freedom to choose whether or not to learn from our mistakes.
You’ve taken advantage of me. You’ve taken advantage of the system. You fraudulently applied for and received state aid for food stamps when you were in Illinois. That needs to be reported somehow as income on the tax forms this year. I hope we don’t get in trouble for that.
I don’t agree with nor do I support your decision to apply for disability aid. You refuse to even look for a job. I don’t believe you are disabled to the point where you can’t maintain a paid position. And even though I did say I would cover your school loan payments, you haven’t offered to help pay back the loan or even reimburse me later on.
It seems all you care about is getting back to a life of being dependent on someone else to meet your needs.
The other day when you called to talk to B and he didn’t want to talk to you I heard the tears in your voice. What did you expect? Did you really think it was going to be easy to rebuild your relationship with him? I told you he wouldn’t trust you. I told you he wouldn’t respect you. I told you many times how sensitive and intelligent he is. How you treat him today is going to have an impact on his relationships with others when he grows up. What kind of impression do you want to have on him?
I’m returning your book to you. Whatever it is you think you have left to offer, I’m not interested. You ran away from us a year ago. Now I’m walking away from you.

When was the last time you went to church?

B
I want to say that in no way was the intention to manipulate him. I wrote him a letter telling him how sorry I was for screwing up, and that I want to give our marriage a chance. I offered to go see a priest if that was what it took to save our marriage. I want to be a family, which INCLUDES my son.
I also did not fraudulantly get food stamps, I got them because I need them. This is one of those people who believes depression is something that can go away if you work hard enough at it. I am not working right now because I first of all can't find a job and second because I go through such major boughts of depression that bring me down for weeks at a time. And just about anything will set me off right now. I know that he is just saying this stuff to hurt me and get to me, but that is exactly what he did. He took something that had good intentions and made it all about him, and how he has had to change his life around so that I can get treatment. Mind you he was supportive of the fact that I was going in for treatment when I went last September. But yet I walked out on him. I didn't leave for someone else, or because I didn't love him any less, I left because I have a mental illness that I was trying to get treated for. But yet I am being selfish and I walked out. I don't understand his rational for thinking this way. I can't help that I am sick, I am trying everything in my power to make things work to my advantage so that I can be as successfull as possible, and yet my husband decides that he has had enough and is walking out on me. That by the way does wonders for my depression, self esteem and self worth!! I feel like such a failure, like I screwed up yet again. It is just like my biological family who walked out on me after I reported the abuse that was going on. Now I am fighting tooth and nail to have some of them pay attention to me. What am I doing wrong. Why do all the relationships that I am in fail? There is only one common denominator, and that is me.
Had my roommates been home last night I would be inpatient right now. I wanted to over dose so badly last night, I packed a suitcase and was ready to leave when I realized that no one was home to take me. I know I could have called 911 or something but I decided to wait it out and watch a movie instead. The movie helped to settle me down enough so that I could go back to my room and go to sleep. To day I still feel like crap, I still want to end it all, but I don't have a plan any more. I just don't know what to do!!

[Leed]

You mean to tell me that when you went in for TREATMENT, he considered that as "walking out on him?" Is he some kind of NUT or something??? What's the matter with him? Doesn't he understand that going into the HOSPITAL is NOT walking out on him?

What if you went in to have your appendix out -- would that be the same? Would he consider THAT walking out on him?

And now it seems like he's filled your son's head with all kinds of negative things. Perhaps there's more to the story -- I don't know. But it's not fair to put the child in the middle. Obviously this child is suffering, since he doesn't even want to TALK to you! He's obviously told this child SOMETHING that he shouldn't have.

I'm sorry this has happened, and I wish I knew what to tell you. But I understand why you're angry. I'll keep you in my prayers Melstar ~ God bless and please take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee