[stmml]

My dad did the Christmas morning service at church, and then made it home a bit after 11, just as my grandmother got here. We sat, we ate, we opened presents, and we had a nice time. As soon as all the presents were opened, my dad curled up on his chair to take a nap, as he always does. (He does 3 Christmas eve services and then the Christmas day one. It's a lot.) So the rest of us moved it into another room, and hung out for another hour until my grandmother left. Then, I went upstairs to take a nap myself, because I could barely keep my eyes open. I slept for 3 hours. I don't know how long my sister was awake, but when I woke up, she was asleep (and my dad was still asleep).

So then everyone got up and we had Christmas dinner together, and I thought that was nice. My mom starts my dad on the topic of his work, which has been especially stressful lately, so I lightheartedly suggest we talk about something else, and leave work behind until he returns next week. So we moved on. And then we cleaned up the dishes and sat together and watched Indiana Jones and I thought that was nice.

My dad went up to bed early, because he was still tired, but my sister and I were still there. And then she falls asleep in the chair. My mom starts to try to wake her up, and I suggest that she leave her alone because she's tired. And then my mom gets all serious . . . "we'll have to talk about this later." And I'm like, what the fizzle? "I'm curious to know what this has to do with her depression,"* my mom finishes. And I'm like, it has nothing to do with it, she's just tired, and I know that she would rather us let her sleep. And my mom starts to push the issue again. And I was just like, I'm too tired to have a deep intense conversation right now. And she keeps trying to push it. So I was like, you know, I don't think I feel like talking at all right now. I'm tired, and I just want to sit here and watch tv and not talk. ANd then she tries to go at it again, so I say, hey, I've already explained myself. If you keep trying to talk to me, I'm going to go upstairs because I need quiet. So we sit there in silence for, I don't know, 10, 20 minutes, and I'm just happy that she was letting me be.

Then she gets up, and goes off to do something, and then comes back and says, "well, tomorrow you guys can do whatever you want. Don't worry about me, but I know you don't care about me already," and walks off. I start sobbing. I didn't do anything wrong. I said everything as best I could, making sure she knew that it had nothing to do with her that I didn't feel like talking, I was just really tired.

By this point, my sister is waking up on the couch but not saying anything yet. Meanwhile, my mom goes upstairs and gets ready for bed, and then she comes back down. Here I was thinking she was going to apologize to me. She walks over silently and turns off the light that is on the table right next to me. I reach over and turn it back on, because, hello, I'm sitting there, and that was kind of rude. She looks at me and just says, "no." And I'm just like . . . what? I'm sitting right here. "I need it dark so I can sleep down here." I start sobbing again. "I don't know what's going on here. What did I do? Why can't you sleep in your own bed?" She walks off into what I presume was the other room.

Now, I have no idea why she wanted to sleep downstairs. I didn't hear her have any sort of altercation with my dad upstairs, so it's not like they had a fight. I think she's just mad at us all. And frankly . . . none of us did anything. I know she's been stressed lately about her knee surgery, about money, about my dad's work, about her work, about not seeing my dad and being lonely, about all this crepe that's been on the news lately, about global warming, about God knows what else . . .

At this point, my sister sits up, sees me crying, and goes, "what the hell just happened?" She gets up to see if my dad is even awake, and he's not.

If she keeps acting like this, I'm just going to cut my holiday short and go back to my apartment, where at least I know I can exist in peace. Although I know that might make things worse. Seriously though . . . this has never happened before.

The kicker here is that I got my period today. That means that my stress level, which has been exceedingly high as of late, has dipped down low enough for me to even get my period. I've had an exceedingly rough semester and really just wanted to have a super low key Christmas.

My hunch is that the biggest thing here is that she's just lonely. The congregation at my dad's church won't cut my dad a break, so she barely ever sees him. I live an hour and a half away, and my sister lives about 4 hours away, both of us for grad school. My mom doesn't seem to have many friends anymore. My grandmother closes herself in like a hermit.

I think I'll be calling my therapist in the morning.

*My dad and sister have depression, and I have anxiety. My mom claims to have nothing, but lately, I'm not so sure about that. She claims that the depression and anxiety stuff weigh her down because she doesn't understand it, and she asked me to find her a support group. I did, and I sent her the info. I don't know if she's looked into it. I give her advice about depression and anxiety ALL THE TIME and I don't know if its just not getting through?

[Yoda]

Sorry your mom was so upsetting.

[Leed]

It sounds to me like your Mom is very lonely, and she's trying to start a discussion - ANY discussion - just to have someone to talk to! With your Dad's work taking up ALL of his time, and the two of you girls living hours away, it looks like she doesn't have anyone to talk to. I'm glad you gave her sources of support to reach out to -- if she doesn't use them, that's HER fault, not yours. You are NOT your parents' keepers. So there's nothing you can do about it after you leave.

I hope she will reach out for support, but if she doesn't it's no one else's fault but her own. I'm VERY happy to hear that YOU are in therapy. So many of us from dysfunctional families need the help of therapy, and it sure did ME a world of good. I spent most of my adult life in therapy, but I guess I've "graduated" because I've been told I don't need it anymore -- at least not right now. LOL

I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care of YOU. Happy New year!! Hugs, Lee