[birdcrazy]

This is becoming a problem in my marriage and has always been a problem in my life. Basically I am very bad at arguing or defending my point of view.

When an argument does start, I either end up always repeating the same thing, or I end up not saying anything in defense of myself even when I do know what they are saying is a bad argument and any other person would be able to tear apart that argument. Also often if someone is telling me something, I often become immediately convinced they are correct and I'm highly suggestible. Sometimes I tell someone later what was said and they get mad that that person said that and they wonder why I went along with it.

Like for example my landlady's boyfriend is my husband's best friend. They are doing stuff that is illegal for a landlord to do and I got fed up with it and tried to argue, but I could only muster a couple of words now and then. The worst argument I heard was "we are not your landlords, we are you're friends and that changes everything". I knew that that statement was crap, but I couldn't give a defense.

[katya093]

well shucks i can relate a little bit with the landlord situation .
our landlord is our neighbor and our doctor and a close friend .
I live with my boyfriend and the landlord knows he should fix something however his wife is just a stubborn women and also lazy so nothing gets done .
heating is broken . water pipes are poor so my bf and i fixed it individually which isnt how it should work . they also raised our rent and we are getting the same service as before so we feel like something needs to change .
my bf holds back on confronting them because the landlords wife will yell at you for awhile even if its a few words .
So '-
one night i said to my boyfriend - this is not right , we are great neighbors and we at least deserve the place to be fixed up if we are paying rent here
we went over and sat them down and said
" look , i understand that you guys have things to do and stuff but
you also have a job to manage your property . We are paying to live here and all we want is for the heating and pipes to be working . "
they understood and fixed the heating pipes are next,
- in your case if i were you
i would go over and confront them ,
say
" look i know we are friends but you are also our landlord , it would be a statement in denial if you said no .
I am not meaning to cause any trouble and I am not telling you what to do
but just want you to know (by law) what you are doing
is not appropriate , Im telling you this because i care as a friend.
hope you can understand .
if you dont want to say it in person a not on the door or to them
works too

[katya093]

it is all a matter of just speaking from the heart, what you feel is worth saying .
don't have to second guess it .
(:
good luck !

[Leed]

Oh gosh, I know what you mean, especially in your marriage. When I used to fight with my ex -- he'd be saying stuff, and some of it I knew was WRONG, but I'd get so FLUSTERED, I couldn't manage to get the words out -- and my mind would be racing in 3 different directions, and I wanted to get ALL my points across, but I couldn't even get ONE across cause I was so upset! It made me so darned mad! And if I brought it up later, it would start the fight all over again! But sometimes I'd do it anyway! LOL

I know this stems from my childhood, because my parents used to fight all the time and it scared me something awful. Now, confrontation frightens me -- and I end up a blithering idiot! And that makes me MAD. Yes, I've been thru therapy -- years of it, darn it. LOL

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee