Ok tbh, I know that I'm a bit conservative and to many, old fashioned in my thinking so please don't go out of your way to remind me of this. I know it and I am happy with this.

Ok I have heard over many years and on this forum, both directly and indirectly the reference to the term "friends with benefits". I honestly am asking the question because for me, I can't understand how this can be done without a lot of complications in your life.

This is not a judgement on those that can find this kind of relationship rewarding and I am not here to make a moral statement about sex outside of a serious relationship. I accept that it's a personal choice and if it's ok with you that's fine with me I'll try to remain objective in this post as much as possible.

So what is my question? I wonder, is it really possible to have a relationship with someone as a friend that involves sex without commitment? What I mean is, is it really possible to say that you can do this without really getting attached? All morality aside, In my mind I feel that, at least for me, if I were to allow myself to be physically intimate with a woman, I know for a fact there are going to be connections made with her that make me become attached to her. Let alone I don't think I could actually do that unless I were falling for her in the first place but that's beside the point. In my mind we connect on many different levels as friends, lovers, and everything in between and when sex is involved, it ups the ante and just brings the relationship to a new level that is beyond friends anymore. Am I weird in thinking this or what?

A deeper question is, if you try to be in a "friends with benefits" relationship, for you who have, has it been difficult to keep it on a friendship level for you? I wonder if it's as complex as it is in my mind. Many would say they do this to avoid the complications in a real relationship but is it really uncomplicated or are the complications just different? Assuming I'm correct on the complications involved, if you're going to be in a relationship like this that involves complications anyway why not just go ahead and make it a real, attached one?

I have a feeling someone's going to feel like my post is stupid or ignorant but please understand I'm just curious and I'm not about to get into an argument about what's right and wrong here. That's not my intention at all

[Big Mama]

I understand you questioning here. It does seem to me that friends w/ benefits would be strange. Seeing your best friend w/ no clothes on is weird. (I would think) Seeing intimate parts of your friend, yikes, I just don't know about that.

It would be my prefrence to have sex w/ someone who I had a connection to. I used to have good male friends and I think putting sex into the mix would take away from that friendship. The openness shared between male and female is understanding because you do not let sexual emotions get in the way. If you throw sex into that mix, then you just have lack of honesty and openness in conversation because it will equal more (or less) sex. The humans relating to one another is gone because it becomes a game of pay off for the correct answer and buying of understanding w/ sex.

I don't know if that makes since to anyone. Not having friends w/ benefits is the only way to have true friendship w/ the opposite sex to me. I guess I'm just an old foggie huh.

I don't wish to offend anyone here. That is just my opinion. Like my H says opinions are like butts we all have um, and some are better then others.

Whatever works for people really! It takes all sorts and I don't have a problem with it. Personally I could never sleep with someone who I wasn't head over heels with - and if I were ever able, and in the situation, I'd probably only start to confuse sex with affection and start to fall for them. Then I guess it means I would get hurt.

Originally Posted by riotgrrrl

Whatever works for people really! It takes all sorts and I don't have a problem with it. Personally I could never sleep with someone who I wasn't head over heels with - and if I were ever able, and in the situation, I'd probably only start to confuse sex with affection and start to fall for them. Then I guess it means I would get hurt.

That's how I feel. And of course, to each, his or her own. Whatever is working for them I accept that it's fine for them

I just happened to read an article about this type of situation and in it it says exactly that... it's likely that one of the people involved will get attached emotionally. I wouldn't get involved sexually like I said unless I was already attached to someone -- head over heels, like you say but hypothetically speaking, I know I would if I allowed myself to be in a relationship like that.

Originally Posted by Big Mama

I understand you questioning here. It does seem to me that friends w/ benefits would be strange. Seeing your best friend w/ no clothes on is weird. (I would think) Seeing intimate parts of your friend, yikes, I just don't know about that.

It would be my prefrence to have sex w/ someone who I had a connection to. I used to have good male friends and I think putting sex into the mix would take away from that friendship. The openness shared between male and female is understanding because you do not let sexual emotions get in the way. If you throw sex into that mix, then you just have lack of honesty and openness in conversation because it will equal more (or less) sex. The humans relating to one another is gone because it becomes a game of pay off for the correct answer and buying of understanding w/ sex.

I don't know if that makes since to anyone. Not having friends w/ benefits is the only way to have true friendship w/ the opposite sex to me. I guess I'm just an old foggie huh.

I don't wish to offend anyone here. That is just my opinion. Like my H says opinions are like butts we all have um, and some are better then others.

I wholly agree with you on this. thank you.