Reality check: how much stress is still normal?

Within a family:

How much stress do you find in a normal relationship?

How often does someone say something hurtful?

How much fighting is normal?

How many times do you have a hard time too forgive something?

a. Once a year?
b. Once a month?

In my family, we fight a lot...especially over the smallest things. Even if we have a big fight, we will ignore each other for a few months and get back together. After the fight we give each other a few days and we are back to normal. I don't find it hard to forgive my family because they will always be there no matter what. At the end of the day, you are stuck with them! But maybe you should talk to them and tell them not to give so much stress.

Tough questions! I know all healthy couples have disagreements sometimes, but they shouldn't say hurtful things to each other or get into physical battles. If they do say something hurtful, then I'd say it should be very rare, and then the person should apologize for saying it and work not to do it again. I don't think someone should keep doing the same wrong thing over and over. Apologies can be cheap and insincere.

Abusers always say they won't abuse the spouse again, but they will. They do. If a couple is under this kind of stress, then they need to get counseling immediately. If the husband won't go, then the wife should. And the wife shouldn't let it happen more than twice, at the most.

That's my take, off the top of my head, anyway.

I think that the fact of your posing this question to this audience signals that you are definitely under too much stress. I have no doubt about it.

How much stress do you find in a normal relationship?

I don't experience prolonged anxiety. But my wife is often stressed out in our relationship. However, she tells me that the stress never lasts much longer than the situation that caused it. In other words, she doesn't have nightmares about an argument we had or anything of the sort. In every long-term, committed relationship, there are bound to be conflicts which lead to stress. If these conflicts result in nervous breakdowns or daily headaches or prolonged resentment or depression, you may want to reconsider your choice of mate.

How often does someone say something hurtful?

Rarely ever. By that, I mean like name calling or other such nonsense. When we argue, the truth can be hurtful, but we try our hardest to refrain from name calling or other such nonsense because that would be an ad hominem fallacy which is detrimental to the argument we're presenting.

How much fighting is normal?

Like fist fighting? It's more like sparring. We don't do it out of anger; we do it to see who gets the last piece of cake. "Round 1, Fight!" We use gloves and everything. It's mostly safe...

How many times do you have a hard time too forgive something?

I can't hold a grudge. Seriously. I don't know how people have the patience for such things.