[CantExplain]

DISCUSSION TOPIC:

What does "apology" mean to you?

Well, if it's sincere, it means a change in behavior and/or treatment follows.

If it's insincere, then it's as useless as tits on a boar.

[KathyM]

For me, an apology means the offense will never happen again - EVER.

IMO, the lyrics to the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank say it best....

[heartexplodes]

To me, an apology is the admission that something has been done that has hurt another person and taking responsibility for it.
To be honest, I don't expect that the 'something' will never happen again, we're all human, we make mistakes.
For me, it's more the taking responsibility for what has happened.

[tinyrabbit]

I agree with Pfrog. The words "I'm sorry" mean nothing unless they are followed with action. Action without the words can be just as good.

[HarrySmiles]

Weakness, compromise, insincerity. A true apology should be born from regret and a desire to repent, not out of necessity, yet that is rarely the case.

[liveforfish]

Originally Posted by heartexplodes

To me, an apology is the admission that something has been done that has hurt another person and taking responsibility for it.
To be honest, I don't expect that the 'something' will never happen again, we're all human, we make mistakes.
For me, it's more the taking responsibility for what has happened.

I agree.

[Leed]

To me, an apology means that something rotten has happened, and the person is sorry for it -- hopefully it is a sincere apology -- and they'll never do it again.

If it happens again, well you know that person is a liar and wasn't sorry for the previous incident in the first place.

[lady1158]

I heard somewhere that a proper apology consists of three parts. 1) saying "I'm sorry" (and meaning it) 2)admitting that you were wrong (Not just, I'm sorry you feel that way about my actions.) and 3)offering to do something to make it better.

[Neversolost]

"I'm sorry" that isn't followed with "but you"

[adam_k]

It is the first step in ackowledging someone has hurt you in some way. It should be followed by reconcillation of some form. The act should also not happen again if at all possible. We are people and make mistakes, but the key is to learn from them and become a better person.

[Perna]

For me, an apology is coming from someone else outside me and is for their benefit, can help them better understand themselves and is part of a larger picture I create of that person for myself, starting with the initial interaction, the apology, and following. Just as they may be sincere or plastic/automatic with their apology, I can judge them positively or negatively, based on my own inner sincere/plastic/automatic perspective; they don't really have anything to do with one another.

If I misperceive, then, for me, a sincere apology might appear insincere or an insincere one might be taken as sincere. Why do those who are abused often stay with their abuser? If I am not honest with myself, my judgement can be skewed and that has nothing to do with the other person giving the apology anymore than if I am not honest with myself, I can apologize insincerely and that has nothing to do with the other person, either.

My apology is an sincere expression of regret for a (perceived) misdeed.

(*the reason why I qualified misdeed is because I am trying to get out of the habit of apologizing for almost everything I do: pretty much, for my existence).

Something interesting my father used to say to me growing up when I apologized: "don't be sorry. just don't do it again". I still don't know what that means.

[Harley47]

Rose, I would think he was trying to tell you to not fret over the bad emotions (such as the regret) and just not do what whatever it was again. lol Very similar to when I respond "no worries" to someone, I guess.

Anyway, for me, an apology is a sincere admission that something wrong has occurred, and that one is taking responsibility for and trying to improve whatever area or issue that begat the apology. It's not an oath to perfection in whatever area it was (well...maybe save for "big ones," I guess. I have before accepted an apology for someone cheating on me, but there's some things that don't really get second chances ), but a sincere effort to try.

[LipsSewnShut]

I hate the word "Sorry."

You don't say sorry, you show sorry.

[CantExplain]

Thanks guys! I am gratified to find that most of you see it the way I do: that an apology should be accompanied by some effort to out things right or avoid a recurrence.

My experience of psychotherapists is that they are quick to apologise but they seldom follow it up with behaviour. Some people on the psychotherapy board said that I was expecting too much.