[melanie30]

if you read my past posts ive been mentally abused by my ex...the past couple days my ex left me messages saying we need to talk which is his famous line. ive ignored him and made no contact with him for a month now. i dont get why the last time he saw me and i told him how it was and that i didnt love him anymore wanted nothing to do with him anymore and he is still calling me telling me he needs to talk??? why is he doing this

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by melanie30

if you read my past posts ive been mentally abused by my ex...the past couple days my ex left me messages saying we need to talk which is his famous line. ive ignored him and made no contact with him for a month now. i dont get why the last time he saw me and i told him how it was and that i didnt love him anymore wanted nothing to do with him anymore and he is still calling me telling me he needs to talk??? why is he doing this

I take it, since he leaves messages and you do not call him back, calls from his number are forwarded to VM right away. That is good.

Why do you need to know his motivation?

As long as he cannot talk to you and can just leave messages, you are OK.

[hamster-bamster]

And in response to your question "why does he not get it?" I would ask you "why do you care?" If he gets it, what would be better? Say, now you have his VM's which you can either store or delete. If he "gets it", there would be no VM's.

Is there such a big difference between having VM's and not having VM's?

[Perna]

He's hoping you will have doubts and he can wear you down. Have you broken up before with him and then gone back? Keep up the good work of not letting him contact you; maybe change your phone number or temporarily borrow someone else's phone and keep that one off (or do without a phone for a week or two, as if you'd lost it)? If you did not know he was trying to contact you, it could be much easier to not think of him or realize that you are thinking of him (which is your problem) and deal with it in a better way.

[Meisjes]

My ex did the same - filled up the answering machine and kept asking what about us? our future... why why why. He didn't get it either. The last time this came up I told him he was not happy with any of my reasons, that they were still my reasons even if he didn't like them and I would not be giving him any more reasons. I don't care if he got it or not. No more phone calls.

[melanie30]

my therapost told me to save and document every message from him so i have to listen to them

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

And in response to your question "why does he not get it?" I would ask you "why do you care?" If he gets it, what would be better? Say, now you have his VM's which you can either store or delete. If he "gets it", there would be no VM's.

Is there such a big difference between having VM's and not having VM's?

[Keifer]

Clearly he's got issues.....usually people who are physically or mentally abusive always do. If its definitely over,forget it and move on! Don't wear yourself down trying to understand what's going through his head....... Live you're own life and let go. Maybe change your number if its really bothering you.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by melanie30

my therapost told me to save and document every message from him so i have to listen to them

OK, so there is a practical purpose. If that is the case, then you should be happy that he is still leaving messages because otherwise you would be unable to do the homework assigned by the therapist.

Is it homework helping you to process and learn something, or is the therapist thinking that the guy might be a threat to you so you should be documenting his contacts in case you eventually need to restrain him from contacting you?

Or both?

[tinyrabbit]

I don't mean to sound harsh, but he's not the only one who isn't getting it.

He doesn't respect your wishes or your boundaries. He thinks his famous line will work. This evidently isn't out of character.

I think it would be a good idea to change your number.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I think it would be a good idea to change your number.

I think it is too much of a hassle. Just think about updating every credit card, bank, work, school, friends, etc. etc. I do realize that most communications are now via email anyway, but still, not all. Say, if I lose my GMAIL password, the set up is that a temp password is texted to me. Many banks use text messages to deal with security issues as well. So you will need to update them all. It will take so much time.

Also, it seems that the reason OP listens to and retains messages is due to a recommendation/assignment from the T. So the T must be seeing some value in it.

[melanie30]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

OK, so there is a practical purpose. If that is the case, then you should be happy that he is still leaving messages because otherwise you would be unable to do the homework assigned by the therapist.

Is it homework helping you to process and learn something, or is the therapist thinking that the guy might be a threat to you so you should be documenting his contacts in case you eventually need to restrain him from contacting you?

Or both?

restraining order

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by melanie30

restraining order

OK. That makes sense. Then just treat it as a practical exercise - you listen to and record the VM's as a way to collect evidence to present in support for a motion for an RO.

You do not need to think about why he does not get it while you are recording these VM's. All you need is to record the VM's.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by melanie30

if you read my past posts ive been mentally abused by my ex...the past couple days my ex left me messages saying we need to talk which is his famous line. ive ignored him and made no contact with him for a month now. i dont get why the last time he saw me and i told him how it was and that i didnt love him anymore wanted nothing to do with him anymore and he is still calling me telling me he needs to talk??? why is he doing this

Do you have to keep collecting his VM's forever or do you have some sort of a numerical goal in mind (or, in T's mind) - say, after X VM's you file for an RO?

[hamster-bamster]

I have never used Google Voice, but from what I understand, it might be what you need - "Voicemail transcripts. Reading of voicemail messages online".

You need to find out if the transcripts are admissible into evidence though. If they are, and you can set it up in such a way that the service transcribes to text for you and you do not need to listen to what he has to say, that would be a good solution.