[Caliope77]

Hi All,

This is my first time posting in this thread. I'm re-reading Women Who Love Too Much, and once again seeing too much of myself in it. I've started to read this time because my boyfriend and I have reached another sticky point in our relationship. We used to hit these rocky patches constantly. Honestly I'm really surprised we survived the first three years or so (well, after reading the book I realize it was because I kept begging him to stay and promising *I* would change).

This is the first one of these we've had in about a year. Once again I just don't know how things will turn out. A week ago we agreed to get married. Then he became upset when I began telling some people. Then it got worse when I backed off and I assumed things were on hold. Honestly I don't know what is up (communication is extremely hard work for us). We both agree that it would be good for us to take a break, but we live together. I'm going to go out of town this weekend to hang out by myself and try to give him some time to think.

I want to break this pattern, but as soon as he says he might want to leave, I fall to pieces. I become DESPERATE to keep him from leaving, even though my conscious mind tells me it just might be the best thing. I think I'm really afraid this is my last chance at love. I think he feels the same way. He said today that if we break up he doesn't plan to date anyone ever again.

Just looking for a way to keep my sanity together and try to accept whatever happens.

Also, Leed, if you see this, well, I haven't stayed sober, though I can truthfully say I haven't been drunk. I've kept it to a couple of drinks per week. But that's another topic for another forum.

[BonnieG2010]

Seems like you cannot step out of this pattern alone.

Have you ever had professional help?

When you talk about your last chance at love..... I must say that i think about love as a feeling between two people who can stand on their own feet.

The love you lack is love for yourself. And without that life's really hard.

[Leed]

Dear Caliope ~ why are you letting this man hold the keys to your LIFE? Do you really think that your life is going to END without him? If that was true, there would be an awful lot of women laying dead on the streets!

First you've allowed this whole mess to screw up your sobriety. And secondly, what about your integrity? What about your self-worth? Your self-esteem? Where has all that gone?

You don't NEED a man. Yes, it's nice to have a partner in life, but you're making it sound like you HAVE to have one much like the air you breathe, and it's not true! What kind of a hold does he have on you?

He is NOT the LAST "love" you'll ever have, sweetie. You've just talked yourself into that. There are plenty of opportunities out there for you. You two have a "love-hate" relationship that will NEVER work, and if you got married it would be a disaster.

You would be very smart to just LEAVE this relationship, and move on. It will hurt for awhile, but we ALL get over these break-ups. It is NOT the end of the world, and you DO have plenty of chances for other potential relationships. I would HOPE that you would get into therapy so you wouldn't choose someone like this again! So often, we women choose the SAME kinds of men over and over again -- we have to stop the vicious cycle.

Please see a therapist -- not only to stop choosing the "bad guys' but also to protect your sobriety!!! From the sounds of it, you haven't gone TOO FAR overboard as far as drinking, but it won't be long and you'll be right back at it. I'm really concerned for you my friend. I don't want you to go back to that life.

Keep me posted, will you? God bless and please take care. Love, Lee