[loobahh89]

I’m sorry, this is a long one.

Last week, on the day we literally just finished moving me out of my apartment to his apartment, things came to a head. Since there are a lot of boxes in the living room he has been making a lot of “lighthearted” insults that I am the butt of. Lots of comments about my “tower of ****.” I asked him this morning if we could take a break from the joking around but that really upset him. He takes it to mean that he shouldn’t talk at all. I try to explain that I just don’t want to be the butt of his jokes but that just makes things worse. He said that he believed I wanted him to just “shut up” and now I’m making him talk which is really unfair to him. When we actually got to my apartment to finish cleaning it out, he barely said anything to me. And with an hour left before the landlord would be there to take my keys he went down to the car to sit because “there was nowhere to sit in the apartment anymore.” I mentioned that there was enough time to run back home and come back so he wouldn’t have to wait around. He then just asked me what I wanted him to do. I never know what to say to that because what I want is for him to make that decision for himself. I had an interview afterwards. We were an hour early to the interview so we went to a restaurant parking lot. I couldn’t stand the tension so I went outside to smoke a cigarette. The wind was bad so I went to go stand by a neighboring car to block the wind to light the cigarette. He then was upset at me for lurking around cars when I should have just stayed in the car. He then is telling me he is going to just drop me off an hour early at my interview. I was recently laid off so this is the first interview I have had and I did not think showing up and hour early and upset to my appointment would be good. We found a gas station to wait at. A little before it was time to go I announced that I was going to walk into the gas station because I needed to use the rest room. He asked why I wouldn’t just go at the place I was interviewing. I said I always felt it was weird and rude to show up to an interview and have the very first impression be “do you have a bathroom.” That also upset him and he said something like “oh never mind, there I go again, offering solutions that just get shot down.” I did get upset and yell back something like “no apparently what I’m supposed to do is only do and agree to your ideas.” After I got back from the bathroom we went to my interview. After the interview we headed home. I have an anxiety disorder so I throw up a lot when I’m stressed. When we got home he rushed into the bathroom and I was feeling nauseous the whole ride home. So while the bathroom was occupied I was throwing up into the sink. He then stormed out, after hearing me, and said “there’s a ****ing bathroom” and was even more upset. He then just crawled under the sheets and pulled the covers over his eyes. I went to get his keys, because I haven’t gotten mine from the landlords yet, but he snapped “don’t take my keys.” I said I had to get things from outside and he reiterated something like “don’t take my keys, I can buzz you in.” We usually keep the keys on the front table but he moved them so he was sleeping right next to them so he could tell if I took them. I was very upset and told all of this to a few different relationship live chat volunteers to try to get some perspective as I wasn’t sure if I was well founded in my feelings, or if I was just panicking. I came to the decision that I needed to move out immediately. I called my mother and was moved out within a few hours. He was obviously very upset that I made the decision without consulting him and that I called my parents before I spoke with him. I said I was willing to continue dating but I needed not live with him. I also needed to focus more on my mental health.

I moved out on a Tuesday, didn’t see him on Wednesday, visited him on Thursday and Friday, and again didn’t see him on Saturday. I was invited to a friend’s party that was on Friday. I told him I wanted to go. He has a history of girlfriends cheating on him so he has always been upfront with needing a little extra support when I go out without him. We had a talk on Friday, before I went out about it. I was with him up until about 9:00-9:30pm. At the time I was feeling tired so I told him that I thought I would maybe only stay for an hour and then head home. I got back to my patent’s to change quick but my mother was quite chatty so I stayed to chat with her a while. Because of that I left later than I intended and only got to the party around 11:45pm. It was a smaller group than I expected so I felt comfortable and was enjoying myself so I only got home around 2:30am. When I got home I checked my purse for my phone but discovered I left it in the car so there was a text about an hour old from him saying he was worried. I responded that I was sorry and tried to explain. He then said that he was glad I was home safe and had a good time but was disappointed and hurt I didn’t more actively try to reduce his worry. I was worried about calling him the next day because I knew he was upset at me so I kept in touch by texting. He called around 4:00pm and was upset that I hadn’t called earlier. He said that he was very hurt because he had last heard from me (texting doesn’t count) around 9:00pm the night before and “if anyone asked me what my girlfriends was up to I would have no idea what to tell them.” (not exact quote but what I remember.) He then was also very upset that I didn’t have any regard for his feelings when I knew plans were changing. I should have let him know that I only got to the party at 11:45, not around 10:00 like I thought earlier in the day. And I should have kept better tabs on my phone. I said that I thought I had my phone in my purse and it was by me. So when I hadn’t heard my ringtone I though he was trusting me to text him when I got home. He was very upset and kept saying that he now had a “better understanding of where we are in our relationship,” and that it seemed as if I was testing him by telling him specific details, like I only wanted to stay for an hour originally, and then changing from those plans. We had been talking for about an hour at this point and I was very upset and crying. I also don’t find words easily when I can’t write things out so he was getting upset that I was being unproductive to the conversation and just crying into the phone. Plus he was upset I was wasting his minutes by just crying into the phone because he only gets 300 a month. After I confirmed that I couldn’t really get words out and would have to text him me quickly said goodbye/love you and hung up. I’m honestly not sure if I’m being the emotionally abusive one or if he is, or if it is mutual. Any opinions would be welcome. We have only been dating for about 5 months.

[hamster-bamster]

You certainly do not sound emotionally abusive. Not knowing where you cell phone is is absent-mindedness. Nothing to do with being abusive.

[~Christina]

This relationship is only 5 months old.. I say end it now and move on. He doesn't seem like a very pleasant person to say the least.