[hoping4best]

some of you might be familiar with my story. i was engaged to one guy due to family pressure and was in love with another. now both of them are gone! and i' m engaged to this new guy (also selected by my family but i also gave my consent because although i still like my ex bf but i know there isn't any future with him). the problem is that i have heard the 3 magical words a lot of times by now and i don't trust men saying that any more, it doesn't feel real to me anymore. my fiance says he loves me and its just been a week since we are engaged. he dint know me before so its not like he knew me before engagement and liked me secretly.

how can he really love me? its just so soon and for that its alarming. also, i feel that he wants me to respond similarly, but i' m not that kind of person who says i love you when i don't mean it - so i haven't said that to him yet. what should i do? i do believe in giving him a fair chance...but i feel like im freaking out a bit here. i don't want to scare this guy away and i really want this relationship to work otherwise i' ll become a laughing stock for people. i do like my fiance -as a person- he seems caring and affectionate...but i don't believe that he means it when he says that he loves me and cant live without me.

[Leed]

Can you have a "heart to heart" talk with him? Can you express these concerns with him? Wouldn't it be a good idea to have a really GOOD talk with him and just be open and honest?

I think I would tell him just what you said here --- That you two haven't even KNOWN each other long enough to be able to say "I love you" or "I can't live without you." Tell him you think that you two need more time to get to know each other, but that you think the relationship has a very good chance!

Perhaps if you get the lines of communication open - and open them with HONESTY -- they'll stay that way. Every relationship has to have good communication and the basis of that has to be honesty. So if you start it out that way, it sure will help!

Best of luck sweetie, and keep us posted as to how you do, okay? Hugs, Lee

[hoping4best]

Originally Posted by Leed

Can you have a "heart to heart" talk with him? Can you express these concerns with him? Wouldn't it be a good idea to have a really GOOD talk with him and just be open and honest?

I think I would tell him just what you said here --- That you two haven't even KNOWN each other long enough to be able to say "I love you" or "I can't live without you." Tell him you think that you two need more time to get to know each other, but that you think the relationship has a very good chance!

Perhaps if you get the lines of communication open - and open them with HONESTY -- they'll stay that way. Every relationship has to have good communication and the basis of that has to be honesty. So if you start it out that way, it sure will help!

Best of luck sweetie, and keep us posted as to how you do, okay? Hugs, Lee

rabbit is outta the bag. i'd been feeling that he wants me to respond similartly ,but yesterday he said it to me clearly that he wants similar response and needs to be loved as much as he'll love me. i said okay, and that he should understand that i'd like to save few things for until we get married. he said he understands that. but i can tell that he got upset! i dont want to screw things up with this guy. i said that im looking forward to marry him..... shouldnt that be enough for now?????

[Travelinglady]

I do think when people say, "I love you," they do expect the other person to say, "I love you" in response.

Love can be a feeling of warmness, a caring about the other person to the point where you are willing to make compromises and sacrifices, a desire for the person to be happy, and can even be used when the feeling is more lust than a real love.

It is tough when one person says it very quickly into a relationship. How can we "love" in a way that will work for marriage with someone when we don't really know him or her?

Of course, the Greeks had words for all kinds of love. It's unfortunate that we don't have such a variety to explain what it really means.

I agree with Leed that it would be a good idea to talk to him about it. Do you truly at least care for him right now and believe that you can have a future together? The main thing is not to mislead him. That said, there are still countries where marriages are arranged and sometimes the couples do learn to love each other over time.

[hoping4best]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

I do think when people say, "I love you," they do expect the other person to say, "I love you" in response.

Love can be a feeling of warmness, a caring about the other person to the point where you are willing to make compromises and sacrifices, a desire for the person to be happy, and can even be used when the feeling is more lust than a real love.

It is tough when one person says it very quickly into a relationship. How can we "love" in a way that will work for marriage with someone when we don't really know him or her?

Of course, the Greeks had words for all kinds of love. It's unfortunate that we don't have such a variety to explain what it really means.

I agree with Leed that it would be a good idea to talk to him about it. Do you truly at least care for him right now and believe that you can have a future together? The main thing is not to mislead him. That said, there are still countries where marriages are arranged and sometimes the couples do learn to love each other over time.

yes and i belong to a similar culture where marriages are still arranged by families. i am sincere with him to the point that i want this relationship to work and our mutual affection and "love" to blossom over time. i just want that people dont expect me to love them back in a set time frame. i need to take my time to develop trust in "love" again (and i certainly cant discuss my past relationships with him).