Help with "Unemotional Girl"

I went out for drinks with this girl a few months back & had a great time, realised we have a ridiculous amount of things in common, similar interests & way of thinking - we're 2 very similar people. We had a great laugh & some flirty banter. Unfortunatly I bottled going for the kiss.

There are signs that she likes me so I asked her out on a date & she said she has no time for dating as she's so busy with her job, but she's flattered & nice to know there's a genuine guy out there.

When we went out she told me she was "shy, introverted, doesn't like being made a fool of & puts barriers between herself & other people". She also told me she had a bad break up with her ex 3 years ago as he got pretty serious & intense on her, she's been single ever since. I've actually known her for 9 years on & off although nothing has ever happened, I remember her telling me once years agothat she got her heart broken in her teens & doesn't like letting people get close to her.

Here's where I need help: There are signs she likes me, even 1 of her friends said so. She's not shy, a tad introverted & a bit withdrawn, and theres a high chance she doesn't trust guys after her past & being burned. She's been single for 3 years but openly admits to having had quite a few 1 night stands.

I've been hanging out with her hoping she'd get to know me & trust me. She openly told me all that personal stuff above & seems quite comfortable with me. I'd like to give asking her out another try, that I only have good intentions & that I'm not her exes - that she should know I'm honest & genuine and she can trust me. I'm not even asking for a relationship or for her to marry me etc - nothing serious, but given how well we get on it would be crazy not to give it a go. I'd over emphasize all it is is a date, very low key & if it were to go well we could go total slow at snails pace. The only thing we're missing is intimacy.

As a lead in to talking about the above paragraph I thought about talking about something from my past thats burned me or making up a fake story about a guy from work who likes this girl but is struggling with her as she's been treated badly in the past.....or just talking to her outright.

I'm sure lots of people will tell me to forget her, but she's not that bad really. I just think its a lack of trust; I've always liked her and im not ready to give up just yet - if she likes me but its her past thats holding her back thats so frustrating - I'd never hurt her!

Any thoughts on this or advice on how to approach this whole thing?

Hi! If indeed she has been hurt in the past, then I suspect she will need some therapy to get beyond that and to the point where she can date again and feel comfortable getting close to someone.

You can certainly try to be her friend, but I suspect you shouldn't push the issue too much. She's already told you about her history. Maybe if you just try to see her in friend type activities such as lunch, she might feel more comfortable.

However, I am concerned about her one-night stands. I think she might be pretty messed up right now, so I don't think you stand a big chance of winning her over, unless she does get therapy--and it might take a good while. That's my opinion, anyway.

She sounds like she has some SERIOUS trust issues. You could be the most perfect person in the world and it wouldn't make that much of a difference.

I can only speak from my own experience as someone who has trust issues. It's been an ongoing battle most of my life and continues to be. People often describe me as cold or unemotional/withdrawn but it couldn't be further from the truth. Being emotional or letting someone get really close to me makes me feel extremely vulnerable. Having these issues and being in a relationship causes a lot of problems.

I agree with the previous poster. She most likely does need therapy to help her work through this because it's not just going to go away. You can't push her past her comfort level or she will withdraw from you more. If you aren't ready to give up then don't, but your going to have to have the patience of a saint. Don't put your life on hold either. It's going take a significant amount of time for her to get past this. I don't think she's as comfortable with you as you might think. You've only seen the tip of the iceberg with her personal issues. Good Luck!