[crystalrose]

I have had a heap of relationships, been used for sex in a few open relationships.
I feel damaged and I am single at the moment.
I have been looking for a relationship in real life and online and no one wants me.
I feel so lonely all the time and just want someone to snuggle next to.
I want to get married and have a family and I know that it will not sole any of my problems but it's something I want and I am no closer to it than I was before.
Any advice...????????

[Brightheart]

Hi Crystalrose.

How is your relationship with yourself? Do you love yourself? I know how difficult this can be, but I really think it's the place to start. Are you in therapy?

Take care.

[crystalrose]

Yeah I am in therapy.
Will talk to T about it.
I do love myself but I think I have been hurt so much I am just not finding it easy to trust a new person, but then again not finding a loving partner at the moment only people who want sex only.
I don't give in to it anymore,
I want more than that.
Why cant men understand that I will give them sex everyday if they respect me and love me in an exclusive way, I would give them the best they have ever had in their life, but if thats all they want then it's kind of off putting.

[tinyrabbit]

You say you love yourself, but I don't think you love yourself enough. If you're single, the thing to focus on is not how lonely you feel, but what YOU want from life and from a new partner.

Don't think about how "no one wants me". You're getting that feeling because you aren't happy with yourself, you're lonely, you aren't okay in your own company. Think about who YOU want instead!

[adam_k]

Loneliness and desperation can attract the wrong kind of people. The kind of people who lead you on and then leave you feeling used or taken advantage of. I hate being alone myself, and I would border on saying I can't really tolerate it, but problems or feelings you have with yourself usually cause problems in the releationship.

I would try and focus on being happy and content with yourself. When you are happier and have optimism it is easier to find someone. People tend to gravitate towards people that are happier than, ones that are depressed/sad from my experience.

There are a lot of people in this world and each of them has thier own values and personality. I think the question to ask yourself is what you want in a partner. Is it merely a person to be with you to satiate your feelings of lonilness or do you want something deeper, to find a connection and bond with another person.

Dating is sort of like eating chocolates. They all look the same on the surface, but you don't get the full experience until you jump in. Keep your spirits up. It sucks not having anyone to spend time with and feel loved by, but it can happen at anytime. You could bump into that person you fall madly in love with. Try not to feel too bad that you haven't found that yet or feel like you are unlovable. It is quite possible you have just been around a stream of jerks who weren't right for you.

[Phreak]

I disagree that you've been unfairly used for sex in a knowingly open relationship.

I also believe that we can't expect others to love and value us unless we love and value ourselves.

Be content within yourself and you'll probably just find Mr. Right just comes along.

I'm sure your T will help you to hopefully achieve eveerything

Phreak

[crystalrose]

Just so you know, I was a third party to an open relationship.
I then was told by that man that he wanted out of his relationship.
Then I was used for sex and after that raped. So don't disrespect me, you don't know the whole messed up story.

Everything is f***** up.

[adam_k]

Originally Posted by crystalrose

Just so you know, I was a third party to an open relationship.
I then was told by that man that he wanted out of his relationship.
Then I was used for sex and after that raped. So don't disrespect me, you don't know the whole messed up story.

Everything is f***** up.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like you have been taken advantage of quite a bit. I think there are caring and loving people out there, they are just hard to find. It is more common to find selfish and self indulging people who would rather take care of thier own pleasures and satsifactions at the expense of others, than actually put in the work to develop a meaningful relationship.

I don't think you are unloveable, just that you have been exposed to some bad people that took advantage and used you. Even worse the rape. I'm sure that brings its own level of pain and misery to how you feel about establishing relationships.

There are good people out there, but you have to find them. I hope you can work on the trauma you have been through. Take care of yourself.

[yellowfrog268]

crystalrose,

Two thoughts come to mind.
First--Do you notice a pattern in the types of people you attract and/or seek out?
Second--Sometimes when we feel desperately lonely, we settle for the first person who offers even just a bit of encouragement or affection even if the person is totally wrong for us.

I've done both out of a sense of desolation and they never go well.

[avlady]

like someone else said, you need to love yourself first, and it will show and people can see it. Bring in positive body language, even if you don't feel it , it will grow on you. Happiness is contageeous, just like sadness and nobody except doc and T's don't want to be around negative people.