[ak482]

I'm struggling with trust issues, not so much in romantic relationships but with friends.

The back story: almost two years ago, I ran into my neighbor across the hall (he had just moved in) and we hit it off pretty well. He was struggling so I helped him out a little bit, but we were good friends and just hang out or maybe go to dinner. Well he kept asking for money, a little bit here & there, and paid it off. After he was evicted, I let him stay for a time at my place, and I asked him to look after it while I was away on vacation. When I returned, I found out that a $400 disk drive for my computer that I received for a birthday present was gone. After I decided to go back to school, he kept asking me for money and favors at all hours, including going into the scary parts of town at late hours (extremely dangerous situation). Twice I cut him off but he threatened suicide and got hot at me saying I was the only person who could help. He always needed money for his 3 kids who lived with his crackhead ex-wife (and yes she was that, her place reeked of drugs) but I wonder where the money I loaned him went to. He literally broke me financially and emotionally, to the point I considered suicide. When I told my family that I was going to take my life, they came to take me out of town for an intervention of sorts, and I left my keys at home. Well the scumbag took my car without a driver's license (I had let him borrow it but I didn't know he didn't have a license), and he got busted and sang to the cops that I let him use my car, so I had to cancel a vacation and spend family money on lawyer's fees to get the charges tossed.

Sorry for the rant, but the point is, I'm afraid to let anyone into my life because I worry about their motivations. This was someone I had trusted but took full advantage of me due to my belief in helping out others. I just have a distrust of people when they want something from me and I'm really creating a shell around myself. Is there a way to see the good in people?

[optimize990h]

Hello, ak482.



Yes, it is possible. I am like you, my trust was broken more than once.

It is difficult when trust has been lost through a co-dependent type of friendship, especially when financial abuse occurs. This has to be the worst series of incidents that occurred to a single person.

Here are some links to areas in this website that may provide you with answers you are searching for. Some answers may come from the posts in each forum or the response of the PC members to your posts in the appropriate forums.

Depression - Forums at Psych Central
http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...ns-loners.html
Grief and Loss - Forums at Psych Central
Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central

[hamster-bamster]

I am sorry this happened to you. What a nuisance to cancel your vacation and spend money on lawyer's fees!

I think you are overreacting to the case, though. If you adopt firm policies for yourself, you would not run into such situations. The policies should be: 1) no lending money to friends during this period of your life, 2) no visiting dangerous parts of town, 3) etc. - you get the point.

In other words, your mistrusting the whole humanity in reaction to this incident is an overkill.

Please see somebody about your suicidal ideation though!

[ak482]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I am sorry this happened to you. What a nuisance to cancel your vacation and spend money on lawyer's fees!

I think you are overreacting to the case, though. If you adopt firm policies for yourself, you would not run into such situations. The policies should be: 1) no lending money to friends during this period of your life, 2) no visiting dangerous parts of town, 3) etc. - you get the point.

In other words, your mistrusting the whole humanity in reaction to this incident is an overkill.

Please see somebody about your suicidal ideation though!

Part of the intervention with the family was to get me to see a counselor, which I am doing both to get rid of the suicidal thoughts (which are gone thanks to the wonderful family & REAL friend support) and to deal with trust issues.

Obviously no one gets a cent from me now, I don't care if someone is dying. Sorry if that comes across as cruel, I don't want people using my kindness as a means to turn me into an ATM. Obviously now I realize how big of a sucker and a dope I was during this period. I suggested so many avenues outside of me lending money and this guy refused.

I don't want to say I mistrust all of humanity, but I hate the cynical feelings that I have now (ex. I see panhandlers on the street and I just want to scream "Freeloading Bums" at them.)

[unaluna]

I would wonder how your family treated you when you were growing up. I was also vulnerable in this way, but I think it's because it's how I wanted to be treated, or because my parents were so poor? Idk. But like you, I feel like I already gave enough now. I'm glad your family was there for you and willing and able to help you out. Hopefully therapy will teach us to value ourselves more.