[NameUser]

I am having a very very hard time right now.

Five years ago I met and married the most wonderful man I ever met. I have been in a deep depression for a few years. I thought God had sent him to me. He took care of me so well. We built a life together and had plans for the future. After two bad marriages full of lying and cheating, my new husband was completely honest, very religious and tried to help those in need. He helped me with my relationships with my parents which were strained and my two grown daughters that lived hours away.

I have been in therapy and on medication. I have felt suicidal off and on for the last five years but not for a few weeks. I was doing better actually.

My 20 year old daughter got into trouble for shoplifting. After getting kicked out of her home, we brought her to stay with us and get her life together. I was so happy. We could help my daughter get a job and learn to cope with her life better.

We got back home late Thursday night after a 4 hour (one-way) trip and went to sleep. My husband wanted my daughter to feel accepted as a way of connecting us with her. We let her smoke and she drank a beer (her usual behavior but not ours). Friday, we get up and husband says he is going to the office and Rachel is going with him. We had talked about her possibly getting a job there. I enjoyed a beautiful day watching the rain on the lake feeling that things were finally getting good in my life. Over the past few years I had lost my faith in God. My husband was very religious and had done a lot to help me with my faith. That day, I thought I might have found my faith in God again.

When they came back a few hours later, my daughter told me she needed to talk to me. We went upstairs and she said "Your husband just tried to rape me". In total shock I asked what happened. She said that my husband had stopped to buy some liquor and they were at the office drinking. My husband kept giving her more to drink then told her he would give her a massage. Then he said he would give her a better massage and suddenly pulled down her pants and underwear. She jumped up and said WTF and no way. She played normal until he brought her back to the house then she told me.

He denied pulling down her pants but said "can someone pull down someone else's pants if they don't want you to?". I packed everything I had and she and I left to drive back to her old home.

I am stuck between the pain and guilt of what happened to my daughter and my broken heart of losing my life and this man I thought I loved and knew.

My girls are trying to keep an eye on me at all times. They know of my psychological past. They fear what I might do to myself. I'm trying not to let myself go to dark places in my mind. I have pain medicine I am taking for the heartache and know I can't continue to do so.

Can anyone help in anyway?

lost

[Bill3]

What a terrible, shocking betrayal. Everything you believed about this man...gone.

I'm so sorry that this happened.

Would you be able to talk to your therapist or other trusted person about what happened? Consider calling a listening hotline if you need to talk to someone at once and no one else is available. Here is a link with quite a few such numbers:

Contact USA * Someone to listen, someone to care.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by NameUser

My girls are trying to keep an eye on me at all times. They know of my psychological past. They fear what I might do to myself. I'm trying not to let myself go to dark places in my mind. I have pain medicine I am taking for the heartache and know I can't continue to do so.

Can anyone help in anyway?

lost

So:

- you are in crisis
- you realize that you are in crisis
- your girls realize that you are in crisis
- your girls appreciate the severity of the crisis and its potentially lethal impact on you
- you are currently dealing with this crisis by using the pain medicine, which is a good band-aid for now, but you are aware of the limitations of this method, so for the long term, you need a better method than that
- you posted on here, hoping to get opinions

All of those things mean that you are dealing with the situation very well, but, at the same time, need more support.

So I agree with Bill - calling the hotline he recommended and talking a therapist seem to be the order of the day. Ideally, you should do both, because the crisis is so severe that you want to use all the available means of support. In technology, there is a thing called redundancy. Although the word "redundant" has a negative connotation in plain English, in technology, redundancy is a good thing. Say, if the data you need is of critical importance, you keep several copies of the data on different servers, so that if one server were to catch fire, al the other servers will still be functioning. So your situation is the same - you need redundancy. You need to engage ALL the possible means of support.

Best and keep us posted.