[tonybaloney]

Hi

I'm not sure how to describe this problem, but as I get older I find that I am becoming more independent and confident, but part of this is that very close relationships don't seem to last and I seem to have less and less close friends.

I am currently engaged to my fiancee and we are very close, and have a wonderful relationship that I feel is very healthy and evolving. But outside this relationship, I find that I don't feel attracted to making friends.

Most of the time I am very happy, but quite regularly I get strong feelings that I should have more friends to call on and spend time with and share intimate thoughts with. But at the same time, I don't feel particularly attracted to making friends with most of the people I meet. I like people, I'm a teacher so I meet a lot of people, but I rarely feel as though I would want to 'hang out' with them.

I'm not sure also whether this is just a natural part of growing up - I'm 32 now and whereas I used to just hang out with people and chat, it seems like I don't have time and most other people my age don't have time too!

This is all compounded by the fact that I did have a best friend until recently, my last remaining friend in the city where I live, but he let me down quite badly about something when I had really been going out of my way to do many things he asked of me for many months, and I ended up just saying to him that I wanted to retract from a business we were supposed to be setting up (he wanted to go abroad for several months of the year, and I didn't feel this was realistic, also he doesn't work very hard) and a number of other things he'd asked me to do and I'd agreed. In short, I felt that the relationship was one-sided and I was doing an awful lot of stuff for him and was very reliable whereas he was very capricious and willing to let me down.

I am willing to accept that there is something I'm not seeing in the way that I interact with people, and would appreciate any advice from people. I'm not an underconfident person and I don't have low self-esteem, but I find myself constantly wondering why I don't have more friends and why I don't seem to want friends.

[avlady]

I am also in the same predicament-hardly any friends i'm on disability and don't get out of the house to meet new people, i was volunteering at an elderly care unit, which i loved, but had to discontinue because of transportation problems.Sometimes having too many friends can also be exasperating because the friends get jealous of each other, I am married and do have a son so i do have some people to deal with.I worry endlessly about both of their health, school, job expences, and sometimes i just want to sign myself into the pschyc center as i have many problems from other health issues besides mental problems too.I just recently got out of the pschyc ard at our local hospital after 5 days i felt better,but the bad feeling is coming back and i fight signing myself in again.I do know, as you wanted advice, is that th best times in my life were when i had several friends that all got along, and i felt welcomed by them which was where i worked at grocery store.