Okay so I know when someone is using me and treating me like a back up friend most of the time. But this time, it's a situation I've never encountered before and want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. There is a girl at my college who I felt like used me and treated me like a back up friend because she only talked to me when she was alone. When she was with her boyfriend, she acted like me and everyone else around her didn't exist and only talked to him. In fact she got so close to him that eventually she stopped talking to literally everyone else on campus and has no friends, she admits to having paranoia problems. Just recently her boyfriend dumped her and now she talks to me and others nonstop, she admitted that she behaved that way and ignored everyone but said it was all her boyfriend's fault which I'm not sure if that's true or not. The reason for the. Break up was that her boyfriend's parents though she was rude, controlling, and didn't like her. She did in fact go everywhere he went literally, even walked him to and from classes. I feel like he could have made the decision to break up over the summer so it would be easier. In a normal situation I would not let her back into my life but since this time it involved a significant other which I haven't dealt with before, I feel like it's a bit different and just want to make sure I'm making the right decision. Something tells me not to let her back into my life but just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. If I do let her back into my life though, I will keep her at arms length and not hang out with her too much, just keep things at a casual level.

[kaliope]

your answer is in your own post. the girl has already shown and admitted that she is only friends when it is convenient for her. this sounds like a one way friendship. what would you have to gain by being friends with her. is she kind? giving? does she provide you with laughter and good times? as long as you are going to gain as well as receive from the relationship, then the relationship can be of benefit. if there is no mutual exchange, then you have to think about reconsidering. either case, you must keep in the back of your mind her nature of abandonment when she gets a boyfriend. you will likely get left by the wayside again should another man come in her life, so be prepared for that.

Originally Posted by kaliope

your answer is in your own post. the girl has already shown and admitted that she is only friends when it is convenient for her. this sounds like a one way friendship. what would you have to gain by being friends with her. is she kind? giving? does she provide you with laughter and good times? as long as you are going to gain as well as receive from the relationship, then the relationship can be of benefit. if there is no mutual exchange, then you have to think about reconsidering. either case, you must keep in the back of your mind her nature of abandonment when she gets a boyfriend. you will likely get left by the wayside again should another man come in her life, so be prepared for that.

Oh yes I totally agree and that's actually the other thing I forgot to mention, I know if she finds someone else, it will happen all over again. She may take me out somewhere and we may eat but she usually talks about herself and her problems, so that's why I'm leaning towards not letting her back in as a friend and only being acquaintances with her, only keeping combos short and superficial.