[tokiwartooth]

My aunt, who helped raise me with my mom, and who really is like a mom to me, is really over-protective. She always has been and always will be. I moved out of the house last November when I was finally making enough money to get my own apartment. Now she and my mom do not get along even though they're sisters and they live together. My aunt is a mean-spirited person who really doesn't like anyone and has almost no friends. So she decides she's going to get her own apartment, even though the house she and mom were in is completely paid for. She decides to move into my apartment complex and gets an apartment two doors down from me!

Now let me put it this way, I am 30, and I live in a complex of college-age people, mostly students, and a few of us who are in our 30s. She will be the oldest person in the entire complex. It really pissed my mom off because she is basically under the impression that she did not move just to get her own place, but to try to control me because she can't let me live my own life. And I agree with mom. I am really upset but I don't want to start anything. Lord knows that we have fought a lot over the years. Being around her is like walking on egg shells. You can't just be yourself and talk about normal stuff without something upsetting her. You can't say something without her trying to one-up you or prove you wrong. My mom can't even come through the front door without her starting in on something. She is just awful to my mom and my mom is about ready to crumble. The things she says are not just mean but really cruel.

I had lived on my own for years while in college, and when I started graduate school in another state, she decided it would be best for me if she came to live with me. I didn't say no, and that was not the best move I could have made. She tries to run my life! I remember one time she decided she didn't like my favorite pair of sandals and without asking me she just threw them in the dumpster. I cut my hair short and when I came home she freaked the hell out and started crying and yelling at me that I had cut my beautiful hair. I was so excited about my new hair cut, but that died when I came home to her. I had to hide a new tattoo that I got for two weeks because I knew she would freak out. Now she is moving two doors down from me. I moved out of the house mainly to start my own life, but also to get away from her! She has a key to my apartment that I had made in case of an emergency when I first moved in. Now she has access to my apartment any time she wants! I am going to see about getting the lock changed.

She is hyper-critical about my weight and my mom is going to pay for me to start NutriSystem, so she comes back that I will ruin it, I have no willpower, I can't finish anything I start. Now she won't come to church because she thinks the pastor doesn't like her. Well, the pastor and I are friends and we have had quite a few meetings together and he knows everything that goes on between my aunt and me and mom. He doesn't like her. So at least that's one place where I can be away from her because I know she won't come there. The only time she comes is for our monthly church supper where she can get free food and make nasty comments about the other parishioners.

Mom and I have a good friend at church, and we are friends with his wife as well, and he has great kids. She hates my friend's kids, calls them horrible names behind their backs, and is just a mean person. I guess I should mention that my mom is the church secretary. So her, myself and the pastor are all close. Our friend is the youth leader there and is a wonderful person. She hates him too. If anyone has read any of my past posts about the man I am in love with, I'll be forthcoming in saying that it's my pastor. And that he shows genuine interest in me as well, but I'm unsure about proceeding further right now, mainly because he just went through a horrible divorce. The things my aunt says about him hurt me because he is a wonderful man and I love him, and she doesn't care.

When I was almost a year old, mom moved us down from NC to Florida and moved in with her. It was supposed to be temporary, but it turned permanent due to finances. Now my aunt helped raise me, and I know she loves me, and I love her too, but she is a control freak of the worst kind. She's also a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for a number of years now. But when I was growing up, she was not sober. And she was even meaner when she was drunk. She wouldn't allow me to lock my bedroom door for privacy because she was so afraid that something would happen to me.

Eventually, when I was 16, I had enough and I said that I will be locking my door when I want to be private and no I do not need your permission to do it. All you have to do is knock! Well, after high school we moved back to NC. For the first year after high school I took a break and worked and lived at home. I was an emotional and mental wreck. I had been depressed for a long time, but it got much worse when I was about 16, and progressively got worse, and I remember on September 11, 2001 after the attacks I had a meltdown. I couldn't even work for like a week afterwards. She called me lazy and said I was pretending so I could get attention. I never tell her when I'm depressed to this day because she tells me to buck up. And yet she's depressed too! She can take her buck up and shove it up her ***.

Now she's moving in two doors down. Why can't I live my own life! Why does she have to hover! I have neighbors next door, two guys, who occasionally like to play loud music or watch football games and have a party. It doesn't bother me. They don't do it late into the night. She has the balls to say that when she moves in next to them, all that will stop. I was like no, it won't. The people in this complex do not have to conform to your standards! She is living with college-aged people, what the hell does she expect! She said she wanted to be closer to me in case something happened to me. Bull****. She wants to run my life! I was so upset that I went to the office to complain about them placing her so close to me, but there was nothing they could do.

She told me she's going to drag me down to the gym and the pool. Um, no? I will go if and when I want to go. Yeah like I can see her going to the pool or gym with all those skinny little girls running around. She will feel totally out of place. She IS out of place. This is so ridiculous. The first time she came into my apartment she said it looked too barren. Then she came in some weeks later and said that it was too busy now. But it hadn't changed since the first time she came in! And what business is it of hers what I put up in my apartment? I don't know what to do without offending her. Everything offends her.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you, but sympathize with your situation. I don't blame you for needing to rant. I would too if I were you. Good luck with your love life. And I would have the locks changed. Family can be our greatest challenge sometimes and sounds like you have the aunt from ****.
Gayle

[Travelinglady]

Good grief! Oh, yeah, see about getting that lock changed pronto.

Now, I assume you aren't financially dependent on this woman. Right?

Easier said than done, but you need to stand up to your full adult height and let her know that you are an adult and you love her.(Well, you might want to say that.) And then continue, "HOWEVER, I am not here in this world to please you, and I do not need you to hover over me and be critical." Or words to that effect.

Gotta set those boundaries, dear one!

I had to get a counselor to be supportive of me when I finally took a stand with my overly-controlling mother. You might consider doing that, also.

Please, do not let this woman ruin your life any longer!

[tokiwartooth]

No I'm not financially dependent on her, but she wants everyone else to think that mom and I both are, and that she pays for everything and we give her nothing in return. It's actually the opposite. She badmouths us to her couple of friends any chance she gets.