Thinking about an old relation

I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 5 years now, I have been in only a handful of relationships. One of which I was married for 8 years.

Thinking back on that marriage some of my friends believe that he abused me me mentally. I don't know if I felt like he did or not then or even today. I do know there where a few times it came close to verbal abuse. I also know that if I had to speak to him no matter how long we haven't spoken it would kill me. I can't find it in my heart to hate him. Nor would I give up what I have now for another chance with him but I'm not sure how I would handle it if it happened.

I would like to just forget about it. I can't forget about him as then I would lose the memories we shared. We had good times and if he wasn't depressed, drinking, or just self-centered he was a great person. I had that side of him once in a while. Most of the time he was depressed.

I'm guessing I was the thing that made him depressed. He also never really loved me because he was to in love with himself. He talked like I had to think about him, which I did when making decisions but it never worked both ways. When he divorced me he wanted to stay friends. I tried that but every time I heard his voice on the phone my heart broke again and deep inside I was crying.

The only thing is I felt like I didn't even matter to him. When I just wanted him to be happy. I hoped that his depression would have worked itself out and he would see what we were before it was over. Now I don't speak with him at all. I tried e-mailing his last e-mail address to see how he was but that was 6 months ago. I can't remember is out of anger if I blocked his e-mail on all mu accounts and facebook or not. Maybe it's better left that way.

Arwen, I think it's natural for us to think back to old relationships from time to time. I certainly do.

There were some good times, and I agree it's nice to not try to erase those from our memories. On the other hand, I think it's good to try not to dwell on the bad things from the past, now that the relationship is over. I personally think it's best not to get back in touch and perhaps get bad things stirred up again.

Also, please don't blame yourself for his depression. It sounds like you tried your best and the way things turned out was caused by him, not you.
Okay?

I agree with Payne1 that it's completely natural to think back to past relationships and probably not best to try to contact him. That can invariably lead to problems in your current relationship.