Wife Hypomania/mania and hypersexuality

Hello everyone. My wife and I have just recently discovered that she is Bipolar. Started medication treatment and started going to therapy.

Things that were discussed by the therapist was hyper sexuality when she had to fill out a test to get a better understanding of her diagnosis. She has always been "promiscuous" in her life. She always had a tendency for one night stands, multiple partners etc. She has said that maybe her number has been over 75 or so. She said she had always felt terrible about it afterwards most of the time.

She did go over a year without "sex" but always had some form of sexual release. Had phone apps used to sext and chat with men to exchange explicit photos. She also had craigslist ads looking for One night stands, exchanged photos etc. but wouldn't follow through, or it "fell through" on their end. So its an ongoing issues up until her and I became Official.

Most, if not all of these partners, sex ads, are directly linked to police officers. She says she is extremely attracted to cops. This is something she searches for and is attracted to, even in instances where otherwise out of uniform these people would seem gross to her. She would still sleep with them mostly because of the uniform. To this day every time a cop car drives by besides us, behind us, across the street, parked, etc. she ALWAYS looks over and there has always been an excuse as to why she needed to look.

She just started a new job working in a sheriffs department working around police officers frequent enough through out the night. It has been troubling for me before being diagnosed with being Bipolar (although I knew there always was a problem) but now knowing that there is a chemical imbalance causing a lot of our problems it makes me afraid as to what might happen in her current situation at work.

I'm feeling as if being around "COPS" in general is causing a trigger for a manic state causing her hyper sexuality. She has flirted around non cops around me saying she just is very friendly. I'm afraid she is unaware of the way she interacts around these people. It might bring some unwanted attention and under the right circumstances (her being attracted and him being attracted) might result in a breach in the relationship.

She always seems to be talking to cops at work, no matter the age etc. getting information for something, I feel as if she goes out of her way just to make conversation. I need to know what to do. I need to know if I am alone on this kind of thing. I'm convinced that this is a trigger for her and could lead to some bad stuff down the road. I'm hoping that there are things that we could do to help make this stuff not happen. Its difficult to have her listen to reason though.

I know this was a lot to read, I feel kind of alone on this and need some help from people. This has been a long bumpy road with a lot of emotional distress.

Thank you so much for reading.

How long has she been on her meds? It can take up to a week or so for them to kick in.

You should see what her therapist has to say about her working around cops. They seem to trigger her hypomania.

In my case, clubs, especially strip clubs always triggered my mania. I have to stay away from them, even though I have been on medication for years. In fact, it is the meds that allow me to stay away from actively seeking out my triggers. Hopefully that will be the case for your wife once she gets stable on the meds.

It sounds like you have been her point of stability. It says something about you that you would stick with her despite some very hurtful behavior. Everyone here will tell you that dealing with BP is worlds easier when you have a rock in the middle of the storm. Hang in there. Getting the diagnosis is the biggest step.

She is on week 2 exactly of her meds. I know it can take up to 4 weeks for her to feel something in her body.

Well the cop thing is tricky. She hasn't gone into depth about how crazy her hyper sexuality has gotten or her fixation with cops. Not sure she wants to discuss that with her therapist. I feel that what I wrote on this forum he needs to read.
I agree it seems like it is a trigger for her, it scares me.

So even though you are medicated you still stay away from those clubs only because they were a trigger for you unmedicated? While medicated they can still cause a trigger regardless of medication correct?

Im trying to be a rock for her. Its just hard. The whole relationship dealing with these fears of her past and present with this whole "cop" thing is a nightmare. It used to be a million excuses and reasons for actions and simi lies about cops but now with the whole bipolar diagnosis it puts my fears into perspective and they are real in my eyes.

I just don't want to feel like i'm thinking this or my fears are unwarranted. Help from people that have been there and done that will help when I can bring this up to her so maybe we could talk this through with her therapist.

she needs to see this to help her understand this fixation with cops and the way she acts around them is unnatural. She swears that she would never cheat on me. Its hard to believe that when there is past and present behavior.

Even medicated she will have times that she is hypo/manic or depressed. The goal is to make the episodes further between and less severe. If you truly fear her working in that environment tell her but it really sound like marriage counseling should be considered.

Yes I think counseling will help. I have talked to her about it. She doesn't believe what im telling her is accurate. She seems apprehensive in accepting this. I may be wrong in all this, I have been right on the money with her thus far so its becoming harder and harder to dismiss my feeling on matters like this now.

My wife was a police dispatcher for many years, if she's working as a dispatcher, she won't have too much opportunity to act out inappropriately. Your wife will probably be locked away in a little room. I may be wrong, but right now I wouldn't stress that aspect too much.

Also, go get yourself a cop uniform from the local adult store, some ibuprofen and hang on!

My women's job in the past was a police dispatcher. She used it to meet the men and set up meetings via the computer chat system. Also the job she works at now does come into contact with cops a couple times a night.

Yes i have thought about that. But it doesnt solve the bipolar mania trigger.

she should not be working around cops if they are a trigger for her, this will only make it impossible for you to trust her. there are a million other jobs out there. She should focus on her healing instead of throwing herself to the wolves.

Well, we need this job and this is what she has a bachelor's degree in. So leaving a good job now that we have one isn't an option.

She seems to kind of sort of admit to have an unnaturally intense attraction to police officers. She doesn't want to discuss this with her therapist, which could help her to understand how to curb and channel behaviors, deal with what might be instigating them, etc... basically so this possible issue of temptation doesn't end up becoming a real one of "the devil made me do it".

For a little background:
I am a female, 31, bipolar 'like whoa', and even when not experiencing hypo/mania have a pretty strong sex drive which is, for me, not even ever tamped down by medication side effects. When my mood elevates, I could, in theory, do all kinds of crazy things and blame it on the bipolar.

Um. But I don't.

You can be her rock. Don't be her door mat.
She needs to take some sort of responsibility OUTSIDE of the mood episodes to have some control while IN them- it is my opinion that if you fail to plan and take precautions and make certain accommodations in your life for the craziness that you can forsee, you aren't suddenly absolved of all responsibility because you were having a mood episode.

I, personally, choose to aim for monogomous long term relationships- with a partner who kind of matches me in those terms. I don't slum around "pick up joints", I rarely go to bars,and certainly not alone. [This is actually one of the reasons I tried the online dating thing- to get to actual physical contact was a great series of steps. ]
I'm big on pornography and other outlets.

Whatever. You are committed to someone or whatever the reason- you take steps to avoid those behaviors, not wallow in what has routinely tempted you in the past.

So really: she can be honest with her therapist and come up with a strategy, she can find another job, or you can both do nothing and let the pieces fall where they may.

...it IS possible that no shenanigans will actually ensue at all, in the context of her job.

I don't mean this to be especially harsh- I think it is easy for loved ones to disregard how difficult bipolar can be to live with. But just as often, I see people cutting those with bipolar too much slack- it's all the BP, there is no personal responsibility.

Like so often is the case, the truth is somewhere in the middle and may be difficult to figure out.

But do keep in mind:
Medication is no panacea. There are multiple facets to recovery and personal maintenance.
It's hard to understand and hard to swallow all at once. I get that.
It is possible there might be some difficult changes in your future if you want to have a stable, secure, happy life together.
And you can have that.

It just may not be the life you had already written in your head.
[See my signature]

Take care.
-Josie

Signature is very true

Thanks for your opinion it is helpful.
This is easily the most difficult thing I have dealt with in my life. There had been tougher situations but we're only temporary. This however is not temporary. I have a hard time living a life without receiving apologies. If i do get them, they are forced and emotionless. I know I've seen elsewhere other SOs going through this exact problem of never taking full responsibility for their actions. Is this the case with you too in your life experience.

I recognize her state of mind and avoid things like the plague, I tiptoe all over the place. After she gets her time alone or calms down or even looks calm I will ask a few questions. 1.) how are you feeling, are you feeling better? 2.) IF she says yes, then I will ask is it OK to talk right now? She will say "yes I feel fine I'm good now, and say yes we can talk, but are you going to ramble and have long drawn out convo"... So now I get attitude. She goes on to tell me that she is starving and I should know that she isn't fine yet... How do I know that your ok? Because you told me you were ok! Tells me to leave her alone very angered and go into the other room. This kind of behavior happens a lot. Even after these swings pass I a lot of times won't have her voluntary come up and apologize without it looking scripted. Or, it goes a day or so and I'll say" are we going to discuss what happened yesterday... To which her reply will be "ugh do we have to bring this up, can't you just let it go and have a good day"
I feel like crying a lot.