[OuttaControl2]

I am doing my damndest to stay level and maintain a "normal" life with my partner, in the last year my meds were changed to something that actually works very well for me and have been in therapy trying to straighten out the poor decisions I have made in the past. My partner and I have even begun couples therapy and are starting to communicate again, but all of a sudden (probably not all of a sudden...I just may be seeing it clearly for the first time) I feel like I am in an emotionally abusive relationship... I have been the bread winner for the entirety of our 5 1/2 year relationship I have had no complaints about paying all the bills and making sacrifices in every way to ensure that we survive, she recently obliterated my trust and even though we are making steps to rebuild I'm still angry and hurt. And now since she got an inheritance due to the recent passing of her father (dealing with that too) she talks to me like I owe her. She bought us a new car and holds it over my head (even though I still have my car and it was good enough for her until recently) and yells about us moving out of my mom's house which I realize we need to do but I'm not about to change our living situation because she can temporarily afford her half of things, she has no job and basically has had no job the whole time we've been together. Money is not important to me, it does not impress me and it certainly does not run my life. That being said I am aware of the cost of living and being finacially responsible for the two of us and I can't do it alone and I shouldn't have to, but I am ready to tell her to take her money and walk the **** on! I'm sick of her drinking and pot smoking (don't get me wrong I'm all for a little relaxation and socially doing either of those things...but I have a zero tolerance policy for emotionally/mentally/finacially abusive alcholics as my step father was one), but to be honest since I've been put on lithium I have taken a good look at my life and I am unhappy with most of it and I feel like I'm processing things correctly for the first time in years I don't know what to do...

[jadzea]

I suggest you sit tight and let couple's therapy work things out. You can address these issues in your sessions and see what happens. In the mean time, do things you like to do to keep yourself happy and relaxed. You need time to learn your new emotional state andunderstand how you are feeling.

[OuttaControl2]

I'm really worried she may turn out to be one of the many "bad decisions" I've made.

[healingme4me]

I can certainly appreciate the resentment you are expressing! Once, addressed, in couples therapy, will timelines be established.

One of the things, now that you are processing your own emotions, more effectively, is to sit down with the needs based check-list, as your couples counselor, may be able to provide, and start long-term planning.

Now, that she has this pile of cash, doesn't sound like she's being financially responsible. Granted, the loss of a parent, presents difficult times, yet, there comes a point, where responsibility supersedes fiscal irresponsibility.

It may be, inheritance, passed down, from her side of the table, yet, setting a budget, is something to consider. Most court systems, may view this as a marital asset, not an individual asset. Not sure, just know that in my own divorce contract, it states, that inheritance, received post-divorce is individual, I presume, it's an implied marital asset, whilst married.

New car, no job, sounds fiscally irresponsible. And though she wants to move out, to your own separate place, if it wasn't part of the marital planning, fiscally speaking, without inheritance, why would it be now? Those sums, don't last forever, usually!

Are you, addressing some of these resentments in individual therapy, to better articulate in joint therapy? And is she also, in individual counseling?

[OuttaControl2]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I can certainly appreciate the resentment you are expressing! Once, addressed, in couples therapy, will timelines be established.

One of the things, now that you are processing your own emotions, more effectively, is to sit down with the needs based check-list, as your couples counselor, may be able to provide, and start long-term planning.

Now, that she has this pile of cash, doesn't sound like she's being financially responsible. Granted, the loss of a parent, presents difficult times, yet, there comes a point, where responsibility supersedes fiscal irresponsibility.

It may be, inheritance, passed down, from her side of the table, yet, setting a budget, is something to consider. Most court systems, may view this as a marital asset, not an individual asset. Not sure, just know that in my own divorce contract, it states, that inheritance, received post-divorce is individual, I presume, it's an implied marital asset, whilst married.

New car, no job, sounds fiscally irresponsible. And though she wants to move out, to your own separate place, if it wasn't part of the marital planning, fiscally speaking, without inheritance, why would it be now? Those sums, don't last forever, usually!

Are you, addressing some of these resentments in individual therapy, to better articulate in joint therapy? And is she also, in individual counseling?

Yes I'm talking with my therapist about this and my partner is also seeing a therapist on her own. And that is the thing, moving out was on the agenda (at least hers, mine too but not right this second) but not until we could afford it and everything that comes with it. And my therapist has already presented me with the task of making "my list" my needs and deal breakers. My only problem is really that as I do this I realize just how bad off this relationship is at the moment... I realize I have changed recently I have chalked it up to new meds and turning 30 but I'm realizing that I'm "growing up" something I should've done years ago, and I never thought in a million years that me making good changes would affect our relationship in a negative way. I just don't have the patience for BS that I used to from anybody, not just her. I don't want to lose her but I can't decipher between usual relationship argueing and when enough is enough and really I don't want to put up with any of it right now!

[jadzea]

It sounds like you are on the right track. Be careful you do not act too quickly due to your frustration and indecision. It doesn't look like you are being abused or in any danger so waiting until you are sure before moving out will not hurt. That way, if you do move on, you will be able to say you gave the relationship every chance and you will know you did the right thing. Hang in there.