[rainbow123456]

I've written before about my bipolar boyfriend but i need help again. He does think he has bipolar and so do i but i wasn't sure if this is connected to it as i don't know too much about it and understand it. There are times when he doesn't answer his phone for over a day when normally hes on his phone most of the time. He just won't reply at all, i don't know if this is linked maybe an episode or something? If he does reply it will just be one quick message, bluntly. Can someone tell me if this is linked? and what can i do to help?

[healingme4me]

Not sure, if this is bipolar specific, doesn't quite seem so. Has your bf, seen a doctor for a diagnosis?

How to help him, meet your needs for answering the phone, less bluntly and after more than a day, not sure. Are you arguing, when this happens? Some people, just take time off, away from the phone. Doesn't mean it has anything to do, with any disorders.

[Perna]

Ask your boyfriend to go to his doctor and get all checked out so what may be wrong with him is known instead of guessed at. One does not have to "believe" one has a problem to have one? If his behavior is inconsistent, then he may want to work on that or he may just be busy those days, etc.; talk to him?

[Wren_]

hi, I do the same thing at times and am not bipolar so while I'm not sure if it is connected with this in your boyfriends case or not; it can happen for other reasons. Have you asked him what is happening for him when this happens? that might be one way to help as well as helping him to find some professional help if you haven't already and both of you suspect he is bipolar

[rainbow123456]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Not sure, if this is bipolar specific, doesn't quite seem so. Has your bf, seen a doctor for a diagnosis?

How to help him, meet your needs for answering the phone, less bluntly and after more than a day, not sure. Are you arguing, when this happens? Some people, just take time off, away from the phone. Doesn't mean it has anything to do, with any disorders.

No he hasn't, but when the times right i'm going to try and talk him into seeing a doctor and no we hardly ever argue, theres times when he does this i'll keep trying to get hold of him and he'll get annoyed but we won't argue

[rainbow123456]

Originally Posted by Perna

Ask your boyfriend to go to his doctor and get all checked out so what may be wrong with him is known instead of guessed at. One does not have to "believe" one has a problem to have one? If his behavior is inconsistent, then he may want to work on that or he may just be busy those days, etc.; talk to him?

Thank you, i will try and get him to see a doctor

[rainbow123456]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

hi, I do the same thing at times and am not bipolar so while I'm not sure if it is connected with this in your boyfriends case or not; it can happen for other reasons. Have you asked him what is happening for him when this happens? that might be one way to help as well as helping him to find some professional help if you haven't already and both of you suspect he is bipolar

Yeah i have but he just says he doesn't know, and then its like end of subject. But i don't know if it is part of the bipolar, if he does have it, or its just him?:/

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by rainbow123456

Yeah i have but he just says he doesn't know, and then its like end of subject.

I see now. It comes across dismissive, when he ends the question with an 'I don't know.' Um? ((me, here in my mind, if I heard this...)) Um? Were you or weren't you busy? Um, are you or aren't you mad? And how don't you know?! I don't know, is not an honest answer! ((not in an anything to hide type of lack of honesty, but an inability to just be honest with himself, to be honest with you, if that makes sense?))

And, if honesty, is important, as the foundation for every relationship, a passive, I don't know, is enough to make anyone scratch their head and wonder, what is going on? Penny for you thoughts, type of what's going on.

Oh, I'm sorry for being blunt, I just finished talking to a less than neighborly neighbor. Or, I'm sorry, I didn't get back to you, I got caught up chatting with so and so, at the store, then....

To me, it's just wanting the courtesy to know what's up, kwim?

[hamster-bamster]

No, it is not a bipolar symptom per se - read the DSM. There are 1001 reasons for why he might sometimes not respond to calls.

Not answering the phone and not responding to any incoming traffic can be a symptom of depression when a person isolates himself from the world (which often instigates a downward spiral, because more isolation leads to more depression), but you would need more than a day of not responding for that to be the case, and, you would need other signs of his isolating himself from the world. An occasional blunt response or an occasional non-responsiveness for a day or two - not enough information to make any pronouncement.

You need to read up on bipolar - it is indeed an episodic illness, as you said, but episodes have a certain duration to them. A day or two of inconsistent behavior would not be enough to say that he is having an "episode", unless the behavior is so egregious that it lands him on a locked unit. Read the DSM - it talks about what qualifies as an "episode", with emphasis on minimal duration. While reading the DSM would not make you a doctor or enable you to diagnose your bf, it would at least provide you with some background knowledge so that you would not look for "signs" where there are none.

On a more practical note - when he does not respond to phone calls, have you tried also emailing him?