[Alishia88]

I´ve been doing some research on "the bad guy" (in a relationship to a woman)
lately. And now, years after dealing with them in my teens,
and with more psych. knowledge, I look differently at them.....

I was wondering if actually this kind of behaviour
(sarcasm, not really showing themselves and their emotions to others, acting neglective or disrespectful on purpose, needing to be dominant in a relationship)
actually not roots in an overblown self-image but actually insecurity
about themselves and even aggression towards themselves...

I do not think that if one feels loving and not shameful about oneself, one feels the need to put others down, make oneself appear superior, never admit a flaw... this kind of behaviour.

This is what I found about sarcasm:

"
though they may not be aware of it, sarcasm is their means of indirectly expressing aggression toward others and insecurity about themselves." Sarcastic people protect themselves by only letting the world see a superficial part of who they are," says Steven Stosny, a Washington, D.C.-based therapist and anger specialist. "They're very into impression management."
"

What do you think? What goes in to making a guy a "bad guy"?

[High Treason]

I find it a bit strange personally that you want to go around labeling certain guys as "bad guys." I find it especially strange that you want to put sarcastic people into this category. While I suppose there are some qualities that almost everyone would consider bad (like a propensity toward murder, for example), a lot of things you would consider bad in a potential mate for yourself might not be bad or may even be considered good by others. For example, I certainly know people who do not consider being sarcastic to be a negative trait at all. Furthermore, everyone has different traits, some of which can be considered more good and others less so (judged differently by the person judging) and the presence of those traits does not make one a "bad guy." Except in the most extreme circumstances, most people's "bad" traits do not make someone a bad person and are just areas where the person my be able to improve themselves or even deal breakers for a specific potential partner but certainly not a "bad guy."

[Alishia88]

hey there, I think there has been a misunderstanding. I´m not into labeling people in good or bad.
I´m talking about a certain type of, mostly young, men and how they relate to women.

I´m not saying these are "bad people". I´m talking about your "typical bad boy"-image-type.
And certainly not all people sarcastic belong into the category.

I´m not sure I could make this clear... I´m not saying the "bad boys" are bad people.
It´s just how people call them when they act and talk a certain way with girls...Actually
a lot of girls, during some phase of their life, like "bad boys" more than "nice guys" I suppose. And this is of course not all that is to them. It´s meant on how they interact with girls.

Maybe this is a girls-question.

It´s really not like I want to put down anyone. I´m just interested what´s behind the bevaviour, that, yes, can be seen as "bad"

hope I could make myself more clear---

[boopei]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

hey there, I think there has been a misunderstanding. I´m not into labeling people in good or bad.
I´m talking about a certain type of, mostly young, men and how they relate to women.

I´m not saying these are "bad people". I´m talking about your "typical bad boy"-image-type.
And certainly not all people sarcastic belong into the category.

I´m not sure I could make this clear... I´m not saying the "bad boys" are bad people.
It´s just how people call them when they act and talk a certain way with girls...Actually
a lot of girls, during some phase of their life, like "bad boys" more than "nice guys" I suppose. And this is of course not all that is to them. It´s meant on how they interact with girls.

Maybe this is a girls-question.

It´s really not like I want to put down anyone. I´m just interested what´s behind the bevaviour, that, yes, can be seen as "bad"

hope I could make myself more clear---

From what I know in my own past personal life, the one "bad boy" I dated wasn't really a bad guy. He was acting, putting on this persona really, because I think that's what he thought women wanted, that he wouldn't be attractive to women if he wasn't the "bad boy".

That's just my own two cents

[avlady]

I am a very sarcastic person myself, a woman, and i find sarcasm to be very funny and fun, is there something wrong with that? I really don't know so give me a heads up on this one, i want to know if there's something about myself that i should change, if im in the wrong.

[/SIZE]though they may not be aware of it, sarcasm is their means of indirectly expressing aggression toward others and insecurity about themselves." Sarcastic people protect themselves by only letting the world see a superficial part of who they are," says Steven Stosny, a Washington, D.C.-based therapist and anger specialist. "They're very into impression management."

could you provide a little more information on the above quote?

Is it based on observation, anecdote, opinion? Some kind of study, personality assessments... other...?

I just have a hard time agreeing with the notion that sarcasm is a means of indirectly expressing aggression. If anything, it's my personally way of diffusing situations, and easing tension. I realize it is not the same for everyone, but that's the point- not everyone has the same motivation. So i wonder where this person's statement is coming from and what it is based on.

Thanks.

Originally Posted by avlady

I am a very sarcastic person myself, a woman, and i find sarcasm to be very funny and fun, is there something wrong with that? I really don't know so give me a heads up on this one, i want to know if there's something about myself that i should change, if im in the wrong.

Why would you change something you are happy with if it has not thus far caused major problems in your life?

[IndieVisible]

Ok here goes. I fond it equally interesting that some girls are attracted to bad boys. I am a bad boy! A really a-hole, ****, SOB, offensive bastard! I don't always intend to be, it just works out that way naturally for me and even at 57 after I have mellowed out a bit, I'm still a bad boy and find girls as young as 24 are attracted to me.

I have heard that the saying opposites attract is a myth and not true. I don't believe that. I believe it is true a significant amount of time. Certainly not always. I can tell you I am most attracted to good girls! Submissive girls, girls I can easily manipulate and control. These types of girls I find are more then eager to be used and manipulated for one reason or another. I am not suggesting this is the case with you however this certainly is the case a significant number of times. I don't really think any one can use a broad brush here as there certainly most be a lot of factors at play but felt I should give you a different perspective.

[Alishia88]

Originally Posted by avlady

I am a very sarcastic person myself, a woman, and i find sarcasm to be very funny and fun, is there something wrong with that? I really don't know so give me a heads up on this one, i want to know if there's something about myself that i should change, if im in the wrong.

No, there´s nothing wrong with it, unless you´re hurting others with it, I´d say

[Koko2]

Sarcasm is overrated in our society, and these guys see it portrayed as a positive so they adopt it into their persona. Sarcasm has it's place, but it can be overused or over-relied upon. Mixed in with a need for dominancy and such, it's a cocktail of bad.