[ElGanso]

Hi all

I'm posting to seek advice about the possible end of my relationship with my girlfriend of one year. Thanks in advance for any help!

My girlfriend and I have had the "perfect relationship" for the first 8 months or so but recently she's admitted she's begun to be less sexually attracted to me. She still loves me and we are the best of friends, have a wonderful time together, even when we meet up now. We have lots of similar interests, a similar sense of humour, spend lots of time together, go on fun dates and have all of the same ideals and priorities in life. After 2-3 months together we both said how we'd never had a relationship that was so positive and "perfect" and we were just having the best time of our lives.

Initially we put the problems down to her being super stressed as she has just started her first "proper job". We then thought it may be that the relationship we have is something she desires a little later in life, rather than now and as a result she's subconsciously rejecting it. She had originally suggested we could move in together this summer but three months later began to have big doubts about that, possibly as it was always too early to move in together? We also considered that she may have committment problems as she always tends to be the one who breaks up with boyfriends and she had no logical reason to want to end this relationship, as everything seemed so perfect!

I gave her some time and space to think about things and during that time she came to the conclusion she has grown to see me more like a really close friend than anything more than that. We've been very open and honest about things but she has still not been able to break up with me after meeting a couple of times where I was anticipating. She says this is partly due to not wanting to hurt me, partly not to hurt herself and partly as she has a big fear she will regret it. All my friends and family including mutual friends feel it's a huge shame as we are so great together.

Is there anything we can do to work it out? Can the lust in a relationship return? Is it best to just break up and then she'll realise whether it's the right thing or not? I feel like it's too great a thing to throw away and want to give the relationship every chance I always thought meeting the girl of your dreams and her being your "best friend" was a bit of an exaggeration but this relationship has shown it certainly can be true.

Thanks for reading, any advice much appreciated!

[Hong Kong Fluey]

I hate to sound massively negative but she sounds like she's got BPD! That sounds classic BPD

Op, I don't know how old you are. But in 25 years of dating and love, what you explain happens frequently.

Just like they are seasons of a year, they are seasons of love. Meaning that someone may come into your life for s time, and it faded out. You or her may have been in need of something that the other provided.

It hurts bad. I know I've lived it. But always in my life I've learned that friends are more important than lovers. Lovers come and go, but true friends are hard to find.

That being said, tell her how you feel.

I wish you best. I really do.

Sent from my C5170 using Tapatalk 2

[antimonos]

Just read the post that suggested that your girlfriend is BPD. I think its pretty dangerous to start diagnosing people just through a short post and quite unfair. BPD seems to be used quite frequently as a derogatory term. I do agree with jeffro1972's post however and I think you just need to be open with your girlfriend. It does sound that she is not in love with you anymore.

[Trippin2.0]

When people are so similar I imagine its much easier for the passion to fizzle out quickly and eventually view eachother as siblings...

Differences keep the fire going I say. I don't mean you should have nothing in common but it really seems like there's no challenge in this relationship whatsoever. You said it yourself, it's perfect. Well it was until the passion died.

Doesn't seem like you disagree about much if anything pertinent, so when did you 2 have the opportunity to learn how to argue passionately (and fairly), have epic make up sexathons and then find a compromise???

I'm not saying arguing is fun, but its fundamental for growth in relationships.

There's a reason why opposites attract, and I've never seen it more clearly than in reading your post.

If you 2 decide to stay together, please remember that just because you like all the same things that they shouldn't all have to be done as a couple.

People even or rather especially couples, should have individual interests / activities. Smothering eachother also kills that flame pretty quickly... Fires need oxygen afterall

Also falling out of love is inevetible. Nobody's honeymoon phase lasts forever. I have fallen in and out of love with my bf time and time again over the years. Thats just part and parcel of a longterm relationship / marriage. Don't let it discourage you.

As long as the love is there, falling inlove can be achieved multiple times. I personally think its the stupidest thing ever when people break up / divorce because they fell out of love, its a problem with a very simple solution. But I guess most people believe that the "inlove" feeling is a permanent fixture and testament to the quality of their relationship, when infact its love at its core that is fundamental for a relationship to work. Not the butterflies and racing hearts. Although it certainly is worth the effort to keep both hearts afluttering

Try changing things up a little, romance her again, but not in the obviously predictable (and possibly boring) way she would expect and see from a mile a way (because you 2 are so alike) surprize her do something out of character...

Lastly; If she needs space, give it to her, maybe missing you is just what she needs to make her want to jump your bones.