LOOKING FOR AN OPINION

Here is my situation , My wife and I have been seperated for approx 3 weeks now . She asked me to leave and just wants to be friends. I left the home but I have spoken with her almost everyday and have seen her approx 3 times in the last 3 weeks . Every time I see her my heart pounds with emotions for her . The question is should I give her space so she can sort out what she wants to do or should I keep pressing on ... This Really has me Dazed and Confused because we have a 16 year relationship with each other and I'm not ready to give it up so easily

All the opinions will be welcomed

will she consider marriage counseling ?

not at this time ::

She says she needs to get on with her life right now and I need to find myself again .. She claims that I took her identity away from her because i was too controlling. I see that what she considered to be controlling was me attempting to motivate her to do the things she wanted to do.. I pushed her to hard to be the person she wanted to be when she just didn't want to be anything -- still confused

Its like a bird hold to tight it dies. let it go if it comes back it was meant to be. Good luck

I would say to give HER the SPACE she NEEDS right now and while you are apart think about why you two separated in the first place.... work on changing whatever it was that cause the love to fall to such a level.

Good Luck....

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

That is what I was thinking -- I enrolled into a anger management class for the next 12 weeks to get a better understanding why that i was lashing out towards her.. I was finding that I was not too happy with myself and would rather focus on her issues instead of mine ..

Yes..... it is always easier for one to see the faults in another person before they see their own.

BTW - I am PROUD of YOU to hear that you have taken the first step in making yourself a better person...... way to go.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

good for you taking on your own issues. i never get down to brass tacks until the bottom falls out , either...... the first step in getting "better" is recognizing the problem. the second step is getting help.

sounds lke you two each have an accumulated pile of personal stuff to sort through on your owns. good luck. it's hard but very worthwhile work.

Sounds to me like she has more problems than you do; no one can take away someone else's identity. My husband's ex-wife got all upset at him because he didn't make her happy! Not his job.

I would not call or see her, would get myself a counselor and sort out my own issues (both with her asking you to leave and what your "job" is to yourself). I don't know that you have bad anger issues; unless they're constant or inappropriate, feeling and expressing anger isn't any better or worse than feeling and expressing any other emotion. It's okay to be angry with her for disappointing you, not holding up her "end" of the relationship, not "being" herself and trying to blame you for that. Everyone has to stand on their own two feet, no one gets carried! She can't just be "nothing" and have you carry the whole marriage and relationship load.

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Perna said:
Sounds to me like she has more problems than you do; no one can take away someone else's identity.

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True..... while no one can actually take ones identity away from them..... the identity can get side tracked or will often become lost in the hopes, dreams and pressure of another, that which is placed upon a person to have the other persons dream come true.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

she told me yesterday that she thinks i deserve to be happy and wants me to be happy .. That she is proud that I'm taking the necessary steps to better myself .. It is hard to watch someone you love so much become a " stump" a lifeless tree without growth

I've never been in a relationship, a case like yours just seals it for me.

I think you should give Her the space she's wanting. I'm sure it is difficult, esp it seems on your part, but no sense in trying to force the issue.

Just my two cents
Fred

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TYMBERWOLV said:
she told me yesterday that she thinks i deserve to be happy and wants me to be happy .. That she is proud that I'm taking the necessary steps to better myself .. It is hard to watch someone you love so much become a " stump" a lifeless tree without growth

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for Perna....i was in a 16 year marriage and left it without any self-esteem or self-worth. from my life experience, considerable, let me assure you that anyone can do anything to another person, if they are manipulative and controlling enough......sounds to me as if someone has a lot of anger toward the husband's ex wife.....

for Timblwlv....you're in anger management. obviously, you knew that you needed to be there. pushing someone else to "make them better" is the easiest way in the world to keep from tending to your own problems. there was a payoff for you in the controlling and if you can see that and eliminate that from your issues, you'll be so much better off. part of the issue might be calling her a "lifeless stump" without growth. if it were me, i'd want you to be happy too.....away from me.......

working on your problems is the easiest way for others around you to "improve"....we tend to see things in a different light when we concentrate on our issues and stay out of theirs. and we are seen in a different light by others when we do that.......good luck.

Thank you for all of the input and yes I see that I have to make chanages for myself and not anyone else. I also recognize that I cannot change anyones behaviors or patterns. I appreciate all the support that you gusy have given me thru the trial and thanks again

It is very difficult to let go when you love someone. But I agree with the others, get help for yourself. If your wife decides she would like the relationship, I would insist on counceling before going back into the relationship again

Tymber, I think is can be pretty hard going thru everything you are going almost by yourself, but also I think and I can see that you are a pretty strong person, which at the end is going to make you stronger.
Give her space, if that is what she wants, and just get better for you and your daughter.

ok so wife and I go out for a dinner and hockey game on saturday -- everything was good like old times then when she goes to drop me off at my place she tells me she doesn't want it to be akward hugs me and then leaves -- I haven't heard from her since 10 pm on saturday night ..

Am I looking into to this too hard ???

Or did i miss the sign ???

Confused

Sounds like she is still needing some space..... remember YOU agreed to give her time, one date is not going to solve it.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I know mummbles under breath

if she's like me, she can smell "controlling" a mile away..........work on yourself and quit trying to control her.

take Rhapsody's advice also.......

i sense a very unhappy young man here. does it upset you horribly if things around you aren't just as you want them?

we all star in our own movie...BUT we don't get to direct, produce and edit anyone else's (unless our name is perhaps Reiner, Howard, Scorcese, etc........)