[henrydavidtherobot]

I've recently been diagnosed with cyclothymia. I suspected a bp or bpd diagnosis for a while and its refreshing to finally have a diagnosis and be on the path for better treatment. I really can't go on with how unstable my life is.

Overall, I'm doing pretty well on altering my lifestyle and getting more control, but I still have a long way to go. My medicine won't even kick in for about a month. I've been drinking much less and have been able to sleep more. I'm developing healthy friendships and kicking the toxic people out. I'm really proud of myself.

However, I feel like my moods are ropes that pull me along and I just have to find whatever coping mechanism is immediately available to me just to get by. This makes it hard for me to build the life I want.

The man who I was developing a relationship really hurt me by getting into a relationship behind my back when he was away for 3 months. When he came back, he apologized completely, was accountable for his mistakes, and told me that I'm important to him. His dad recently died, so I figure that I don't need to cut him out of my life because I can forgive evasion from responsibilities in the light of a traumatic event as long as he's being accountable for it now.

He doesn't know what he wants and is up and down with me. Its exhausting. Fortunately, we get each other pretty well and can always have a proactive conversation to move forward the next day. I have no idea where this is going, but the prospect of us not being together in the future is heartbreaking. No one else here gets me and he has just about everything I want from a person. I'm attracted to no one else here. I feel like this weekend I was trying to rush things a bit and I know I shouldn't do that but I want us to work so badly and can't let go. If we can't be together in the future, I'll be so disappointed that I don't want a friendship. He's friends with all of my friends, so if I tried to avoid him, I'd lose half of my social life.

As a coping mechanism, I've been sleeping with some one else. I'm not attracted to them and want to stop but I keep doing it over and over again. I seriously can't knock it off. Last night, I was upset because my boy didn't seem to care if I was around or not, but I knew that if I went home, I would just cry all night, so I went to the other guy's house. I always drink so much with him and I hate that. I wish that I could control my moods so I wasn't so dependent on poor life choices just to get by. I feel like a joke of a person.

How do I identify what I should be working for and how do I cope with this loneliness and stress in a proactive way. I want more control in my life. Advice?

[Travelinglady]

Yep, not the best way of handling your distress over possibly losing a relationship.....If your boyfriend finds out, then it might be curtains anyway.

Can you afford to see a therapist? If need be, then see about a clinic, where they are paid on the basis of what people can afford--a sliding scale, in other words. I honestly think it would be good if you had someone to share your concerns with IRL and to find out what's happening with your difficulties with letting go.

Is there anyway you could actually tell your guy you don't want to be exclusive at this point (you aren't anyway) and try to meet guys you can actually have dates with and not just a physical relationship?

[henrydavidtherobot]

He's not my boyfriend. I did tell him that I've been sleeping with someone.

I've been seeing a T on a weekly basis for going on two years now. I had a P evaluation last week.

Can you rephrase the last part? Sorry, I'm confused. Let's refer to the guy I want as M and the other as J. There is literally no one else here that I am attracted to. I'm pretty established in my life and am about to graduate and never meet anyone new who piques my interest.

[Travelinglady]

I am a bit confused myself at this point! You titled your thread "need help letting go and getting into healthier relationships," yet you say you just are into these two guys and seem really opposed to looking for other possibilities. There are dating sites if there are few other choices around where you are.

I suggest you talk to your therapist about this matter. I tried anyway. Sorry, henrydavid, that I couldn't be more helpful. Maybe I just didn't understand what you were asking.

Help, other folks! Can you make some suggestions to HenryDavid?

[henrydavidtherobot]

I'm on a dating site. I've yet to find anyone worth meeting. M and I were on the path to getting into a relationship, but it doesn't look like its going that way anymore sorry if I was confusing. I'm not interested in J, so I don't know why I am spending time with him.