[Rodya66]

Well, since a was around 8 or 9 years old or so, I have not felt any special feelings of love or desire to spend time with either of my parents, I am eighteen now. A reason could be that they were always strict with me, never really let me go out with my friends much and didn't help me with my education in any way; apart from coercing me to go into a single sex school which had a terrible pass rate and quality of teaching, but all this was overlooked because of their orthodoxy and conservatism.
Now I am at the stage to apply to university; at A Level I am doing: English literature, Philosophy, Biology and Chemistry, I have no interest in biology and chemistry but was forced to do them by my parents as they insisted on wanting be to gain some science degree and go back to Russia. I gained AAAA and I dropped biology. (I am not sure how familiar people are with the English education system, but after completing secondary school you do two years of a levels to go into university). I regret greatly doing biology and chemistry, and when i see the lessons I wanted to do like history and classics, I feel this sort of heartache. I could apply to pharmacy or so, but I have absolutely no desire or interest to do so and for once I did what I enjoyed and felt passionate about, and applied to English and Philosophy, now my parents look down upon me at shame and keep telling that you should stop going to that grammar sixth form what's the point if all you end up with is English and some stupid Philosophy, and they keep saying that it's an embarrassment and don't want to talk about my education, this makes me just feel so angry and sad.
Although we have no financial issues, they have a problem with buying me the books I want, I have such a desire for literature, that once I found a wallet and took all the money and bought a nice edition of all of Fyodor Dostoevsky's novels and Albert Camus'; I am really ashamed but maybe it was just me trying to rebel and not conform to what they want. It's really frustrating that they don't understand my interest in the things that I like and enjoy, and always consider it to be wasting my time. They would have no problem with signing me up to some science tutoring or buying a **** load of chemistry and biology books but when it came to what I actually want they were evil.
They always employ favouritism and communicate and treat me so differently than my younger brother and sister. The only person in my family I feel love for, is my uncles wife whom I love so much and we are so close that I have always referred to her as my sister and she's the only person I actually consider to be my family.
But yet I still feel kind of guilty about this, and feel like I lack human emotions and principles because of this; and I'd like to know what someone else thinks. I find it kind of hard to communicate this, sorry if it's rather indiscernible at times. Thanks.

[unaluna]

You communicate perfectly well. My parents forced me the same way. They said, only the BEST succeed in the arts. They didn't know that I was among the best, I graduated at the top 1percent of my large high school. My mother later said that if something was important to me, I would have found a way to do it, in spite of her. So I would give you the same advice now. Do what is important to you. Find where your real talents and inspiration are.