Why do people tell me that I have to be optimistic?

I've resigned myself to the fact that I will not have a relationship in the city I live in. I won't have a "fling" or anything romantically satisfying at all. My last "hope" has turned out to be a total bust. I know what I'm into and I've seen everyone here that I'm attracted to and it hasn't worked. No one will transfer in. I'm busy and established in what I do; I won't meet anyone. That is the reality. I am a realist.

Yes, I wish that things worked out differently with my last fling. Yes, I get lonely sometimes. Yes, Sometimes I see other couples and wonder why its so much harder for me. Yes, my self esteem sometimes takes a toll because of this.

But overall, I'm pretty happy. I like my alone time. My life is good. I'm exhausted and busy, but I graduate in Dec and will start looking for a job overseas. Yes, I wish that I had a guy around that I liked, but not having one around isn't miserable.

I communicate these things to people and they always say, "But you have to be optimistic." Why? That's dumb. Why set yourself up for failure? Why overlook the probability and logic with certain situations? Why do people insist on optimism? It's pointless. Plus, it makes me feel like people don't want to have a real conversation about how I'm feeling. It's the same as people saying, "there's more fish in the sea." It's a trite and blanket statement. It makes me feel that they just want me to shut up. I don't like having my self and my life simplified and generalized.

Why do people do this stuff? It's SO annoying.

Who cares WHY they do it?

I've been single over 10 years, love it, and wouldn't have it any other way. After a long marriage and raising my kids, I enjoy my freedom.

Sounds like you are young. Develop yourself, nurture yourself, and you'll be fine. Looks like you've decided a path for yourself and it sounds exciting!

That's how I feel. Yeah, having someone around to emotionally support me and do couplely things with would be fun, but being single doesn't bother me. Though naturally, when I lose someone I will feel sad about it for a while. I'm human after all.

I guess it bothers me because it makes me feel alone. I'd feel less alone if people didn't try and make me feel like finding someone was the solution (to a problem I don't have) or that life is a Disney movie.

People say it because they either think you feel bad about about your life situation and they are trying to give you hope or because they would not be happy in your situation and assume you are not happy either.

You are in an ideal position. You can do what you want when you want and be with the people you want to be with when you feel like it. You can easily be alone any tiime you want without offending anyone. It is true, you may never meet anyone. Maybe you will. Who cares as long as you are happy?

Meeting someone would be optimal, but it's not the only way to be happy.

I hope I got this correct. People are saying optimistic things, but being an optimist will set a person up for disappointments because the most optimistic outcome does not occur.

I would say that being a pessimist, a person is thinking the worst, but it never happens.

I wonder if those thoughts would be helpful for your situation?

It does put you in an advantageous perspective compared to the aforementioned options.

Here's what I'm saying:

Why do people push optimism in situations that clearly won't yield a favorable result?

Why do people insist that I be an optimist?

Isn't it smarter to be a realist?

Why do people never seem to look at things from realistic angles?

This all honestly makes no sense to me.

OR; you could just live the pessimist(or realist) creed. It might suit you to try it out.

"If you have no expectations, you will never be disappointed". -i forgot

Does that sound more like what you want to hear?

Being a pessimist and a realist aren't the same. I'm looking at the situation as it is instead of pretending that it is what it isn't.

Would it be healthier to pretend that the perfect man for me who is really attractive and into me will just transfer in the middle of the fall semester of his senior year? Or maybe he just never left his house before and will suddenly be in attendance at all of the events that I frequent. Is that healthier?

No, a pessimist and realist aren't the same things.

Maybe it's healthier to just be happy with what you have now/are doing now (it seems as if you are?) and ignore the rest. People will say they want you to be happy, and they'll think it's the same things that make THEM happy that will make YOU happy. Not true. Listen to yourself, follow what you know makes you happy. If you find someone along the way, good. If you don't, good. Somehow, to me, all those maybes and what ifs are sorta driving me nuts!

geekgirl, I agree. Besides, I'm 23. I've hardly reached spinsterhood yet haha. I guess I was just confused because I'm young in a college town. Why do I have to be hopeful about finding someone here if it's not realistic or important? Maybe I'm just dealing with the societal standard that being a woman and single is unacceptable lol