Heartbreak

It's been a few weeks since my ex boyfriend broke up with me and I'm still feeling devastated. We were doing great. Everything was so wonderful. I was having the time of my life with him, and I gave him everything. I invested everything I had with him. My heart, my soul, my time... my body. There are things he has I can never get back. Until the rest of my life went downhill. Bullying got horrible, my home life sucked, school became so stressful... I ended up hanging myself and almost died. I was in the hospital for about a week. When I was in there, we talked on the phone every night... I really thought things were going to get better, I really thought we could work through what happened and he would support me. But the day after I got out, I went to his house, and he dumped me.

That day he told me he valued my best friend more than me. They had never even met in real life before, and he seemed so inconvenienced that they had to cancel plans so he could see me. They were planning to meet without telling me that day, until I came home unexpectedly.

When I got to his house, he told me we needed to talk. I had not even been home for 24 hours yet. He told me we had to break up because of what I did, and things could have been totally fine if I didn't do it. I begged him if we could please try to work things out, but he was unrelenting. He was completely set on breaking up with me, and in turn shattering all our promises of forever and always. And even then, he said he wasn't going to stop talking to me and would keep supporting me even though we were broken up. He kept saying he was doing it because he loved me.

Well now, ever since it happens, he began ignoring me. Every time I messaged him or tried to talk to him, he wouldn't respond, and if he did, it was sarcastic and insulting. Yet he and my best friend talk on a daily basis. They call and text each other all the time, and they even met up.

My other best friend who goes to the school where I went to when I met him in the first place, texted me the day after he broke up with me (two days after I got out of the hospital) and told me we couldn't be friends anymore because of what happened. Paraphrasing, she told me that "other people have it way worse off than you (gives examples) and they're doing perfectly fine, so get over yourself."

All my other friends from that school, who are all mutual with my ex boyfriend, have stopped talking to me as well and I've gotten angry messages from a few of them.

I feel like absolute crap. I'm going through so much, and he's abandoned me when he said he never would. He said he'd be here through my darkest night and brightest day and wouldn't leave my side for a second, but look at what he's done.

The screwed up thing is, he said if I could get myself together on my own, then we could get back together. He said this the day he broke up with me. Translation: "come back to me when you're done being miserable."

I want to pry him and his infestation of memories and pain out of my head and stomp on them and walk away, leaving them behind and never looking back. I need him now more than ever, and he stranded me. I've been seeing tons of doctors and having all sorts of tests, and it might be cancer that's more likely in a more advanced stage, or some other dangerous disease. And where is he???

He doesn't DESERVE to be taken back, he screwed over love's name and broke my heart. And I've made it verbalized that I think he's making up excuses to have broken up with me, because I've done everything in my power to reason with him, and he still is unrelenting. Maybe it's another girl (more than likely one of the two best friends), or maybe he's lied about all the things he sees in me.

I WANT TO MOVE ON!!!! But I keep having dreams about him, and thinking about him, and having so much remind me of him. Help.

I am so sorry you're having a terrible time of it lately. Sometimes all the bad stuff happens all at once and doesn't seem to give us a chance to get our legs back under us.

It sounds like your ex and your friends are not able to cope or help support you with what you've been going through. It could be because they are scared of what you've been going through and a lack of understanding, but whatever the reason is, they have behaved badly towards you as a result and that's a bummer.

In a way, it seems like you're grieving. Not only are you trying to cope with the other traumatic events in your life, but all this got added to the heap. It sounds like this guy isn't mature enough to handle a real relationship. Relationships are all fine and dandy when everyone is happy and doing well, but if he can't hack it when the going gets tough then he wasn't ready for a mature relationship.

It's going to take time to get over him and move on and that's okay. Chalk it up as a learning experience and hopefully in a few years the only thing you'll say when you're reminded of him is, "What was I thinking?" I hope everything improves for you soon.

Hi

We all know heartbreak is a very personal thing and it hurts more than you can ever convey to any one else. Even to people who have suffered it and understand the pain.
For what it's worth, I too am suffering a broken heart at the moment and I decided to write down how I feel as a cathartic exercise and to some degree it really helped me.

I turned it into a website, not for anyone else to read primarily, but for me to hopefully re-visit it in a years time and read it as if someone else had lived that pain and i am free of it.
I would strongly sugesst that you do something similar to get the apin out of your system. Believe me, it does help to make sense of some of the things you are feeling right now..