[woodstockbri]

We end up getting into huge fights over the stupidest subjects. We'll have a normal conversation about a certain subject and if we differ in opinion, he will come back with so many counterpoints that I finally feel like he's trying to get me to agree with him. At that point it feels like he is arguing with me. Last night we were talking about our opinions on NASA. One of us was pro the other was not. We both explained with valid points why we thought the way we did. With a couple of counter points involved. The conversation sort of ended and we continued watching football. Nearly ten minutes later when I'd almost forgotten about the conversation, he continued with ANOTHER reason why he feels the way he does. At that point it's like he can't let it go and needs to persuade me as to why what he thinks is right. And when I call him out on having to have the last word and be right, he says he's not arguing! The exact definition of Argue is "give reasons or cite evidence in support of an idea, action, or theory, typically with the aim of persuading others to share one's view." How can I make him realize that he makes one too many points?

my husband is the same way sometimes. don't accuse him of arguing. call it "debating" instead. my husband "debates" everything, even if he agrees with me. we actually had this discussion about a year ago, when he finally explained to me that he likes to play devil's advocate just so that i can get the other side of the story. although i do like to get both sides, sometimes i just don't care and don't want to hear his advocating something i don't agree with.

i know it's probably not entirely the same, but talking it over calmly helps a lot. just let him know he makes too many points and that these debates get too heated over silly stuff that doesn't matter. and if he says something like "but i like to debate things" (like my husband does) just tell him you're not in the mood and maybe he can go debate with someone else about it, haha.

i don't know if this helps, but i hope it does.

[H3rmit]

I like to go with "Did you say something?" and a blank look when my husband does something like that that I don't want to hear, but he has a sense of humour about it rather than getting upset, even if I have to say it 3 times because he really thinks I didn't hear.

[healingme4me]

Another phrase, to try and end the circular argument, debate; "Let's agree to disagree. Conversation is over. I have nothing more to add to this."

[hannabee]

maybe you could think of it as "creative thinking" rather than arguing. and appreciate his intelligence in putting further thought and effort into the thing you are discussing. He could just NOT care.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Andysmom

I know you didn't mean to say that women weren't intelligent. Because that would be a pretty unintelligent thing to believe or post.

Sounded like he stated women 'SHOULD' subject their beliefs to continual scrutiny.

Wow, who wants to be subjected to continuous scrutiny?

Subjugated; dominated?! Sounds like a different forum, altogether, does it not?

[Perna]

A friend and I are both that way so we end up in "real" arguments

I don't think your husband understands your feelings and so probably does not want to or see any reason to change his own behavior. He probably has a desire/need to say what he does, to try and get you to feel as he feels, just as you have a desire/need for him to stop.

Instead of telling him what he is doing "wrong" I would tell him how it affects you. "Dear, when you continue with points after I no longer want to play, I feel badgered by you." Something like that. Then, just remind him the next time he does it with a, "I no longer want to play."

[wisedude]

Ok. I just quickly read the OP's post. I am in a rush.

It sounds like your partner is threatened or feels threatened by your intellect / opinions, as though its a matter of pride. It almost sounds like he takes it too far, out of an almost desire to be competitive.

All I can suggest is that you, calmly and not critically, express your feelings and try to work things out. That's all.