[AlittleBITofCrazy]

So, my life has been just dandy the past few months. I have a new life, a new love. He is fantastic, treats me really well. He has a child from a previous relationship. That ex be crazy though, which is why the little one is with him. I love kids, and I have really wanted one of my own. I have no social life and I never go out, so I don't feel burdened by having to look after and care for a child. He is a great kid, despite the horrible start to life he had. BF and I spend time together with the little one, so there is no jealousy over time spent.

I have two problems with this situation though.
Firstly, can you ever love a step child as if he were your own? BF calls him my child, he calls me mama. I do love him very much, but I am afraid that when I have a child of my own I will feel different, and I don't want to hurt the poor guy.

The second problem is I don't know how I feel about the fact the real mother (she doesn't deserve the title) will always be there in the back of my mind, even though it is rare she visits, and when she does, she stays for an hour. I have only met her once, and we never spoke, or looked at each other. When I think too much about it, I get a physical reaction to the emotion I am feeling. I have no idea what the emotion is. I rarely can tell what some emotions I feel are, I can just explain the physical aspects of it. I usually panic and try stop thinking about it. I am a jealous and insecure person, so maybe it is that?

[Yoda]

I can answer your first Q: can you love a step child as your own. Yes, you can. My stepfather married my mom when I was five years old and I always felt he loved me. In fact I felt more loved by my stepfather than I did by my selfish bio-father.

[healingme4me]

My late stepdad, treated and cared for me, as though I was his own. I've known of many stepparents, and even after having children of their own, feel love towards the stepchildren. You are already in a situation of being with your stepchild full time.

Sure, there are stories out there, about how some stepparents favor their own children(I have a stepmom, that fits that bill), but I truly believe, from what you've expressed, and the fact you are pondering this, you will be the type of person to love both unconditionally.

I wonder, if the panic, you feel, is because here's this very limited relationship, between the biological mother, and perhaps a twinge of fear that your stepchild would reject you for her? Not sure, just going out on a limb.