[dystopia]

I've recently lost a best friend of 5 years to some erratic and irresponsible behavior on her part that caused me a lot of time and energy. I've been struggling with work due to poor sleep from music and TV coming through my walls all night which has been difficult to identify and deal with including with the apartment managers and security. I've been trying different sleep pills and earplugs (just isolates the noise) and the only thing that's been truly effective is something that's legal in Colorado and California but not here.

This friend has been one of two I've been interacting with (I left the social scene after a drug overdose and some major problems with friends and alcohol abuse), including another that I see periodically but I tend to stay away from groups because there always tends to be some drama that ensues and I end up losing something such as a lot of money, personal items to theft, friends getting hurt or killed, a damaged car, etc etc etc and I just cannot handle anything else right now except working a consistent job and paying down debt. I thought I was doing OK but there has been some strange behavior at work that I can't understand that has been dragging me down and this best friend helped me deal with it but she is gone now.

I'm not interested in religion no matter how nice the people are. It's great having some better camaraderie but not having it based on religious beliefs or practice.

I thought I was doing OK but with her gone it is very difficult dealing with the work and life situation. I am basically in financial limbo just having to save and pay down debt; that alone I can deal with but the work stress is almost too much.

I am fine working at my desk and having occasional social interaction and I generally need to focus but there is one person there who needs a lot of attention and acts negatively when it's not enough or apparently what she wants. She is very emotive and has said negative things about me, some of which struck me as strange and out-of-place, based on assumptions she made, which has affected the way one of the new staff who doesn't know me well treats me. This new person said she heard good and bad things about me and was nice to me the first day but after that has kind of given me the cold shoulder unlike the person she replaced (who was really nice even when she knew I was having a bad day!).

I have gotten along with everyone else really well, and I think this emotive person did not like how well I got along with another staff member whom she did not like and became negative towards me (that person left as well). The one person between me and this emotive person is really nice but also very apathetic so I have a hard time socially interacting with him. The rest of the people there are very nice (even though I've upset some of them!) but I don't work with them often.

I really don't want to get back into a social life at the moment but I don't want to offend anyone and I feel like there is just too much reaction to that kind of thing with a few of them and I don't want this to affect our work relationship or be "that guy" when they do social things at work. I've seen them spend hours just talking social stuff while I was threatened with my job if I did that (I even complained about it and was told to stop complaining), and I am just trying to surf the line of keeping things easy while not offending anyone.

One night I took a sleeping pill on a recommendation (doxylamine succinate 25mg) and felt like killing myself the next day; it was raining and I just couldn't take the work conflict, and the previous time I just felt groggy and lethargic. I can't take this pill anymore, but I've never had a reaction like that.

I've been OK not having much of a social life because I enjoy my little projects with electronics and music... that at least is going somewhere, but with this constant irritant at work of someone needing attention and reacting negatively when she doesn't get it and changing other people's behavior towards me is too much. I don't need someone expecting me to behave a certain way and have a certain life (she had a friend there who was very entertaining but spent time I can't and I have no energy or desire to; he left too). If I could just work in a closed office and see them occasionally things would be perfect. Nobody would take it personal and I wouldn't have to worry about getting involved in social stuff I can't really deal with right now.

How do I deal with this? While she knows I've had some issues with the distractions (I've never vocalized it, just haven't reacted to the voice-to-all complaining or random non-work-related questions she throws out there) I feel like I'm being ostracized for not jumping into every little social talk they have. I feel like they're not mature enough (except for the go-between guy, who's really easy to get along with) to not judge... the new girl just hasn't been welcoming or smiles since that first day even though I'm nice and smile and everything, and I have no idea what the other girl told her. I'm feeling thrown under the bus and like I'm being dragged into a drama again I've been trying to avoid;

can somebody help me please??

[curley]

Originally Posted by dystopia

I've recently lost a best friend of 5 years to some erratic and irresponsible behavior on her part that caused me a lot of time and energy. I've been struggling with work due to poor sleep from music and TV coming through my walls all night which has been difficult to identify and deal with including with the apartment managers and security. I've been trying different sleep pills and earplugs (just isolates the noise) and the only thing that's been truly effective is something that's legal in Colorado and California but not here.

This friend has been one of two I've been interacting with (I left the social scene after a drug overdose and some major problems with friends and alcohol abuse), including another that I see periodically but I tend to stay away from groups because there always tends to be some drama that ensues and I end up losing something such as a lot of money, personal items to theft, friends getting hurt or killed, a damaged car, etc etc etc and I just cannot handle anything else right now except working a consistent job and paying down debt. I thought I was doing OK but there has been some strange behavior at work that I can't understand that has been dragging me down and this best friend helped me deal with it but she is gone now.

I'm not interested in religion no matter how nice the people are. It's great having some better camaraderie but not having it based on religious beliefs or practice.

I thought I was doing OK but with her gone it is very difficult dealing with the work and life situation. I am basically in financial limbo just having to save and pay down debt; that alone I can deal with but the work stress is almost too much.

I am fine working at my desk and having occasional social interaction and I generally need to focus but there is one person there who needs a lot of attention and acts negatively when it's not enough or apparently what she wants. She is very emotive and has said negative things about me, some of which struck me as strange and out-of-place, based on assumptions she made, which has affected the way one of the new staff who doesn't know me well treats me. This new person said she heard good and bad things about me and was nice to me the first day but after that has kind of given me the cold shoulder unlike the person she replaced (who was really nice even when she knew I was having a bad day!).

I have gotten along with everyone else really well, and I think this emotive person did not like how well I got along with another staff member whom she did not like and became negative towards me (that person left as well). The one person between me and this emotive person is really nice but also very apathetic so I have a hard time socially interacting with him. The rest of the people there are very nice (even though I've upset some of them!) but I don't work with them often.

I really don't want to get back into a social life at the moment but I don't want to offend anyone and I feel like there is just too much reaction to that kind of thing with a few of them and I don't want this to affect our work relationship or be "that guy" when they do social things at work. I've seen them spend hours just talking social stuff while I was threatened with my job if I did that (I even complained about it and was told to stop complaining), and I am just trying to surf the line of keeping things easy while not offending anyone.

One night I took a sleeping pill on a recommendation (doxylamine succinate 25mg) and felt like killing myself the next day; it was raining and I just couldn't take the work conflict, and the previous time I just felt groggy and lethargic. I can't take this pill anymore, but I've never had a reaction like that.

I've been OK not having much of a social life because I enjoy my little projects with electronics and music... that at least is going somewhere, but with this constant irritant at work of someone needing attention and reacting negatively when she doesn't get it and changing other people's behavior towards me is too much. I don't need someone expecting me to behave a certain way and have a certain life (she had a friend there who was very entertaining but spent time I can't and I have no energy or desire to; he left too). If I could just work in a closed office and see them occasionally things would be perfect. Nobody would take it personal and I wouldn't have to worry about getting involved in social stuff I can't really deal with right now.

How do I deal with this? While she knows I've had some issues with the distractions (I've never vocalized it, just haven't reacted to the voice-to-all complaining or random non-work-related questions she throws out there) I feel like I'm being ostracized for not jumping into every little social talk they have. I feel like they're not mature enough (except for the go-between guy, who's really easy to get along with) to not judge... the new girl just hasn't been welcoming or smiles since that first day even though I'm nice and smile and everything, and I have no idea what the other girl told her. I'm feeling thrown under the bus and like I'm being dragged into a drama again I've been trying to avoid;

can somebody help me please??

Dont even believe that you need to be desperate enough to want anyone in your life that steals, lies, or puts you in positions that you do not need or want.
If you are having trouble meeting decent people maybe you could take a class at a school, an art class or creative class of some type. If there is someone in the class you are interested in meeting suggest getting a cup of coffee or a coke. But people that bring drama or bring havoc in your life are not worth your time and being by yourself is a small price to pay when the alternative is dealing with people with no morals and bad behaviors.