Why are girls so "zoned out" nowadays?

So whenever I try to talk to a girl and get to know her, they always seem zoned
Out by their many gadgets(iphone,ipad,ipod,etc) and show no
Ability to carry on a convo, no eye contact..nothing.

I am a friendly and flirty guy. Cute and was told
I have nice eyes. I smell nice, clean teeth,
Dress good, but am also really scrawny because
Have trouble bulking up due to a genetic issue.
So I look way younger than 31 and come off
A bit nerdy...but definately am not ugly. I also
am not creepy in my approach.

So how do I get them out of their gadget-induced
Comfort zone? Is it a nyc thing??

This is true on the bus, the cafe, store...and
Other meetup spots.

Are girls in other places friendler??
Or does no one want a mate anymore??

I tried online sites...but even on actual dates
Seems girls spend more time texting people
Than actually trying to connect with me.
it is annoying.

Is it a generational thing?
Are we all facebook robots?

I have tried less random meetup
Places like yoga or church but seems
No one actually talks to each other there.
I cant get them past hello.

What is a guy in his early 30s to do???

Sorry you are having trouble meeting the right one. Not all women are like this but I do have to say that we are in a world that is more virtual than real. They probably don't even realize how they are coming off because it us so much a part of thier lives. Good luck in your search for love.

Hello albert.anthony81-
First of all, you sound like a great person and I am sure that you will find someone who will be able to hold a face to face conversation with you, it's just going to take some more time. I do not think it is just where you live and I also don't think it's just females. I agree that it is a sign of the times and while all the gadgets have supplied some awesome benefits they also have created issues with just "old-fashioned" face to face social interactions. I think it's also possible that people use their phones and computers and such as shields, at times, because they feel apprehensive about being social. I think the best thing to do is continue to try to just be you and engage in conversations and someone will respond. You are not the only one who wants to be in an actual conversation. I am like that (and I am a woman) and I know there are others around as well. Just keep trying-there will be people out there who will appreciate you and will want to talk with you.

I guess my suggestion would be to meet them on their own turf ... dating websites and such. From there you can work to pull them into the real world.

But then I've got about as much game as a snaggle-toothed walrus.

Maybe they just aren't interested in dating. Which isn't said to be insulting. Especially in a place like NYC (I am from new york too) people are endlessly driven and aren't ones for small talk. Usually its work and/or school over dating.

A lot of people are too dependent on their phones and social media now. I do use my phone a lot but only when I'm on my own and not talking to anyone. If I was on a date or with a friend I wouldn't be using it - it's just not polite at all, especially when you are having a conversation with someone or you have just met them, :/ I don't understand it personally. I think my problem is I am a bit shy (and nerdy) to begin with when I talk to someone but I'm when I start to feel comfortable I'm usually very talkative.

In public places (bus, cafe, yoga, etc) I think it is probably that women do not like to be bothered. They're busy going about their day and simply aren't interested in making small talk with random guys who approach them. That isn't a reflection on you personally; they just don't want to talk to strangers. We're often so busy that those kinds of interruptions often feel like intrusions into our personal time/space and the easiest way to shut those down without be overtly rude is to demonstrate we're busy by being on our phone, on our laptop, on our ipad, etc. Likely, the women you're approaching are also doing legitimate work on their devices- email, reading, writing, etc.

How do you decide which women to approach? Assuming that they are strangers, how do you know that they are straight? single? looking? into your type? I would say that the chance a random woman on the bus or at the cafe is all of the above is probably low. Again, that says nothing about you as a person; it just means that the random girl at the cafe may already be dating someone, may not be interested in men at all, may be happy being single, or simply be totally adverse to accepting interest from a stranger.

Women who are average looking (or above average) get approached A LOT by men and it can get really intrusive, and it can feel unsafe. It takes a lot of time and energy to respond to these guys, even just enough to say "not interested." Sometimes, these guys don't take no for an answer. Most women have been in a lot situations where they felt unsafe because of these advances. As a result, a lot of women simply shut these things down before anything can get off the ground. They don't want to take a chance because you're a stranger and you could be dangerous. You just never know.

For these reasons, I think sticking to places like a dating website are a much better option. There, women WANT to engage with you. You know the woman is single, straight, and looking. If these women show up on a date and spend more time on their phone than they do with you, then they're either not interested and using their phone because they're bored, or they are immature and can't be pulled away from their facebook or candycrush. Either way, they're probably not the right match for you. What age range are you dating in? Maybe the women are a bit young? Or, maybe you need to look for women who are on the more educated/professional side (maybe they're on facebook less?) Or, maybe look for someone whose profile doesn't say something like "I can't live without my cell phone." That is literally a question on okcupid!

Wow, scorpiosis you really seem to get it. And sounds like
you are an experienced female who has been through this.

It is true, in real life approaches I would say I have had far fewer
Dates and intimacy than when using a dating site like okcupid.

In 10 yrs in the dating game, the only girls I ended up being
"Intimate" with were ones I met online. So stats and numbers
Tell you alot...and your post is very eye opening as to why
this is happening.

I just assumed that attraction would come more naturally
when meeting offline in real life than dating sites, but actually
it is harder. I figured people in the 80s were able to meet
without any internet..so why not now?

And how do you overcome the massive competition on okcupid
And sites like that?

Further I wish to add... on youtube there are so many
Vids from PUA (pickup artists) who make it look so easy
to get numbers in real life situations by just being cocky
and funny.

I cannot seem to make that work.... and usually get the
"Got a boyfriend" response, or they go for the headphones
to sort of kill the switch before the light turns on. Haha.

Are girls also being indoctrinated the wrong way nowadays?
to assume talking to a stranger is a "risk"? I am in sales so
naturally I must talk alot...so if a girl stranger talked to me first
I would love it...not think of it as unsafe. Why associate a male
stranger with getting hurt?

Big piece of advice here, stay away from anything those idiots say. Taking advice from those d-bags is like asking Britney Spears how to handle high corrosion rates in the laminar sub-layer during material transport. All they know is how to get attention, not how to actually interact with women on a person level.

Thus the reason they claim to be pickup "artists" ... because they can't keep one past the moment when they say something stupid.

"Yay! I got a girl to talk to me. Oh, she realized I'm a moron ..."

So if I should not listen to pickup artists..
How then can I pull a girl out of her zone
And get her focused on me and on Us. ?

I get the impression they are going the risk-free
route all the time...attaching themselves to
a gay best friend, facebook, gadgets, etc. But
Putting last a potential boyfriend.

Is it something about this generation?
I am not fully grasping why we are risk averse
rather than seeing a new guy in your life as
An opportunity and learning experience,
And not something that may lead to hurt.

No pain is no gain, right? Or does no one
care about straight guys anymore?

I'm confused

This post is about you trying to connect with a girl find someone to date? Correct?

Your other post is about "how is the surest way to get her back to my place "

My advice would be get to know a girl in public, over the phone etc .. Most women now a days are leery of heading right towards a guys place right off.. I'm not saying you would harm anyone but hey a female has to be careful.

I hope you can connect to someone that makes you both happy

They were NOT interested, trust me if they were interested you'd know it and then wish they were a little zoned out because the opposite can be just as annoying. I take that kind of behavior as they are not interested and move on. If your as good looking as you claim you should not have too much trouble. Perhaps you wasting too much time with the one's that are not interested in you?

It is so hard to figure out whether they are just shy, they have a man, or they are not interested. It is super awkward to keep asking girls offline if they have a BF or not.. and in public places it can be awkward to ask for a number too, especially within earshot of others. (co-workers, friends, customers, yoga classmates, people on bus, whatever..)

I read that online it is supposed to be easier because you already have all that info upfront.. so why do people then have such a hard time online as well?? Its like I have to compete with the 100 emails she is getting from other guys. Few guys can be that hot that you can overcome THAT much competition!!

Feels like a zero-sum game nowadays in which no one wins. Any thoughts? Experiences? Ideas?

Do you have regular social activities? It is easier to meet a potential partner in an environment where you see each other regularly. Usually a relationship starts with friendship and then grows if the attraction is mutual.

Asking a lady you just met to come to your place implies one thing. Most ladies won't go for that.

Perhaps you are looking too hard. Sometimes doing that can be blinding.

Didgee,
here are some regular social activities I have tried over the years.. and the outcomes of trying to meet girls there..

Place: Church
Problem: no opportunity for conversation.. no one talks to each other they just listen
to mass and leave.

Place: Yoga class
Problem: Have gone to dozens of these with no luck. I cannot get past "hello." too many options within close range, too many distractions, too many other girls within earshot... and again, no one talks to each other. no communication = no digits!

Place: the gym or swimming pool
Problem: the lifeguards are usually way too young.. around 18-19.. and I'm 32! So obviously I should not even look at them. And the girls in the fitness center are always on the treadmill with their headphones on. In the past the few that I met gave me the "have a BF already" routine.

Place: niteclub/bar, meetup.com singles event, etc.
Problem: girls always there with friends and I have NO wingmen to join me, so it is hard to get numbers if their friends are there.. and VERY hard to talk with loud music on!

I know I cannot possibly be 31 and this clueless... what am I not seeing??

Do you have a birthday, coming up?

Stressing about having a special someone, around birthdays and holidays, is challenging.

I'm sticking by the old, cliche, when you least expect it, it will happen. Meaning, stop seaking, go about life, and when the time comes, you won't even know what happened.

Sometimes, people start as friends. And before, they know it, friendship turned into something more than that.

When you go about, not 'idealizing' having someone, for an 'us', then you are ready.

Sure, it's not what you want to hear, noone ever wants to hear'that', when dying inside, to start sharing life, but, I've found, when I've gone seeking, relationships based on needing someone/anyone, end in grief.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Well, I'm a girl. I'm rarely zoned out by technology (except for maybe my laptop) but if someone were to speak to me, I would close my laptop and engage them in polite conversation. But that's me and probably has something to do with where I'm from (Midwest) where it's more common to have a conversation with a complete stranger.

Anyway, I'm attractive, nice, and attentive and do you know how much attention I get from people interested in me (especially guys)? Zero. Guys will talk to me but they don't care about my number or to find out if I'm single or not (I've always been single).

Same online…girls don't get 100's of e-mails! I think a lot of people exaggerate. I've maybe gotten 10 or something from my various accounts (at least half a dozen accounts). True, most of the time I was looking for girls, but even when I was looking for guys too guys would look at my profile and move on the vast majority of the time.

So…I think my point is that you make simply be pursuing the wrong girls. Surely I'm not the only girl in the universe that will develop a crush on a guy that merely acknowledges my existence.

Find the girls who are always ignored…then you'll have zero competition.

How much conversation do you engage in before asking for numbers? In your posts here.. it seems like you say you are having trouble even getting past hellos, but then you worry about how awkward it is to ask for numbers?

If a guy was to ask for my number after talking to me for only a few minutes? He would never get my number. And when I'm by myself I am even less inclined to engage in conversation - as mentioned above, a lot of women have had a lot of bad experiences that make us unlikely to want to engage when we don't have a safe way out.

And you were wondering why it is that women would feel unsafe when you, as a many, wouldn't feel unsafe in the opposite situation? That is because women are typically less able to defend themselves due to size and strength. Women are more likely to be sexually assaulted in those sorts of instances than men would be.

And trying to meet someone in the store or on the bus or in a coffee shop? Usually women, and people in general, are in those places because they have something to do. They aren't often in the headspace of "Hey, let's meet and talk to people while I'm trying to get to X".

It is frustrating. I tend to only be approached by men who do seriously creep me out - and it's always when I'm alone and thus feeling a lot more exposed. I won't engage with someone unless they force me to anymore, and if they force me to engage they will get absolutely no where with me.

It's sort of just how things are these days. It isn't fun, but keep trying. You'll eventually meet someone who will be responsive to you. Just make sure that you aren't immediately hitting on them or going anywhere sexual with the conversation - those are redflags for a lot of people that the guy is just wanting sex. Try to just talk to them about whatever is going on around you.

Do you have friends that could hook you up with a double date? I am 34 but married and I live in the South. Ladies here are more into conversations even with strangers if the stranger seems genuine and safe. Believe it or not in my state, wi-fi is not available everyone and neither is cell service. I have zero cell service at my house actually. If possible, get out of the city.....Good luck to you! We have hooked friends up by a night of supper and card games here at the house..

A lot of women [just a lot of average people], even if they have their head buried in a mobile device, can detect when someone is being genuine. Personally, i respond to someone who might be awkward and a little silly but genuine, much more than a person who is all "smooth" and practiced.

I can smell it from a mile away.

And also... maybe if you are not a person who generally buries their face in their phone/ipod/tablet... you should look for people who do not do this?

Also, if you are truly interested in anything meaningful, learn about the woman as a person, and then about the person as a woman.

If that doesn't make sense, I don't know what to say haha

Time is a precious thing and alot of women would rather spend their time online or their phones as much as possible and just don't get it when someone is interested in them because as someone else said their candycrush time is valuabe to them. These internet and phones are fairly new since the 2000's and people find they need all the time in the world no matter what to use them. Sooner or later you may meet the right one, but women also are scared today because there is so much to be afraid of, ecpecially meeting someone through the internet. There are sites where you can go like christian mingle and more, but we still have to be very careful. Good luck

I just feel like girls today put the guy
Last behind their friends,their gadgets, gay
Besties, and their "me time."
They act like we dont matter and then
Act suprised that we have a sexual
Interest in them.

I speak from experience.

One I like recently told me she
Will give the world to a "friend" but
Not to a BF...because love is "risky".

Lol.

Is this the young generation now..
One that is happy living with roommates
or alone because they are risk-averse?

Someone please explain!!!

How can I truly connect with a girl if
She only gives me 10% of her time and
Attention?

tying this thread with your other one about "getting her back to your place"... have you considered that the women you are approaching are picking up some uncomfortable sexually realted vibes from you?

Im a dude and I dont put girls before my buddies and family either. I think you should just move on if she isnt giving you enough attention. I believe its best to end it soon before you are too emotionally attached.