[spaceid]

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 3 years now. In the Summer he got a 'save the date' card to a wedding for an old friend that he used to work with in another state for his wedding this May. My boyfriend wasn't going to go because he has a problem with alcohol and the guys that would be going were old drinking buddies and he did not wish to put himself in that situation again.

Last week his mother told him that he should go because his old supervisors would be at the wedding and since he is graduation college soon (my boyfriend and I are non-traditional college students and we went back to college in our late 20s, early 30s) that he would need references from these people. She is right as he was good at what he did and they would give him great references. So now he is going, but he has only because he has a voucher for a hotel stay and flights on JetBlue are pretty cheap.

What bothers me is that I am annoyed that he is not taking me as a date. However, my mind keeps going back and forth and I am scared that I am being selfish. Him, his brother, and I are taking a week long trip in June to celebrate his brother's birthday and my graduation, he still has another year to graduate. He is paying for most of the trip and I only have to pay half of what I would normally pay if we split the trip three ways as a graduation present. So I know that neither he nor I have much money to spend and we are both saving for the trip. But, I just feel a bit slighted considering he didn't even ask me to go with him as his date to the wedding. I feel like since we are in a relationship, that is what you do. You bring your significant other with you no questions asked. I would pay for my own plane ticket if need be, but the wedding is very close to the time of our trip and he doesn't want to spend much money. Being full-time college students at any age isn't cheap.

I feel annoyed and then guilty at the same time. When he doesn't invite I feel like he is hiding me from his friends. But then I feel guilty that I want him to take me even though he is already taking me on a nice trip in a few weeks after the wedding and I didn't have to contribute to the vacation fund a terrible amount. I guess I am just sad that he didn't even ask me to go.

Am I being selfish? Should I ask him why he doesn't want to take me? Should I tell him I'm a little hurt?

[RomanSunburn]

I would say you should talk to him. Otherwise, you're just going to build up resentment.

It could be any number of reasons. It could be completely out of his hands. Maybe the invitation was addressed to just him and only him, not to him and his date. Weddings are tricky, especially when it comes to the guest list because you're paying per the plate and that can get expensive really fast. You can't just go around bring +1 whenever you want -- it might not be in the budget, or you'll get there and not have a chair... (Yes, that happened at my wedding...) (Side note, I assume you guys live together?) It could have something to do with the reason he didn't want to go in the first place -- doesn't want you and his old drinking buddies mixing for some reason. Maybe he felt guilty asking you to come, but couldn't pay for your trip.

Personally, I agree with you. I would be hurt too, or at the very least, confused and worried. I think the best thing you can do is have open communication and talk about what's going on. For all you know, it could be a simple, "I didn't think you'd want to go." Use "I" statements... "I felt hurt when you didn't invite me to the wedding. Next time, I would appreciate it if you would invite me/discuss with me." Just try to have a calm, rational discussion without making each other feel defensive.

[hvert]

I agree with Roman Sunburn -- you should talk to your boyfriend about this. The last wedding I went to didn't say that I could bring a date, so my boyfriend stayed at home (and was happy about it). Your boyfriend may have assumed that you didn't want to spend the money to go to a wedding that even he didn't really want to go to. It sounds like a misunderstanding and not an intentional slight, but you won't know until you ask him