[Rosondo]

Hi.

Let's say you were doing well, you had friends, you were competing at school or at work, you were "living life", then something happened, you were hit with a tragedy, with a trauma, etc, and one thing after another and down you went and by the time you finally coming up and starting to recover, you realize somehow you separated from people, friends, relatives, from your job, school, etc, let's say for 15 years or so. People didn't hear what happened to you, and let's say some of the stuff that did involves a lot of shameful things, things that you are not comfortable discussing with others.

How do you get back into life? How do you start making friends? Do you reach out to old ones? How do you hold your head up high, when you have failed so badly?

I am a shy and private person by nature, and I do come from a certain family background that involves shame and so forth, even in "normal" circumstances, so the addition of this trauma and some other problems that happened to me, has me feeling imprisoned inside this shame that keeps eating at me. There is a part of me that so desperately want to go back and join my old life, where I was a competitive and hard-working person and tried to be the best at what I was doing. It is such a long distance between that and where I am right now.

To use a metaphor, there was a time I'd blush if I got a B instead of an A on a test. And now it's more like I failed all my tests and was left behind like three years. How the heck do you get back into that? How have you guys done it, those of you whose mental health issues were severe enough that created a major separation, a chronic disconnection, where you almost disappeared from the radar, you and your misery alone together.

Thank you so much and sorry for being vague.

[oldlife_disrupted]

I don't think those things matter to old friends. After 14 years of marriage, I went through a separation and found myself alone because I isolated myself from all of my old friends (most moved far away) and had no new ones. I was completely alone and had to start from scratch.

I thought my friends would think less of me for not contacting until I had a problem but guess what? Not only were they happy to hear from me, they were extremely sympathetic and encouraging, helped me through a really bad place. I'll never make the mistake of letting them fall out of my life again.

I think you'll find the same the experience. Go on Facebook and look up your old friends...the closer ones. Start a quick chat with them, make small talk. Don't let your ego hold you back...if you want to pass tests in life, this is how it starts.

[Rosondo]

Thank you so much oldlife distrupted, your post made me less self-conscious about this whole thing, shame is a horrible feeling to have.