[Rzay4]

So I have this friend let's call her Jane. Jane constantly tells me we need to set boundaries and I'm afraid one day she'll say we can't to be friends. I'm a little needy as I'm off work and constantly at home.

What should I do??

[healingme4me]

Well, what brings about Jane's mention, of 'needing boundaries'?

Boundaries, aren't about setting rules, they are about expressing needs. At least, I've learned, through experience, that's what they are about for me.

Can you give, an example, of one of her 'boundaries?' How long, was she single, before you?

[Rzay4]

We are friends not dating, example I'm not allowed to call her at work. She constantly needs space.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Rzay4

We are friends not dating, example I'm not allowed to call her at work. She constantly needs space.

I can't entertain personal calls, at work; nor can I manage texting either. For some reason, for starters, my network, doesn't go in my kitchen, although it went in the other kitchen, that I worked in. I was the only one, who could get clear reception, in my last kitchen workplace, but this one, no way. And that's OK. I am uber busy, during work hours. And, in some places of work, receiving personal calls/texts/emails during business hours, can hinder career growth, reviews, etc.

When you state she constantly needs space, what is the limitation, imposed? For instance, if it takes me an hour to respond to a text, when not working, it's nice when I am not asked where I was. Usually, the space between contact can involve anything from driving, tending to my kids, even taking a nap. Of course, being someone who likes space, it's also my responsibility, to show consistency in a reply pattern. And, to give, the same level of expectation back in return. It's trust building. And showing respect, that times get busy, trust that there will be reciprocity.

[Rzay4]

Yes but to what point will she stop wanting to be my friend.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Rzay4

Yes but to what point will she stop wanting to be my friend.

Dunno. Would take a crystal ball, to figure that one out. I don't mean that in a snide/snarky way, either.

Just because, a person needs space and boundaries, doesn't mean that they are desiring to end things.

Friendships are tricky like that. You never know, if it's for a season, a reason nor a lifetime, until you reach that point.

[scorpiosis37]

If you want to continue to be friends with her, the best thing you can do is respect her boundaries. If she asks you not to call her at work, then don't call her while she is working. That is a pretty standard boundary. I also ask that no one call me at work. I'm working, which means I'm busy and not available. If she says she needs space, that means that, in general, you probably need to call/text her less often because she doesn't have as much time for you as you may like. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to be your friend; it means she has other things and people in her life that she needs to give time and attention to. Are you in therapy? Learning boundaries is a really common thing that people work on in therapy.

[Rzay4]

Yes I am therapy and will respect her boundaries. For instance no texting her until after the holiday. Thanks for your replies. I truly appreciate them.

[Rzay4]

Bumping this on up