[boopei]

I'm attached in an endless negative loop with my mother. She's always been a very negative person (not sure why), but it's always been like that. If one little blip goes wrong in my life, she makes sure to impress upon me that it's the worst thing ever, and my life will be destroyed.

I'm 32 years old and in a committed relationship, I've had a lot of things happen in my past (who hasn't?) and although I understand as a mother she'll worry regardless, the over dramatic negativity is choking me.

Recently, a software update on my phone screwed up the sim card, and gives a "phone not in service" message if you call it. My partners phone on the same account, still works, so we know it's not a acct/billing issue. My mother contacts me saying how my partner is a deadbeat, how come my phone is shut off, pretty soon my car will be repo'd, but not to worry because I can move back home at any time.

I moved to a different area to try to break the attachments with her (I still love her, and I talk to her occasionally, but I can't be near her, she tries to control my life as if it were her own). But I spent the last 2 days, sick to my stomach because my anxiety levels went NUTS. I was reacting to her words as if the apocalypse was coming and as if she was totally right.

How do I get rid of this bad trait?? I want to have logic/common sense prevail when she goes on one of her rants, and not let her words completely defeat me, and send me spiraling into depression/anxiety attacks. Is it just a matter of time?

[curley]

Hi Boopei, I understand it is difficult and a real downer to live with so much negativity. My mom was pretty much the same way. The only thing I could do was focus on the positive and refuse to allow negative to consume me.
I would focus on what you say and make sure your words do not lead you down that path. Pretty soon it will be more natural for you to be positive!
Good LUck!

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by boopei

I'm attached in an endless negative loop with my mother. She's always been a very negative person (not sure why), but it's always been like that. If one little blip goes wrong in my life, she makes sure to impress upon me that it's the worst thing ever, and my life will be destroyed.

I'm 32 years old and in a committed relationship, I've had a lot of things happen in my past (who hasn't?) and although I understand as a mother she'll worry regardless, the over dramatic negativity is choking me.

Recently, a software update on my phone screwed up the sim card, and gives a "phone not in service" message if you call it. My partners phone on the same account, still works, so we know it's not a acct/billing issue. My mother contacts me saying how my partner is a deadbeat, how come my phone is shut off, pretty soon my car will be repo'd, but not to worry because I can move back home at any time.

I moved to a different area to try to break the attachments with her (I still love her, and I talk to her occasionally, but I can't be near her, she tries to control my life as if it were her own). But I spent the last 2 days, sick to my stomach because my anxiety levels went NUTS. I was reacting to her words as if the apocalypse was coming and as if she was totally right.

How do I get rid of this bad trait?? I want to have logic/common sense prevail when she goes on one of her rants, and not let her words completely defeat me, and send me spiraling into depression/anxiety attacks. Is it just a matter of time?

This is very similar to my relationship with my mother in some aspects. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother very much (I can tell you do too), but there are times that her participation in my life is just... detrimental. I will just say, you've been programmed since boyhood to love, listen, and to respect your mom. We typically hold their opinions above all else and since we were a child, they have been our voice of reason. Your mother is obviously not that for you right now, but it doesn't mean you'll just revert from all those years of programming that have always made her so right to you before. This takes practice. Have you tried talking to your partner about your feelings on your mother? Getting all this out might be a good place to start.