Estranged From Adult Daughter - How Often Does This Happen

NotQuiteNormal · Dec 01, 2013 at 11:16 PM

I will start by giving a bit of background for clarification.

About me:
At the time 60 years old
Permanently Physically Disabled
Single, living alone in a very rural area
No friends accept 1 phone friend from another state.
　
Timeline:
The first week of July 2013 til now Dec 1, 2013

Prior Events:
- Babysat my 2 grandchildren for 3 days and nights so parent could “save money” for their 2 week vacation beginning July 5th.
- Son-in-law picked up children on Wed July 3rd 7 PM - forgot car seats
- Called daughter Thur July 4th 9 AM - told her I would bring up car seats - she said let her check with husband. Told her I would not be home the next day, July 5th.
- Daughter called Thur July 4th 3:30 PM - said son-in law would pick up car seats around 6 PM since it was on his way home.
- July 4th 8 PM called daughter, asked if son-in-law was ok.. He had not come to pick up car seats. Said she would check.
- Daughter called at 9 PM. Said husband was too tired to get car seats. He would pick them up next day. I reminder her I would not be at home then. She got angry and said: “I wish to God I had never sent them down to you.” Told her I would bring the car seats that night to her.
- Took car seats 30 miles one way, during thunderstorm.
- Was greeted at the door by son-in-law saying that he would have picked them up the next day.
- Told him (MAY have raised my voice) that I would not be there.
- He lunged off the doorstep into my face, flailing arms, cursing me, throwing a car seat that almost knocked me down. Paraphrasing - he said to get my stuff and get gone…. With a several added expletives.
It is not that he is unlearned and does not know how to communicate. Part of what he does is to be a volunteer policeman in my town.

Event:
- Daughter called the next morning, July 5th and referenced the events of the night before.
- I told her “He lunged at me, cursed me and threw a car seat that almost knocked me down.” EXACT words
- Her remark: “Well, I know that you yelled at him first.

I hung up the phone and have not answered it or any emails I have received from her since. It is now Dec 1, 2013. The incident brought back horrible memories and flashbacks of how my father treated me as a child. The flashbacks lasted over 3 weeks. I had to go on medication and the doctor was considering putting me into a hospital.

Since my daughter and I have had ongoing personality conflicts for years, and my son-in-law has followed her lead and insulted me numerous times over the past decade, I have decided to completely cut myself off from them. The separation from my grand children is tearing me apart, but not nearly as much as their parents did.

I do acknowledge I have some problems, big time. I believe I probably set myself up for being treated this way. That does not mean I want it to continue. For the first time in my life I am taking care of me first.

Does this type of thing happen a lot in the real world when people finally put their foot down?

ifthespiritmovesme · Dec 02, 2013 at 04:14 AM

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am going through (have been going through for quite some years) a very similar thing, but with my daughter, my only child. I don't know what to do either. She has no concept of respect for me. Several times I have considered just cutting her out of my life, but that would only hurt me - I think she would be relieved. I have 2 grandsons whom I see maybe twice a year - whenever my daughter needs a babysitter while she goes on vacation. They live a little over an hour away, but just can't find the time to come see me...the time on the road coming and going is just a waste of time they can't afford. I do not have a car, so I can't make the drive there.
I wrote a post about this but it hasn't been posted yet. I hope you and I both get some help from here.

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