[halbrooksprincez3]

LONG story short. I have this friend. We have been through ups and downs together.

He is leaving the military today (he is probably actually gone by now) and it hurts me.

We had a "relationship" about 2 years ago, and it ended badly, but we were still really attached to each other. We both went our seperate ways, and during the two years, i think we said maybe a sentence to each other.

Well, about 2 weeks ago, we actually had time to talk to each other and we caught up. He found out that I got married and he was happy about it.

Out of the blue, i tried talking to him again, and he basically shut off every single feeling he ever had for me. He told me that im too good for him, and he doesnt want to be friends, and he said to leave him alone, and he never wants to hear from me again. That really hurt me. I havent seen him or heard from him since that day.

I just found out like a week ago, that he was leaving out of the military today. I dont know what to do. I cant just leave him "cold turkey" but i want to keep my distance.

What do i do???

I'm so sorry you were cut off like that and pushed away. That really hurts. I can almost feel the pain from here. Been there. :'(

Not much you can do really, at least not about the friendship. He's married and you're pretty much an ex. We don't know this but some spouses have problems with their SOs having contact with their exes. Could be that. Could be the military thing. It might be a variety of things that he's going through that you don't know of, and he might feel the need to keep things simple. Going into the military is a major life changing experience so it's likely that could be part of it.

All of that doesn't matter though, I only tell you that to comfort you.

Thing is you need to take care of you and your feelings. He is gone and you can't dwell on this. I can't say it will be easy and I won't lie and give you some magic solution that doesnt exist just to say I gve you advice. I will say that finding your way of coping is what you need to do, whatever it takes. It's not whether the pain will never go away, it's getting through the pain that exists right now that is hard.

I'm sorry I wish I had a soluton for you. Just know you have friends here if you need to vent or need support
*hugs*
S4

I completely agree with s4ndm4n2006's post above. So I won't repeat.

I think that the fact he is married seals the deal that you won't be hearing from him. Abrupt departures are really rough...I am thinking of you.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by halbrooksprincez3

LONG story short. I have this friend. We have been through ups and downs together.

He is leaving the military today (he is probably actually gone by now) and it hurts me.

We had a "relationship" about 2 years ago, and it ended badly, but we were still really attached to each other. We both went our seperate ways, and during the two years, i think we said maybe a sentence to each other.

Well, about 2 weeks ago, we actually had time to talk to each other and we caught up. He found out that I got married and he was happy about it.

Out of the blue, i tried talking to him again, and he basically shut off every single feeling he ever had for me. He told me that im too good for him, and he doesnt want to be friends, and he said to leave him alone, and he never wants to hear from me again. That really hurt me. I havent seen him or heard from him since that day.

I just found out like a week ago, that he was leaving out of the military today. I dont know what to do. I cant just leave him "cold turkey" but i want to keep my distance.

What do i do???

Question is, why, if you are married, is a friendship with him, an ex, important?

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[halbrooksprincez3]

Not to sound snotty or anything, but he's not married, im the one married.

The friendship is not crucial (?) but i mean its nice to have. He's one of my really good friends and he understands what i've been though. But if this is what he wants, then i guess its what he gets.

You didn't leave him "cold turkey" ... He left you "cold turkey" ...

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it but to keep putting one foot in front of the other!

Time will ease the pain, but in the meantime it hurts like hell to be cut off like that.

Sorry you're hurting.

Stay Healthy!

[Alokin]

He just joined the military, it is not like he is in prison. I served over 10 years and I still had a life and friends and all that. Basic is not all that long. He may move away from where you are but that doesn't mean he is unavailable, although it sounds like he wants to be unavailable to you. How does your husband feel about you pursuing a friendship with this fellow?

[halbrooksprincez3]

Husband doesnt like the guy, but frankly, he doesnt like any guy that i talk to.

[hamster-bamster]

It could have been his way of trying to lessen the pain for him. He might still be having feelings for you, but you are not available since you are married, so, no pun intended, to him talking to you is to no avail. It could be that each time he hears your voice, the feelings he has been trying to suppress resurface, and he does not like feeling emotional pain. Also, and further, he could have felt resentment towards you for putting him in this position in which in his true emotional self he is not happy that you got married, but as a polite person he felt obligated to congratulate you on your marriage. I do not know - I am just saying it could have been the case. And then the "cold turkey" silent treatment was a way of expressing that resentment.