[spiritbrite]

I feel bad because I get upset when he dosen't call much or text on days when he is busy. Then he gets upset at himself because he feels that I am mad at him, or that he doesn't do enough, or that he mucks things up.

Noo. I just want to spend time with him and I feel frustrated and sad because we miss each other and live in different states. We have our consecutive morning and night conversations which is awesome, and he tries to make time for me but he gets caught up with family and school, and soon work. I love him to pieces and I just miss him. On top of that I have anxiety that makes me suspicious and have irrational thoughts. He is an awesome guy, sometimes It think I'm too hard on him (b/c of the irrational thoughts)...but I just miss the **** out of him. I miss kissing him, holding him, laughing with him, laying next to him. I think what has added to this is my computer died last month so I coulden't play games either with him or by myself. The new one will be built soon as all the parts have to come in. Ive been driving myself batty with missing him, being bored out of my skull, and down. I live somewhere where I am very isolated, and right now I feel like I want to cry. I just don't want to keep making him feel like he's doing something wrong or freaking out on him because I miss him. I will be hopefully seeing a therapist soon. Does anyone have any suggestions, as in coping techniques? I feel very alone, and sad..and terrified that my anxiety will spiral out of control and...do terrible things.

[Travelinglady]

Hello, spiritbrite, and welcome to Psych Central! I have no doubt that you miss him. It must be hard to be far away.

The only thing that comes to my mind right now is to just try to stay busy--and get out with friends, go shopping, watch movies, etc.

[SilverNeurotic]

My hubby and I lived 300 miles away from one another while we were dating and a year of our engagement. We got through it by visiting one another every month or two, keeping in touch using Skype, phone and texting. The biggest thing was visits though and having a plan to move in together.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[healingme4me]

I feel one of the important things, long distance or not, in a relationship, is the ability to have a sense of being an independent person, outside the relationship, then 'inter'dependent within the relationship. Interdependent, recognizes that it's natural to have a healthy dependency on one another. You are a priority to each other, you are each others best friends, and of course more than that. It's being supportive. Those make up the dependency, as in, you depend on one another.
Ther inter, means, that when apart, whether it be by miles, jobs, even the grocery store, you are your own person, that matters outside the relationship. You'd have your own hobbies and interests and things that make you, who you are. So that, at the end of the day, you both have experienced living life, and come back together.

What can you do, to be your own individual self, during those lapses in time, where the two of you aren't together? Classes? An exercise class? Joining a hobby group?

If he's consistently there, then where's the worries stemming from? Did something happen in the past? Or did, he unknowingly breach trust, along the way??

[Gloomygirl74]

Hi, I am new to this but I am having the same issues. My bf has gone away for work(1,400 miles) 28 days a month and home for 7. It's been 6 months now but it is just as hard today as it was the day he left. He works 14hr days so when he's done he just wants to sleep. We talk but 5 minutes here and there or sometimes longer when he's not busy but it hurts my feelings because it is hard enough not having him home let alone feeling like he never has time for me. Sometimes I get so mean to him and say things I shouldn't because my feelings are hurt and I just want him to come home but I also know why he took the job. He is the best guy ever, never is he mean to me or says anything negative, he is so positive about our relationship and our love but I miss him so much and I'm so lonely without him. Here lately I am having other issues outside of my bf being gone and they sure ain't making it any easier, I have no energy, I'm always tired and achy... Just blah....I know I can't just lay around, I'm getting fatter and fatter,I'm smoking a lot more and all I want to do is cry. I don't want to be mean to him or anyone else, I don't want to cry everyday, I don't want to be fat. I just want to be healthy and happy but have no energy. Please help...

[RomanSunburn]

I understand what you guys are going through.

My husband and I are in a commuter marriage and have been for over a year. Prior to this, we lived together for about two years. But before that, we dated long distance for four years, with 6 months of him in Germany. It's tough, I know it is. But you have to focus on yourself. You have to get out and go do things, be active, so when you do get a chance to talk to him, you can tell him about all the things you did. Take up a hobby or a class. Something that takes your mind off being lonely during the day. The nights will always be hard, but if you start feeling better during the day, your nights will get a little better too.

I also agree that a plan to end the distance is key. Even if it's just a loose one, like "When I graduate college, we'll figure out a way to be together." Being flexible will help when the time actually does come. For us, we plan on doing this commuter marriage business for another 4 years or so, and then we'll start thinking about new jobs, moving, having kids, etc.

And I'm sure you guys already know this, but try not to lash out at your significant other because you're lonely. I've been there, I've done it. It's not helpful. If anything, you risk pushing him away because he feels like he can't be there for you. Been there, done that too. Try taking up journaling. Vent all your frustrations there, so when you get to talk to him, you're not venting at him.

I still get lonely. I still have rough days where all I want is him home NOW. But just remember, keep focusing on yourself and it will make your relationship better. The stronger you are, the stronger the relationship. Think of this as time you get to do things just for you. You are an independent individual with the bonus of a significant other.

I hope this was a little bit of help. Keep venting here if you need to. We're here to listen and offer support when we can.