After all the posts that you all have seen from me, it seems the saga of my girl gamer and me has ended. At least on the level of anything ever being romantic or more than that.

Now I sit feeling mislead, and stupid. Sitting on the side of the road, beaten, broken and bleeding. Yeah. It was not a pretty sight.

Why did I even breach the subject at this point? With the encouragement from all the input and my own intuition or gut (or so I thought) with all the signs pointing to attraction, it all came to the other night when I sheepishly asked her "so are you my kat?" and she simplly repliled "Could say that. XD" Which apparently meant something completely different to her. With all the times she's said things which I think, would lead most men to think there was something there, she wrote it all off as "that's just me being positive and nice.." and explained that she doesn't like to be rude.. etc. But somehow it doesn't sit well with me. That wasn't "NOT being rude" that was overt flirting, as I see it. The comments that "I miss you already" in a message, the "this is how I show my love for you..." in the game... all of it. There was just no way I could have interpreted it differently. Please, please someone tell me I'm wrong so I can put this to rest.

After I'd poured my heart out to her that night, she finally said she can't talk to me because she felt bad for how she made me feel, she said that she would be a constant reminder of the pain to me, and said she can't talk to me anymore... went off line, unfriended me on fb, raptr, steam, everything and even went on to block me from even messaging her. Temporarily. I don't understand that.

Later we were talking a tiny bit and she was relatively quiet. She ended up saying "I still feel very bad" and I said I'd give her space and did. But I can't help but wonder, what is it that she is hurting so much for if there is nothing there? I'm no stalker, so there is no reason for her to block me for those reasons when she did.

Another thing is, the first part happened Friday night I think. Saturday I did not send her a daily message as I have been for months. I went off line on steam (prior to her blocking me) And I forgot to turn off Raptr. She got on there and asked "are you avoiding me now?" As if things should just keep going. she mentioned "I got up today and no message from you. " I'm telling you I'm not crazy, there is something there... Not that it means anything now because obviously she's a closed book for me...

Anyway I don't know what I expect from you all.. but I lack many close friends to bounce all of this off of so... here I am

Thanks for listening
XO ~S4

[Trippin2.0]

She seems to be lying about obviously flirting and leading you on. Idk why though...

I'm sorry hun

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

She seems to be lying about obviously flirting and leading you on. Idk why though...

I'm sorry hun

I think she's lying about flirting too. But I don't think it's being hurtful or deceitful in a direct way. I really feel like it's self protection from a situation she sees as impossible. twice she mentioned the distance and although she didn't say she was attracted to me and that was the reason, she did mention that. I even asked if I was in your area, would I have a chance? She didn't hesitate to say "yes". :/

I'm ok now to a point. The pain is still there but I wish she could be honest and just say 'yes I want you but I can't" because it's much better than making the other person feel like it was all nothing.

[sabby]

Is it possible that she's embarrassed about possibly leading you in a direction that she now feels is not best for her? I think many times when we become embarrassed, we tend to shy away because it's painful to think of how we acted or how someone else is now feeling because of our behavior.

This may have absolutely nothing to do with you s4ndm4n and everything to do with her.

I do understand how confusing it may be feeling for you and how you are hurting over this. I hope those feelings will settle down soon for you.

[danvb]

Sandman...

Have you, like, ever really MET this person?

Well, of course you have...

But...

I guess I mean, the flesh and blood, I-can-touch-you-and-see-you-and-feel-you-in-the here-and-now type person.

[arachnophobia.kid]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, I was rooting for you two. I'm also sorry if my posts ever caused you to have false hope. I just wanted to encourage you to keep trying with her. To me it sounded like she was into you and I don't think you were misreading anything. Maybe she just does not have a good understanding of healthy boundaries, causing her to lead you on. At least that would explain why she is feeling bad because in that case she may have been unaware that she was leading you on. That's how it looks to me. I believe you when you say there is something there but I don't know what that something is, could be that she really likes the attention you give her, or just friendship, or something more. But anyway, whatever it is, seems like it ain't meant to be. I hope you can feel better about it soon.

Originally Posted by danvb

Sandman...

Have you, like, ever really MET this person?

Well, of course you have...

But...

I guess I mean, the flesh and blood, I-can-touch-you-and-see-you-and-feel-you-in-the here-and-now type person.

What do you mean, of course you have?

Seriously? I've mentioned in one or more of my numerous posts about this that no we have not met yet.

Although it's a factor please don't minimize my feelings here. It's as if you're saying "if you've never met her wtf were you thinking?" people are people online and in real life. Just because I can't touch you does not mean I can't know you.

Based on the fact that my 13+ year marriage was begun online. the fact that we're apart has nothing to do with how we met, though.

[allme]

I too am sorry it didn't work out. The thing is, some women like to flirt and all that stuff but don't necessarily want anything out of it. Maybe she is that way with everyone? Some women, and men, are just like that. What I don't understand is blocking you from everything....she has reacted really immature over it and definitely could've handled it better.

Just give her the space she asked for and obviously wants and see what happens from there. Hopefully you can salvage some kind of friendship for this.

All the best

[allme]

Oh and please don't feel stupid, you have nothing to feel stupid about...IMO she lead you on with the stuff she said

Originally Posted by allme

Oh and please don't feel stupid, you have nothing to feel stupid about...IMO she lead you on with the stuff she said

Knowing how she is, I dont' think it was "leading me on" as in I don't know that she didn't mean all of it. I really do think she did. Even though the outcome still means we can only be friends, the fact is that she is a genuine person and I know this about her. Either she had no idea how she impacted me or She changed her mind, got scared or when the chips were down realized where it was headed.

I say it's doubtful she didn't know where I was going with this because I had said in fun "quit being so sweet or I surely will fall for you." and said similar things to her on more than one ocassion occasion . Up to this weekend though I had not pushed the issue past just playfuly saying I was falling for her. I had not put it all on the table and I think that broke her safety fence. She now was faced with an actual decision.

Thing is also, I'm not convinced it would never have happened but as anxious bpd-disordered and emotionally driven person, I rushed things.

The good thing is she still wants me around. Still wants to talk, play and be friends. I'm not about to abandon her because I can't have her as a girlfriend. Besides... if she ever did have feelings for me, I doubt they left.

Another good thing is that at worst, knowing how much we like each other as friends and having the "relationship" thing out of the way, we can enjoy each other and become closer IMO. One of my bestest friends online is in Australia. We have been for nearly 2 yrs. I fell for her at first too and now.. I know it's not anything that can happen. she knows I love her but knows although I would give her the world, I won't breach the subject ever again, and because of that, we are like this ::: makes hand gesture :::: Hopefully I can have kat the same way in a relationship. As soon as the wishful thinking goes away.. that is.

[Fuzzybear]

[RomanSunburn]

Just wanted to echo what everyone else was saying. I agree with your last post, though, on the possibilities of why she reacted the way she did. And blocking you? From what you say, to me, it sounds like she was scared... And maybe doesn't really know what she wants (or knows what she wants, but not how to make it happen?). Sorry things didn't turn out better this time around. Sorry if I unnecessarily encouraged you. You'll get through this, though. You're strong and far too nice of a person to not get snatched up. Now just wasn't the right time for snatching.

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

You're strong and far too nice of a person to not get snatched up.

Awww thanks for saying that, now somehow take a brick to my already messed up head and maybe I'll believe it too

[hannabee]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I even asked if I was in your area, would I have a chance? She didn't hesitate to say "yes". :/

Okay, so I think she was flirting, but maybe she never planned on meeting and she got scared??? Maybe she is not who she says she is?? I guess if she has been misrepresenting herself, you will have no way of finding that out. (Unless you want to call Nev from the Catfish show) No way she could be married, right???
The whole thing is now quite confusing to me. It really sounded like you two were hitting it off and I don't think you were misreading what she was saying to you. I mean, come on, telling someone they are sexy is a definite come-on!
Well, sorry this happened and hope you meet someone else real soon.

[danvb]

Sandman,

I'm sorry, but I haven't read any of the posts you mentioned or I wouldn't have asked if you'd met her in "flesh and blood". When I said "Of course you have (met her), I was simply acknowledging that you felt an online closeness to her... a feeling that's akin to "meeting" someone. Nothing more. I assumed that you would understand that I was saying, "of course you've met her! You met her online!"

I'm not minimizing your feeling. I'm not minimizing anything. I don't play mind games with ANYONE and I don't judge anyone. EVER. Ever.

I met my wife by writing to her... cold turkey... She didn't know me and I didn't know her. We didn't even enjoy the benefit of instant communication like we do now. We wrote LETTERS in the snail mail. In those days, a letter took a few DAYS just to get there in ONE direction! We wrote to each other for several months before I flew from Seattle to Omaha to actually meet her in person for the first time. Well, that isn't entirely true, I met her when she was 5 years old and I was 2 years old...Even though we'd never met in person as adults, we both felt that we'd met and already knew eachother when we finally met for the first time in "flesh and blood". Our mothers were friends in the 1950's There's a picture of us together in November 1955 in the photo album on my profile page...

So... I asked you if you'd ever met her in flesh and blood simply because the question occurred to me to ask it and your message piqued my curiosity. The only reason that I posed the question in terms of "flesh-and-blood" is because I assumed that you'd already met her online...

The more I know about someone the more I can get a feeling of who they are and what's going on in their life. I don't ever have any other ulterior motives. I asked because I wanted to know. Period.

If what I say when I respond to your OPEN questions pushes your buttons somehow and pisses you off for some reason, fine. I don't have any problem keeping my distance from you and never respond to any of your posts if that's what you'd like. I honestly don't feel one way or the other about it. I certainly don't feel any animosity towards you or anythng negative... but... Whatever you'd like...

You posted, I responded to your message with what came to my mind, nothing more.

Dan

Originally Posted by hannabee

Okay, so I think she was flirting, but maybe she never planned on meeting and she got scared??? Maybe she is not who she says she is?? I guess if she has been misrepresenting herself, you will have no way of finding that out. (Unless you want to call Nev from the Catfish show) No way she could be married, right???
The whole thing is now quite confusing to me. It really sounded like you two were hitting it off and I don't think you were misreading what she was saying to you. I mean, come on, telling someone they are sexy is a definite come-on!
Well, sorry this happened and hope you meet someone else real soon.

I don't know. I hope it's just fear. that can be gotten over but as it is she's been offline for a long time now and I dunno if she'll be back. Either way I need to get past this.

Originally Posted by danvb

Sandman,

I'm sorry, but I haven't read any of the posts you mentioned or I wouldn't have asked if you'd met her in "flesh and blood". When I said "Of course you have (met her), I was simply acknowledging that you felt an online closeness to her... a feeling that's akin to "meeting" someone. Nothing more. I assumed that you would understand that I was saying, "of course you've met her! You met her online!"

I'm not minimizing your feeling. I'm not minimizing anything. I don't play mind games with ANYONE and I don't judge anyone. EVER. Ever.

I met my wife by writing to her... cold turkey... She didn't know me and I didn't know her. We didn't even enjoy the benefit of instant communication like we do now. We wrote LETTERS in the snail mail. In those days, a letter took a few DAYS just to get there in ONE direction! We wrote to each other for several months before I flew from Seattle to Omaha to actually meet her in person for the first time. Well, that isn't entirely true, I met her when she was 5 years old and I was 2 years old...Even though we'd never met in person as adults, we both felt that we'd met and already knew eachother when we finally met for the first time in "flesh and blood". Our mothers were friends in the 1950's There's a picture of us together in November 1955 in the photo album on my profile page...

So... I asked you if you'd ever met her in flesh and blood simply because the question occurred to me to ask it and your message piqued my curiosity. The only reason that I posed the question in terms of "flesh-and-blood" is because I assumed that you'd already met her online...

The more I know about someone the more I can get a feeling of who they are and what's going on in their life. I don't ever have any other ulterior motives. I asked because I wanted to know. Period.

If what I say when I respond to your OPEN questions pushes your buttons somehow and pisses you off for some reason, fine. I don't have any problem keeping my distance from you and never respond to any of your posts if that's what you'd like. I honestly don't feel one way or the other about it. I certainly don't feel any animosity towards you or anythng negative... but... Whatever you'd like...

You posted, I responded to your message with what came to my mind, nothing more.

Dan

you're fine. I often misread peoples responses because I am quite a literal persson as I've told others and don't read intent very well into things.

I understand and you never did "piss me off".

Thanks for clarifying.

[Little Miss Death]

i never wanted to post my thoughts, but i sort of always thought, reading your posts, that this is what would happen. online relationships just always seem to go that way in my experience.

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by arachnophobia.kid

I'm sorry it didn't work out, I was rooting for you two. I'm also sorry if my posts ever caused you to have false hope. I just wanted to encourage you to keep trying with her. To me it sounded like she was into you and I don't think you were misreading anything. Maybe she just does not have a good understanding of healthy boundaries, causing her to lead you on. At least that would explain why she is feeling bad because in that case she may have been unaware that she was leading you on. That's how it looks to me. I believe you when you say there is something there but I don't know what that something is, could be that she really likes the attention you give her, or just friendship, or something more. But anyway, whatever it is, seems like it ain't meant to be. I hope you can feel better about it soon.

I think this is a good answer to some of your questions.

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by allme

I too am sorry it didn't work out. The thing is, some women like to flirt and all that stuff but don't necessarily want anything out of it. Maybe she is that way with everyone? Some women, and men, are just like that. What I don't understand is blocking you from everything....she has reacted really immature over it and definitely could've handled it better.

Just give her the space she asked for and obviously wants and see what happens from there. Hopefully you can salvage some kind of friendship for this.

All the best

^this... I agree.

[Maranara]

I am not qualified to give any advice, but I am sorry for your pain and am reaching out, for whatever that is worth. I am thinking of you. Take care.

Originally Posted by Little Miss Death

i never wanted to post my thoughts, but i sort of always thought, reading your posts, that this is what would happen. online relationships just always seem to go that way in my experience.

I believe there is some truth in that. I know that it can work but i think that it takes some special precautions with people on line to make sure that you go about it the right way, all of which I have failed to do

Update: I am cautiously proceeding with this friendship. I can't really be angry with her and cut her off because there is too much unknown about whether it was intentional or driven by fear. Either way I know its not going to be anything more than a friendship unless by some wild chance, she changes her mind... which of course, I am not expecting or "banking" on. She is still a fun friend and we are back on as good friends talking and playing games again.

If I get too wrapped up I'll try to post something here to let you guys bring me back to earth again XD lol.

On another note another lady friend from awhile ago hit me up on skype out of the blue, and I'd thought she'd forgotten me. So there is hope right?

[allme]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Update: I am cautiously proceeding with this friendship. I can't really be angry with her and cut her off because there is too much unknown about whether it was intentional or driven by fear. Either way I know its not going to be anything more than a friendship unless by some wild chance, she changes her mind... which of course, I am not expecting or "banking" on. She is still a fun friend and we are back on as good friends talking and playing games again.

If I get too wrapped up I'll try to post something here to let you guys bring me back to earth again XD lol.

On another note another lady friend from awhile ago hit me up on skype out of the blue, and I'd thought she'd forgotten me. So there is hope right?

I think you need to give yourself a break Give yourself some time before you have other romantic ideas. I take it that's what you meant when you asked if there was hope?

Originally Posted by allme

I think you need to give yourself a break Give yourself some time before you have other romantic ideas. I take it that's what you meant when you asked if there was hope?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O O O O

ok yeah but seriously? sure. maybe so. Will it happen? I doubt it.