i messed up

so i was seeing a guy and i flipped one day because he kept talking of moving away and i felt that if hes not staying where i am why should i put effort into a relationship. well. thats how i broke it off telling him that he isnt sticking around. after a few days i contact him bcz i miss him. things arent the same of course we arent really talking like we used to then i go out on a wild night where i kiss a cpl ppl and i tell him. he said i could kiss who i want. well days went by we had no contact now my depression is hitting hard and im obsessing, i cant get it out of my head that i ruined things and now he hates me and doesnt want to have anything to do with me. i go back and forth between its ok and why doesnt he want to forgive me and lets start over. well i mess up again and delete him off my friends list on fb when i was in a state of distress. being suicidal and obsessive. i try to get him back on as a friend and now he isnt talking to me he made the mad face on fb and that was the last ive heard from him. its only been hours but i have a feeling hes really pissed and wont contact me again bcz i messaged him and he hasnt responded to my text. i guess i dont know how to stop obsessing about what i have no control over at this point. the damage has been done i can only apologize and try to explain. but im not even given the opportunity right now.

never mind i feel like im just complaining hes ok hes a good friend. friends forgive.

so maybe he hasnt forgiven me quite yet. he messaged me asked me how i was doing and then asked me how the hunting has been going. why does he think im hunting and does it bother him if i was. what was the point. if he doesnt want me then why shouldnt i "hunt"

Why not take a breather - take a pause from all this? Give yourself some time to let things settle down a bit. Maybe you need some time & distance from this for a while? When you're "hunting" - keep in mind what it is that you are searching for, and your reasons. You are a human being, and humans are social. It's normal to want some people in your life.

Chill and don't contact him for a while.

he was my life for so long i didnt really hang with anyone else and now i am so lonely. i have been trying to get some of my old friends back and nothing. i so need a good friend right now and someone to talk to.