How to handle 20 yr old child

My husband and I fight a lot lately about our 20 yr old son. He will not get mental health help or get a job.

The struggle is intense. What do we do? Friends say throw him out. Easier said then done, he's my son.
He has 1 friend in life and no family who would take him in.

I'm really looking for some support.

Hubs and I have no privacy because he's always here and we're his only social life. He is very involved in our business and it can be difficult to deal with.

I love him and it could be worse, I know.

I had to throw my 21 year old daughter old out. It was really messy, but sometimes you have to do it---and I know it's hard. Just get yourself some help with the process and remind yourself in every decision you make about him: Is this helping or hindering him growing up? You'll then always do the right thing---even if it hurts you, or you both.
Good luck and no matter what you do, let him make his own life and his own mistakes.

P.S. Whatever your situation, don't negate it's effect on your life by saying it could be worse. You have a right to feel bad about this problem---it's really difficult getting some young people to grow up and move out. My heart is with you.

Maybe hubby and you can talk to a professional who will help you come up with a reasonable solution based on your situation. (eg: your son's abilities, state of mind, needs, strengths, weaknesses; your own needs, etc...community resources...).
Then you can both sit down with your son and present the plan. And stick to it. Whatever it may be.
It is hard for me to remember now, (with my son's son asleep at my feet, and my son taking over the readying of my house for sale as I move on with my life...he is a healthy, mature man now...) but when my son was in his early twenties, I had to give him a deadline for either paying rent, or moving out. I knew he could live on his own, he had before, and I knew he was resourceful when he needed to be...he accused me of being willing to make him homeless etc----but, within the given time, he got a job, an apt., a girlfriend, and moved on; not without bumps and bruises, but it all worked out the best for all; he was able to feel like an independent person who could make his own decisions, and I had what I needed.
What helped me was being able to know his abilities, to express confidence in those abilities and to stick to my plan. He knew I wasn't going to give in, and he now says that what I did needed to be done.

Thank you for saying that.

Has he attempted at all to find work? Is it possible his mental health issues interfere with getting a job? If so having him apply for SSI might be an option, it is possible to get it for mental health issues if they prevent you from holding a job. Sometimes throwing someone out isn't the best option, especially if they don't have any resources or places to go...i mean otherwise that being homeless with nowhere to go which not everyone is going to be able to pull themself out of but I am sure you are aware of that. But it is clear there needs to be some kind of change.

I'm 24 and live at home with my mom, and if she threw me out I'd probably end up pretty bad off...but I am working on getting on SSI and going to therapy so she can see that I am doing something.

Its understandable your frusterated, and I wish I knew of a solution but I don't know your full situation or how exactly the mental issues interfere with your sons functioning.

Thanks. He won't get help. He gets buy by buying and selling cars for now. Pays his rent and some spending $. Wish he could work instead.

Without seeing a therapist or MD, he has no case for SSI.

Don't know what to feel. My son has taken a turn for the worse.

Been a rough couple of months. My son's paranoia has gotten to it's lowest point.

He was admitted to a hospital, thrown out of the hospital, and is currently in a locked ER unit awaiting transport to a state hospital.

I am fighting all sorts if emotions right now. Pain, sadness, emptiness, and more for my son. I love him.

Update. After an involuntary stay in the locked hospital unit, my son is being discharged tomorrow.

Now the healing begins.