[jesienna31]

Hi, really need so advise. I was dating a married men for over a year. It was with ups and downs but I finally decided to quit it. We knew it will never progress towards anything serious, we were more friends with benefits that anything else but I did develop feeling for him and it was much harder for me, especially that he had less and less time on his hands to see me. I tried to break it few times before but always were getting back together. I finally said enough when he really started to ignore me a lot and became quite emotionally manipulative ( I think he had some Narcissistic traits and me being Codependent and relationship addict...). I think maybe he was trying to break it but didn't want to hurt me so just played with me and waited for me to say stop. Anyway it is hard to let it go...

Going back to my question... he went for holidays with his wife now for more then a month to see his family. I did see him shortly (we work close by) before he left to wish him a nice time. The fact that he went away gave me the space and time to breath and heal... I sent him only one email just trying to be friendly and said to take care and enjoy the holiday.

In the meantime one of his friend's wife got in touch with me, she didn't know we were seeing each other. She is also a very good friend of his wife... (they both were suspicious at some point about me and "mr X") I got to know her though him.. Anyway, I suggested a coffee together in town without thinking about it twice. I just thought to be friendly with her and appear like there is nothing ever to hide... We chatted for like 3 hours, nothing about my married ex... We were with our kids so she wanted to take some pictures. Then I saw she posted them on Facebook... A bit too much for me... I trully didn't expect that to happen. Now I am sure Mr X and his wife saw that I was hanging out with her.. well it was all a bit strange since I did not plan or expect things to go this way. I was trying to maintain NC and now worried I simply jeopardised my efforts... She suggested another get together, but I feel quite uncomfortable about it all.

I was part of the whole cheating scene with mr X... Also I can't stop obsessing now about what is he thinking about me... Is he thinking that I met her because I want to keep a foot in his life? I am worried he might think I am seeking his attention, which is not true. I just want us to be respectful towards each other and just carry on with out lifes... Did I cross any line here? Shall I explain myself to him? I really want to be sure that he knows that whatever happened between us will always stay between us only. I am worried if he is trusting me on that. I keep worrying that something will go wrong and I will lose the trust and respect in his eyes, which was always there.

Please help. How do I help this situation? Can I send him an email, will it help to tell him that I met her but it had nothing to do with him at all?
I am really confused and desperate to know what to do, please help... I want us to be on friendly terms...
We both knew what we were doing, I don't blame him I see my part in it all as well... We both went with the feeling of adventure rather then being rational and responsible. But I trully want us to walk away without drama and finger pointing for mistakes... With good memories and mutual respect. This was the reason I thought of sending him an email, making sure that he knows and trusts me that I am not doing anything behind his back. I am happy to admit to him that I shouldn't have met her that day. Please advise...I cannot think straight.

[Rose3]

If sending him an email would help you to clarify things - what would be any problems for doing this? Perhaps he would appreciate your effort? You mentioned that he's been ignoring you, and perhaps trying to break up. If you say nothing, then what do you lose? If you do send an email - then you have tried. But I wouldn't keep sending them if doesn't respond.

[khawk2]

Cold turkey. Stop all contact with him and those connected to him. You deserve better than second place. If you are single and available find someone who is also single and available. You would not like it if you were on the receiving end of an adultery so don't do it to someone else.

[healingme4me]

I wouldn't contact him. If this woman and you chose to have coffee, together, so be it. It was uncool of her, to post pics of you, on her FB. Did she have your permission, after snapping those photos? Maybe, it's a sincere approach, at a friendship, albeit, the timing is a bit odd.

Perhaps, these intrusive thoughts, are brought about from the fear of discovery? If you were trying to end things, does it really matter, what he thinks and feels?

[hamster-bamster]

I, too, thought that people are not supposed to post pictured without asking for a permission.