[missinformed]

Does the person who is bi polar and going through a manic episode and cheating and lying and pushing his partner away ever realize the harm and pain they have caused by cheating and needing attention from other people (women)? Do they wake up at some point or crash and think OMG what have I done?

[hvert]

I think it really depends on the person. A lot of my bipolar friends are single, so cheating isn't an issue. While they all regret things they've done during manic episodes, some don't seem aware of just how much they drive people away with their behavior. Others are very aware and apologetic.

[missinformed]

Originally Posted by hvert

I think it really depends on the person. A lot of my bipolar friends are single, so cheating isn't an issue. While they all regret things they've done during manic episodes, some don't seem aware of just how much they drive people away with their behavior. Others are very aware and apologetic.

I think you are correct.

[blackwhitered]

My opinion is that you should be forgiving of the person's actions pre-diagnosis. Usually because of the effects of the mania, they don't even realize anything is wrong. It's like being high without choosing to take any drugs (not talking about drug abuse that sometimes happens during mania), it is an altered state of consciousness in which judgment is impaired, reality is distorted, and usually people regret a lot of their actions afterward.

However, once a diagnosis is given and treatment begins, and the person has the ability to recognize an episode in themself, and they either deviate from treatment (like skipping meds) or don't try to get help or inform others, I think you can start to hold them accountable for their actions.

This is just my opinion as a bipolar person...

[missinformed]

Originally Posted by blackwhitered

My opinion is that you should be forgiving of the person's actions pre-diagnosis. Usually because of the effects of the mania, they don't even realize anything is wrong. It's like being high without choosing to take any drugs (not talking about drug abuse that sometimes happens during mania), it is an altered state of consciousness in which judgment is impaired, reality is distorted, and usually people regret a lot of their actions afterward.

However, once a diagnosis is given and treatment begins, and the person has the ability to recognize an episode in themself, and they either deviate from treatment (like skipping meds) or don't try to get help or inform others, I think you can start to hold them accountable for their actions.

This is just my opinion as a bipolar person...

Thank you that is what I have wanted is a opinion from someone who is bi polar. Could I possibly message you and give you further detail about what is going on with him?

[blackwhitered]

Originally Posted by missinformed

Thank you that is what I have wanted is a opinion from someone who is bi polar. Could I possibly message you and give you further detail about what is going on with him?

I think this is one of those things that you should talk to him and his doctors about. I personally only have bipolar 2, so I don't usually do long-term damage during my hypomania. Everyone has a different level of insight about their diagnosis. Some people who have bipolar 1 with psychotic features completely lose insight, while others have insight into their condition and simply don't care. If the diagnosis is recent and/or he is making an effort to control the symptoms and his behavior, you should recognize that. But if he has had this diagnosis for a long time and does not seek help when an episode comes on, then I think he has to take more responsibility for his actions. Does that help?

[missinformed]

Originally Posted by blackwhitered

I think this is one of those things that you should talk to him and his doctors about. I personally only have bipolar 2, so I don't usually do long-term damage during my hypomania. Everyone has a different level of insight about their diagnosis. Some people who have bipolar 1 with psychotic features completely lose insight, while others have insight into their condition and simply don't care. If the diagnosis is recent and/or he is making an effort to control the symptoms and his behavior, you should recognize that. But if he has had this diagnosis for a long time and does not seek help when an episode comes on, then I think he has to take more responsibility for his actions. Does that help?

He has been diagnosed for some time. I am uncertain that he takes anything. He is retired and goes to the gym everyday (where he met this woman he is seeing now) and is on Anabolic steroids/HCG/Ambien to sleep mixed with Advil PM and had recently started drinking again. His dog (like his baby) has recently been diagnosed with cancer and is not responding well to treatment. I am not sure if all of this has triggered this other woman or if he is just truly a dog. He and I are both 49. She is 32 and chased him big time. I broke it off with him when I found out about her. He is still texting and calling saying he loves me. I am just completely torn apart over this and am trying to figure out how to handle it all. IF I could see some remorse in him it would be one thing. Its like he has forgotten me.

[missinformed]

Originally Posted by missinformed

He has been diagnosed for some time. I am uncertain that he takes anything. He is retired and goes to the gym everyday (where he met this woman he is seeing now) and is on Anabolic steroids/HCG/Ambien to sleep mixed with Advil PM and had recently started drinking again. His dog (like his baby) has recently been diagnosed with cancer and is not responding well to treatment. I am not sure if all of this has triggered this other woman or if he is just truly a dog. He and I are both 49. She is 32 and chased him big time. I broke it off with him when I found out about her. He is still texting and calling saying he loves me. I am just completely torn apart over this and am trying to figure out how to handle it all. IF I could see some remorse in him it would be one thing. Its like he has forgotten me.

OH also, recently he told me he could not explain the thoughts in his head. I met him at a restaurant and when I pulled up he was standing outside his truck having a conversation with a older couple parked beside him. I went on inside the restaurant where I set the next hour and forty - five minutes watching him stand outside talking to this couple. HOW can this be normal behavior?

[blackwhitered]

I'm sorry, I just don't feel comfortable giving advice in this situation as I am barely 18 and have little relationship experience (I'm asexual). I can only give general rules and tell you what my experience has been like. Like I said, you should talk to your husband and his doctors, as they're the only ones who can describe what's going on in his head (and hopefully the doctors will help you call out his bs.) I will say that it's not uncommon for people to misuse their diagnoses, I've seen it myself... Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

[PolarD]

Originally Posted by missinformed

Does the person who is bi polar and going through a manic episode and cheating and lying and pushing his partner away ever realize the harm and pain they have caused by cheating and needing attention from other people (women)? Do they wake up at some point or crash and think OMG what have I done?

Every person's different, but what you need to know is that when you are in a "Mania", your reality changes. Fights errupt and it's only later that you can see that as justifiable as your stance was because of your interpretation of the situation, that it's the interpretation that might be quite 'off'. It's very scary to not be able to trust yourself and to not be able to know that how you are seeing things is 'real'. Most of us BP people (so it seems) tend to over analyze the piss out of everything and if it's not turned on someone else, then it's turn on to ourselves. I have Bipolar Type I and when I'm in a mania I don't see what I am doing is wrong. When I'm depressed, if I even begin to consider how wrong I really was, I'm so completely devastated that I am in agony and all I think about is how to kill myself. So it's now, since I have a new scenario in the midst - I'm now medicated. I've actually attended some AA meetings and read some of their jargon, because a lot of the same shame that people who suffer from additions endure, is also what I have had to go through: "Oh what have I done".
They may seem like they don't care, but that's not necessarily any indication of how they are actually feeling and how they morally feel about any of it. We don't get the luxury of Good 'Ol Fashion self-loathing where we feel like ***** for a while and then come out of it... sometimes regret like that is enough to open up a portal to a hell of our own making.

Hope that gives some insight. Feel free to write if you had any questions about any of that.

[PolarD]

Originally Posted by missinformed

OH also, recently he told me he could not explain the thoughts in his head. I met him at a restaurant and when I pulled up he was standing outside his truck having a conversation with a older couple parked beside him. I went on inside the restaurant where I set the next hour and forty - five minutes watching him stand outside talking to this couple. HOW can this be normal behavior?

He's eccentric. Talking to people in the parking lot doesn't sound like bad behavior - it sounds like a conversation you missed out on. He is who is, it's just when things get imbalanced (unable to keep a job or relationship, financially devastating themselves, etc) that a friend can suggest help. Ultimately though, this 'quirky' behavior is just who he is a person now - the "Bipolar" part of it is just a classification that helps the soft scientists find something more definitive and concrete to deal with to help for the extremes. It's painful living this way and very detrimental in some cases ,but don't forget - being different is not a bad thing. If you think he should be 'NORMAL', that sounds rather uninteresting and conformed. I wonder what he talked about with that couple - did you ask him?

[hvert]

Something else to add to the mix - steroids can make people very, very talkative, sometimes in a weird, aggressive way.

Unfortunately, sometimes the 'why' matters less than the behavior. I've had to stop seeing friends before because their behavior was unacceptable. Knowing that the behavior may stem from an underlying medical condition just makes me feel guiltier about ending the friendships. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with the way they treat me, even if they are apologetic.

[wolfclaw]

Pain can be triggered by Manic Attacks harm could be to your self or even to others. Its healthy to talk to your Doctor about the type of fee;s and episodes your having an effect on yourself or towards others.