[Nat92]

My boyfriend through 1 year (on/off due to my depression and other factors) decided to leave me after having fought for 5 days.

Now, to explain the events, we didn't fight for 5 days like that. I tried to keep him from leaving me by begging him to see reason and work things out with me, I tried to get him to tell me what exactly he felt was wrong, but he ended up saying he needed a break.

Confused and stupid, I pushed him and he took it as an ultimatum, though I asked him to use the weekend to figure out what he wanted, either leave me or stay and work things out as he did promise me he would.

He left and I was actually shocked he did.

I do understand my big mistake here, I pushed him while he wanted space. It was a big no-no.

Our relationship was always a bit turbulent, but it's mostly because we're so different. He's very direct, while I'm quiet and I tend to keep things to myself. I'm trying to be open and he made it clear I had to be open with him before he could open up to me.

I didn't really see a problem with that. We as most couples used to bicker and argue about silly things, but we always made up with one another.

We broke up back in September 2013 and began to reconnect in November, again things escalated in December for a week but we spoke about it and agreed that if things were to work out, we would have to work them out together.

It was a promise we both made.

Things were fine, a bit of bickering here and there and we met up again in January for 5 days. It's now 4 weeks since and in just under 2 weeks, everything fell apart.

We've known each other for 4 years, but until April last year, it was all online. He pushed my boundaries greatly, as I have 0 irl friends and battle a depression, so leaving my comfort-zone was hard.

He was my first everything, kissing, holding hands, etc.

We've seen each other 3 times now, 5-8 days per visit. We were happy together, we smiled and laughed, talked openly about our wishes and wants, our hardships and worries.

However online communication seemed to be the problem, but I tried hard to be open about it, as I mentioned above, I wanted nothing more than to know how he felt or what he thought was wrong.

The week after I got back, things were beyond great. Another week after, I inquired about our next trip and tried to make him participate in the arrangement, but as he works 40+ hrs a week and didn't really seem to want to talk about it at the time, I said to leave it til later on.

He got a bit offended by this, but I explained to him I only wanted to give him a bit of peace of mind.

I'm a sensitive person, I care about people and in no way want to bother them when they'd rather have peace. I felt considerate to the fact that he had a job and other things.

The weekend after, our second argument arose and it was this very argument that seemingly undid everything.

I began talking about my savings, played with the thought of how much I could save up in a year. We had earlier began talking about moving in together. I had been looking at apartments near where he lived and he seemed happy with my flat-hunt, he even said he wanted a 3 bedroom apartment, so he could have a gaming-room.

We both liked this idea, the way we spoke about this very subject made me have even more faith in us. He's a very private person, so it's not often I get to see this side of him.

When he get's an idea, he usually pursues it til the very end.

During my visit, he once again made a promise, he gave me a promise-ring and a very expensive diamond bracelet and a teddy. (I love teddy-bears!)

Anyways, his promise and the ring only made my faith in us grow stronger, the fire within me burnt bright with the hopes and dreams of our future.

-

2 weeks later, the dream was shattered. As I brought up my idea of saving, he took it as a decision that had to be made here and now, how much we had to save, etc. It was in no way what I meant and we began to fight. I over and over tried to explain everything in detail, but he dismissed it and started saying that the past was repeating. I felt confused as to why he would say that, it was a tiny argument and I did explain myself. I couldn't understand why he didn't just take my word and understand what I had meant.

I asked him what he felt was wrong, as he said our relationship never would change, things never would change, we were in a bad place and that it kept happening.

"Happy>Happy>Fight>Breakup" - yet I never said a word about breaking up until he said it. He felt like things were escalating, though I did my best to actually keep them from doing so, I explained myself, that I had faith, that we just had to talk about things, but it was much like climbing a huge wall of ice that just kept getting higher and wider.

For 5 days, I begged him, I begged him to keep believing, to actually talk - but his every word, every sentence, was either "things will end badly, things never change, things will end in disaster, we're in a bad place, our relationship is toxic" and the last thing he said, which really hurt was "dysfunctional, every meaning of that word describes our relationship" -

I couldn't believe that after 5 days of trying to convince him we had something good, he could say something so hurtful. I didn't see it like that, I couldn't believe how he let one small pebble start an avalanche of despite towards us.

Afterwards, we haven't spoken for now 3 days. He said he still wanted to be in my life, but I don't want him to be my friend. I can't be friends with him.

I'm currently sticking to the NC-rule, because it seems so unbelievably weird that he would leave me for such a tiny reason as a silly argument.

However, I could be blind. I've considered that maybe he had held up all the things he felt, all the bad emotions and just let them out all at once and it could be why he felt forced to end it as I pushed him from a break.

A lot of things are of course running through my mind and I'm trying to make sense of it all.

My feelings are clear, I love this man, I love everything about him and I want to be with him because he has helped me through so much, he has been there for me when I needed him and though he ran this time, though he walked when I again needed him - I understand.

I'll give him the peace he wants and hope that he'll come back, but if not, then I'll go on living.

-

I'm sorry for the long rant, but having so many feelings building up inside, it feels nice to just let it all out.

I could need some advice though.

Should I keep my faith strong and believe that he will come back or is it time, after 3 days, to let go?

How does all of this sound to you? What's your opinion? Any advice is welcome, please don't keep the harsh truth from me.

Thanks and much love to you all.

[Webgoji]

Sounds like he's been done for a while actually. I would say you should move on. It's not the 3 days or anything, but more the way he acted.

[gayleggg]

I agree with, Webgoji. It's time to move on. His actions do not reflect his words. Let him go.